What a sad world we live in that we have to sit in front of our children and tell them that WS has gone to live somewhere else. That H doesn't like mommy anymore<P>Well, tongight was the night. At 5 pm exactly, I started to tell the kids. H was supposed to be here at 4:45 and no call and showed up at 5:08 and I had already told them and my oldest 5 was hysterically crying and my middle cried a little and my 2 year old didn't understand.<P>The kicker was that he told them they could help him pack his room tomorrow. Oh, how nice Daddy. We will watch you pack your stuff and leave the family. Bye have a good life at OW house. They know he is living with her. D asked where are you going to sleep. Didn't hear the answer.<P>He was also trying to make me the bad person, don't get angry and nasty. Don't raise your voice,, Blah I didn't do any of that except when I asked him to take his garbage bag full of Tiggers given to him by ow#1 and left in garage. I told him it was disresrectful and sadistic that he bring his Love toys into MY HOME. I said take them with you or I throw them away. Your choice. HE says, please respect my privacy of other things in this house, I have respected yours. I said NO, You have NO RESPECT for me. Time for you to leave and I gave him a small push out the door and locked it. <P>RESPECT HIS PRIVACY Ha ha ahahahahhahahhahahahahhahah.<P>Disgusting Side track. (My daughter 5 put on a pair of underwear this am and said mom, I must be losing a lot of weight because these are too big. I looked at them, same design DIFFERENT SIZE.. My daughter was wearing OW#2 underwear. BARF, BARF<P>My H is a lunatic and today, I don't know if I want to even be married to him. He thinks he is so righteous and such a wonderful Dad , putting kids first, and doing the best for them. OH RIGHT.<P><BR>Oh, as I pushed him out the door I smiled and made kissing noises and said Have a nice night, I love you.<P>I probably love busted but F*** Him. I am not that terrible of a person and I actually deserve better than him. The old him was so much nicer. This new thing is a freak. I would love the world to crash all around him.<P>Do you think he told OW#2 about OW#1 and vice versa. <P>I want to laugh and cry all at the same time.<P>If I knew how terrible this experience was to be before I married, would I have married. Will I ever marry again. Food for thought.<P>Hopelessmom

Hope,<P>So sorry for you, your children. You are in my prayers today.<P>I think telling my OS was one of the worst moments of my life but in the past 2 yrs there have been so many that it is hard to rate them.<P>

Dear Hope,<P>My kids were 5, 4, and 2 when H moved out last Nov. He introduced the subject to the kids by saying that they were going to have another house and then began describing it to them in detail. He mumbled something about not getting along with mommy. I swear that listening to him talking about our 2 houses was so confusing that I actually wondered for a few seconds whether we were all going to be living in both these houses. I finally left the room so I could cry. <P>When my very sensitive 5 year old came to find me he asked why I was crying and I told him I was sad. He said, "Don't you want to move to the new house?" I told him that only daddy was moving and his face took on that panicked look. I waited until the next day to really have a talk with him. H had been so terrified of telling the kids he was leaving that he had "chickened out" and stayed a few times before so it was nauseating to see how he finally handled it -- he didn't really tell them. They continued to think for days that we were just going to all have 2 houses and all live in them both, despite my explanations to the contrary.<P>I feel very bad for you now because I really know how you are feeling. In a way it is good that the kids are so young that they don't really understand, but that also makes it bad for the same reasons. I too am home with my kids and they ask the most gut-wrenching questions and i really wish that they would ask H, but they have told me he doesn't answer their questions so I think they just have fun when they see him and don't ask anymore.<P>I still find it very hard to decide what to tell them. I don't want to bash H, but I don't want to condone his actions either. I want these kids to know that behavior like H's is WRONG, but they are too young to even explain what H's behavior is. I have asked lots of people and read a lot of books on telling kids, but I have never really found it useful for kids as young as ours. Mine still think that if we give daddy a party and i hug and kiss him, he'll come back to live with us. Oh if only it were that easy!!!<P>You hang in there! You are a great mom and your kids already know that and one day they will realize it even more when they really understand this. Take pride in knowing that you are trying so hard to keep your marriage together at great personal cost to you. I'll be praying for you in the days to come!

