I tried posting this message before but I don't think it worked. At least I couldn't find it. My husband had a 15 year affair with a co worker. He said it was strictly sexual and ego building. He is now very remorseful and we are both in conseling and go also go together. Is it possible to rebuild trust after such a long affair? Am I just being a fool to think it is possible? Has anyone heard of a marriage working after such a breach of trust?

Welcome <B>ncsm</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>That's what these forums are all about...<BR>...rebuilding (whether of not infidelity was the issue).<P>Do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>Counseling is important... especially for such a long term affair...<P>If you agree with the concepts here...<BR>I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$95US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

NCSM<BR>I am so sorry to hear about your pain. I have been with my H for 10 yrs. 6 of those years was renting with option to buy and and the last 4 I purchased. My H has had 2 A before we were married and we even postponed the wedding because he wanted to make sure he was doing the right thing. Well during our 4 yrs of marriage 2 of them H decided to have another A. It started when I was 4 months pregnant. I have had suspicions and confronted him many many times. All I would hear were lies. The A finally came out in the open this past Christmas (Happy Holidays) OW started to harass me with calls to my home & work she would even show up at my home. H says he tried to end it many times I find it hard to believe. H told me time and time again that he had no contact with OW Physco Twit but OW says differently. OW found out that H & I went to March MB Weekend and H says OW has contacted him a few times. I don't know what to believe. Today I hit the redial button on our basement phone and I heard a womans voice and it was not the OW I would of expected it to be. This woman gave me her phone # and I did a little investigating and found out her name and address. I confronted H about this OW and the redial and H says He does not know this person but thought her name was nice? What is up with that? I often wonder if H had a few on the side at this point? But I also hear he wants our marriage to work. I am truly at a loss. I am going to C and it is not working. Again we went on MB Weekend and neither of us finshed our first weeks assignment. I want marriage to work for many reasons mainly for our 19 month old daughter.<BR>If you can afford the Phone counseling and H is willing to give it his all then GO FOR IT. As I once heard someone's quote. "It is not as though a divorce eases the pain, but a saved marriage just may"

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by livieharley:<BR><B>Well during our 4 yrs of marriage 2 of them H decided to have another A. It started when I was 4 months pregnant. I have had suspicions and confronted him many many times. All I would hear were lies. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>TRUST YOUR GUT!!! How many times did I have twinges of things not being right and bought stupid excuses or didn't bother to investigate. When I think of all the years I could have saved if I had just had the courage to follow through! Please save yourself some trouble and do what you have to do to find out for sure. <P>I don't believe in snooping and think that marriages ought to be based on trust, but when you have already had a breach of trust, you have to be wary for another! If they get away with it once, what is to stop them from doing it again?<P>When I look at my situation, I let the ex get away with it! I had a suspected incident that I let slide for lack of proof. It really destroyed our marriage because the trust was gone. When the second incident came 2 years later, again I let it slide. So, the ex became a master a deception, then later, got so bold that he really didn't try to hide it much at all. The only "hiding" he did was to have the OWs call his cellular phone instead of the house. I bought all his excuses about going out with the guys and bought his lies about how much he loved me. yeah, right.<P>If I had just snooped enough to check his cell phone bill, if I had just had the courage to want to know the truth, I could have saved at least 2 years of my life and immeasurable pain. <P>If it sounds like I am bitter about my broken marriage, I am not. I am grateful to be out. I don't care about the ex, who he sees, or who he is with. I care about me being happy and whole and would like to see you do the same, if that is what you want for yourself. I understand you have a daughter and want her to have an intact family, but your wishing isn't going to make it so if your husband truly is up to something. It's better if you knew...