Hi all!!,<BR>I am overwhelmed by the support and caring attitudes of the people on this forum. I guess I don't really know how to thank all of you. So I guess... "You guys are the best"...is all I can do for now. I'd buy you all a drink, but kind of hard to send over the phone lines!!! ATT might not like it.<P>Yesterday was a casse management hearing. It was one of the worst days of my life. My wife walked in with her lawyer and I with mine. We sat on opposite sides of the courtroom. two people that loved each other enough to get married, (one of us still wants to stay that way), loved each other enough to have kids, and now we are in such an adversarial role that we have to sit at opposite sides of the courtroom. Almost makes me wanna puke.<P>The case management officer, asked what we had agreed to already. The lawyers did all the talking. We have to go to mediation, so that has to be scheduled. Still a lot to do...but now it is in the system, and it is just a matter of time. <P>I thought that I would be able to make it through this without meds. I have been doing so well lately, but last night and tonight have been very down times for me. I feel like a beaten man, with no options left to try. <P>I don't understand how a mother can give up time with her kids. My W had the kids last night until 7. I met her halfway to pick them up. My S was crying uncontrolably when I went to get him out of her car. He kept saying to his mother "I don't want you to go...I want you to come home, don't go..." Her response was."he's just overacting. He will be ok as soon as you get home" I wanted to say "see...you dumb bi*&@, the kids are not OK and they are not stupid and they realize that this sucks". DON'T YOU GET IT AT ALL!!!!!<P>So now we move on to phase 2. In the next 4 weeks, I have to do a financial statement, get mediation and decide how to GIVE UP time with my kids. Most people are trying to find time to spend with them. I have to give it up...because of some alien being who chose to mess up my <BR>family. Not only that...because of this alien, it is costing me money that I would gladly put into any other thing but this. Counciling, kids, vacations...you name it, but not a lawyer.<P>Once again...thanks to everyone...you are all wonderful people, who have tremendous troubles of your own, who take time to support others. I think that says a lot about who each of you are. Our spouses...even though they think they can...will never do any better than what is here. The old saying..."it's their loss" seems to have added meaning tonight!<P>God bless...<P>Mike<BR> <P>------------------<BR>the probability of someone watching you...is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions

Mike,<P>Was good to hear from you. Sorry things are so down for you right now. <P>As a mother, I can not even imagine having my 7 yo child crying and saying don't go don't leave our family. I would shatter into a million pieces. I could not live with myself knowing I was causing that kind of anguish in my children!!!<P>Take Care of yourself.<P>

Mike,<P>I can only imagine how difficult today was for you. Like HopelessinAZ, I was struck reading about your S crying saying he wanted mommy to come home. That is the part that baffles me the most about all this...how they can rationalize that this is OK and will just mend itself. I too, would shatter into pieces, but they somehow deflect it off. Shows you how bizarre their minds are.<P>Sorry this is happening to you. Take care and thanks for the update.

<P> Well I am glad to hear you are still alive. My SIL is going through the same thing as you are. my D left her babies behind,too. They are 5,3,1. She is so lost. She loves babies and she left hers behind when he was only 7 months old. That is how I know she is so lost, and the 3 year old, then 2 was stuck to her like glue. He even had to sleep with her. She had all her babies sleep with her because she was so worried about SIDS. She now hardly ever sees or talks to them. Always missing her weekend. It is so heartbreaking. Poor babies!!<P> I am so sorry about her loss, and yours. Prayers and hugs to your family.<BR> <P>------------------<BR>Deb