My dear Hope,<P>How I feel for you. Yes, that is very similar to what happened to me. H asked me to respect his things. Why was that so important to him? Not sure. His things? We have been married for 10 years. Everything belongs to all of us. Was he going to leave the clothes I bought him? Was he going to take the gifts he bought me? So confusing. I almost told him to leave all his clothes since I paid for most of them. Funny but sad. <P>Their logic is completely distorted. Privacy issues? It is ok to have sex all over town yet they think they need to have privacy? Their things, have more privacy rights than their own bodies? Whose mind is warped here? <P>And then they say, "I love you". Like it is suppose to fix everything. Like you are suppose to melt and forgive them for being wierd. Right. Oh yea, I love you too and by the way...let me give you some LBs. <P>The children will now be in a better position to support you. They have been given some light and can now see mom's true position. They are not stupid. Regardless of their age, they can help you and you will be there to help them.. I have been posting on this subject in the D/d section under 5 steps of grieving. There is a father there named Kevin, he mentioned that even the children can go through these same stages of grieving. Depending on their age and personality, just like us but with their child's attention span and mind they will find a way to cope with it. He mentioned that us as parents need to try and see where each of our children are and work from that point forward. Some may need counseling others may need personal time, others may need more down the road. <P>It was good information for me. It may benefit you. Please Hope, do not give up. You have come a long ways. You are able to see things clearly, this is a positive sign that you are the logical and rational one in this situation. Your children will learn to say what needs to be said to your H. Often they say it better and with greater force than we can. I have posted a few of my son's very pointed statements in other posts. That little guy is very direct and to the point. Unlike mom who likes to write and talk. My little one has put dad in his place more than once. Don't underestimate your kids. Remember they are part of you. Let them be your confort and where you share your love. I am glad I have my son. <P>Gotta go and eat my now cold dinner. <P>Take Care, <BR>L.<BR>

{{{{{{{{{{{{Hope}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I feel terrible for you hon. If these A**holes had spent half of their energy on nuturing their kids, they wouldn't had TIME for this! But then again. These WS are weak. We are the strong ones! Forgive me for sounding bitter but I had My WH tell both my girls on Monday he didn't give a s**t about anything right now and wanted to be left alone... to think. and then prompty slammed the door and went back up to his apt where he wouldn't even let them in. I had a 9 yr old standing in a parking lot just staring at her Daddy climb the stairs. I wanted to cry. I hope his D**k falls off. Maybe then his brain will work again.

This just plain s--ks! My heart is breaking for you and your babies. The cheaters get to walk out and leave the BS to pick up the pieces. I'm sure in their heads they have all kinds of lame excuses to justify their behavior and convince themselves that the kids will be just fine. Then to have the nerve to ask you to respect his privacy! That is the kicker. If I were you I would have made a bonfire with that stuff from the OW if he had dared disrespect me by bringing it into our home. Angelbear is right. If these guys spent half the time and energy nurturing their kids and their marriages as they spend having and covering up and affair there would be far, far fewer of these situations.

Hopelessmom, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I feel so bad for your children. Have you even confronted this succubous, as I like to call them?<BR>My H is back, but I told him what kind of woman..the ow, who supposably loves your H, would want his kids to end up hating him-<BR>I believe you said she was a widow??? If I have this right...How long has she been? I mean we know he is on a rebound of some sort from his first A--sick, sick, sick...Is for her? <BR>And that remark of the kids helping him pack is totally irrational. I don't even know what to say in my reply because I am completely disgusted with your H, he has completely lost his mind-- I yelled at my H, how can another woman be more important to you than your Children...and then what he is going to be a father to her children--UGHHHH! It is almost too much to read your post. It makes me livid. My mother was a widow at 25 with two kids....Nothing, nothing would make her go to a married man...and yes, my mother was half crazy after her husband's death...But you have to be somewhere other than God to go after a married man.<BR>All rationality, all truth is gone..Will he come out of this thick, dense fog. I would hope so...For the sake of his children 4 and 2---Dear Lord, so precious.