Dear Mike,<P>I am so sorry for what you are going through. I'm not far behind so I am reading your posts with the kind of fascination that you watch a horror film. My H has restarted the divorce proceedings that he filed last Aug. that had gone inactive while he waffled for months and moved in and out. Last Aug. he served me with papers a day and a half before we went on our summer vacation. This time I got notice of the restarting 3 days before we were all set to go to Disneyworld together. (H said it was a mistake for me to find out before the trip, he told his lawyer to wait until we got home -- oh, that would have been much better -NOT!) Needless to say it was not a trip made in heaven. Even the Disney Magic could not erase the tremendous pain of being on another family vaction with a spouse that was divorcing me. I am crazy for letting him come - both times! I hope that my kids at least appreciate it some day.<P>I feel so badly for your children and I think it is one of the greatest signs of the fog that all these WS are able to ignore or rationalize that their kids will be okay. My H has said that ours will be okay because we have enough money and we have never fought. How blind and selfish can they be? I have no idea how a mother can willingly give up time with her kids or know they are crying for her. Sorry guys, but there is no man great enough to make me ever do that to my kids. Your W will probably realize her mistake, but she is so bent on getting a quick divorce that it may be too late.<P>You are a strong, loving person and in the end no matter the outcome you will have the capacity to be happy because you will have a clear conscience. Keep being a great example for your kids, they need one and it looks like you are their only parent that is putting their interests first here. <P>I looked at our state's statute on custody today and it said that the court could not consider behavior that didn't directly relate to parenting. I assume that this means that the court cannot consider that one spouse may have lied to and cheated on someone that they vowed before God to love and cherish no matter what, thus placing their children's future happiness in jeopardy. Gee, we certainly wouldn't want to consider that, would we. That might be a little too judgmental. Is my sarcasim showing through here?<P>Hang in there Mike and try to take pride in your role as a father and what you done for your kids and what you will do for them in the future.

Unfortunately, when one spouse is taken over by alien infidels, the BS is left to provide a role model for the kids. <P>I'm sorry you're having to go through this, and sorry its all happening so quickly. <P>Above and beyond the outward expressions your S is expressing, I'd expect some other, more subtle reactions to occur. My D has had a serious drop in her grades and some major discipline problems since the split. She hates living in a tiny apartment with her mom, and she really doesn't know how to deal with all this, so she acts up...mostly for attention's sake.<P>What you have to do is be the sane one...the parent who has his sh*t together. Although you're dying inside, you have to be a pillar of strength and stability for your kids. As much as I've wanted to be a horrible mess around my D, I can't. I need to be okay with all this, and I need to rise above what is going on so I can be a better parent for her...a better EXAMPLE for her. <P>The best way to teach your kids is to be the kind of person you want them to be. Your W seems to have missed this point, so you have to carry on parenting on your own. You are the only one left to provide a good role model. I don't understand how a mother can give up time with her kids either, but I'm more than willing to take advantage of it when she does!<P>One of the great things about having an alien-infected spouse is that you get to spend more time with your kids. The WS is so wrapped up in their own little life that you actually get to see your kids whenever it is an "inconvenience" for them. Use that time to get closer to your children.

Dear Mike,<P>Well, I am glad to hear that you made it through your ordeal, but feel a great pain in my heart for what you and your family have to go through. You son verbalized the pain you were feeling. As much as that hurts, you W needs to see that so that at some reflection point she can recall what she has put all of you through. Believe it or not they do have times when they reflect on their actions even if it is just for a few fleeting momments. Guess the aliens have not completely figured out how to take over their entire mind, just the times they deal with us. <P>Just wanted you to know you are in our thoughts. You have been a great encouragement to me and hope we can lend some support to you. Vent when you need. We understand. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.

Hi Mike,<BR>this is the first time I call you Mike, and not mbtrk.<BR>What else can I say, I think your W's taker is in control to such an extent that she is deaf to the pleading of her own children.<BR>The selfishness is mind-boggling.<BR>The thought of what you are going through is terrifying. I thought I was going there for a while as well, it's the closest I ever came to insanity. Terrible moments I will never forget. <BR>My W still says to me "You're in a strange mood today" each time she catches me thinking "how could you have done that to us?"<BR>In the context of your pain, I feel embarrassed that my own situation ahs improved dramatically (see my post on "In Recovery").<BR>Look after yourself and those kids, my heart reaches out to you all.<BR>Sincere best wishes.<BR>Your friend in France,<BR>Steve E<BR>

Mike,<P>I don't see how your wife stood your son crying. I was crying reading it. My H took my YS for a night to a resort before Christmas (I was invited but wouldn't leave OS home alone), & I cried buckets because I felt it was taste of what my future my hold.<P>I don't understand how mom can leave thier children. Our OW would have left her daughter for a yr to move to Singapore with my H, but he couldn't leave his sons for that amount of time.<P>all of you are in my prayers, my your wife find her way out of the fog before it is to late. you are a good man & dad, hold on to that thought.

Mike - you are a good man and you will not let your kids down. You will rise to the challenges ahead of you and you'll be stronger for it. My thoughts are with you.<P>Dave

Hey everybody!<BR>Thanks for all the wonderful replies!<P>Yes...I am already much stronger than I was 6 months ago. I still have my days when I feel like my world is crumbling down around me, but they are way less frequent than they used to be. I actually feel sorry for my wife now. She has the support of a group of friends, but 90% of them are in the same position as her. Divorced or seeking divorce because they weren't "in love" with their spouses. These are people that she has known for years. 3 out of 4 of her best friends have all had affairs. She says that even though she has to give up time with the kids, and they are young (6 and 5)...that is no reason to stay married. You don't do it for the kids. I also believe that...but it is one heck of a reason to go down kicking and screaming and clawing your way to save the marriage. When you are in denial...I guess kids, family, what's right and wrong, morality all go out the window!<P>The taker in my W is on the loose and although she says the kids are her #1 priorty, (sometimes they really are)the truth of the matter is that they are #1 only when it is convenient for her. The kids will never hear me say a bad word about their mother. They also will never hear me lie to them about her. When they ask me if I love mom...I can honestly say that I do and wish with all my heart that she would come home. Sometimes wishes don't come true though. <P>She wanted to know yesterday, why I was so angry with her, I said that was the dumbest question to ever exit her mouth. If she didn't know why...there was no explanation on earth that she would ever understand! She then replied..."you might as well get help with this, because in a year or so we will be friends...you will get over it" I said...once again, I really choose not to have as my friends people that will lie, cheat, stab me in the back and be untrustworthy. Furthermore...It's too bad that my kids have to be exposed to that kind of behavior. <P>The silence was deafening...she then said...WOW...you really need professional help! I couldn't have laughed any harder. <P>Isn't it amazing that it's always the BS that needs the help! My god..it's not fog she's in, it a radioactive sludge pile!!! The other option is what the Moose in Maine get and it's called "Brain worm". It's a parasite that infests the brain of these majestic creatures and makes them do really stupid things that they normally wouldn't do!!! It eventually kills them. So maybe my W has contracted a human form of this parasite! LOL <P>I hope you all have a great day, and I will keep a stiff upper lip and pray that this nightmare ends before it is too late. Probably won't happen, but what the heck, gotta have some hope...right? <P>Mike<P>------------------<BR>the probability of someone watching you...is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions

Mike - brain worm, I like it. Maybe we can make this a staple here on the forum, e.g., "she's got brain worms coming out of her ears...."<P>Anyway, the purpose of this is to say keep up your sense of humor. Wrinkles only grow where the smiles have been.<P>Dave

Wat!<BR>It's a true ailment of moose. SOme of them get Brain worm and then start doing very irrational things. THings that a "sane" wild animal would never do. <P>I really think that this parasite has mutated and is now residing in humans. It's the only explanation that I can come up with on why a resonably sane person can become so irrational. It is almost to the point of becoming comical!!!<P>Mike

Is that anything like the bug that came out of Chekoff's ear in one of the Star Trek movies? <P>L.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mbtrk:<BR><B>...she then said...WOW...you really need professional help!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This comes right out of the betrayer's handbook, I guess. I got the same thing from my W as I was gathering up some of my things. I was angry because I was being forced to leave my own home and family and at that point I wasn't trying very hard to hide it. I was being civil, but terse. She said "I really wish you'd get some counseling for this anger problem you have." Suddenly my anger problem got a lot worse. <P>Maybe the worms are real!<P>Anyway mbtrk, good luck with whatever lies ahead. <P>--<BR>o2bsane@hotmail.com<BR>

Hi Mike,<P>I haven't posted here in awhile, I've pretty much moved to the Divorcing board. I just wanted you to know that I do pop in and check up on your story and a few others.<P>I'm sorry to hear that things have moved so quickly to court. I like the brain worm idea - there's got to be some kind of alien presence taking over your wife's head!<P>--BR

Hi BR!!!<BR>Long time no see!!! I too should be moving over to that board. Never thought I would have to. I am procrastinating only because I feel that a lot of these people are like family. <P>I have posted over there before and like that board also. I hope that you are well... and that you are coping as well as can be expected...I am trying to do that too.<P>Hope to see you more often,<P>Mike