I have a 38 yr old H who is yo-yo ing between me and an 18 yr old girl. He is now telling everyone including me and his 9 and 11 yr old kids that " He dosen't give a **** about anything or anyone anymore". He is now starting to neglect our business we own, won't talk to his kids or really me for that matter and if he does talk to me, he is cocky and arrogant. The only one he DOES seem to care about is his OP.I told H I had a counselor appt. @5 today He told me he couldn't go because he HAD to work. Well, I called when I got back from appt. and he left work @2pm!! Tonight, I had an emergency and needed him to come and watch the kids so I could go to my mom who went to the ER. I went to his apt and he was there but wouldn't answer the door. I called and left messages and never got a hold of him but lo and behold, She was there at the apt with him. I never did any response from him tonight. I am starting to wonder if he is hitting rock bottom. If he is how on Earth do I get him to get help?

AngelBear, I'm going out of my mind right now, so I came here and read your post and I totally relate. My H and I own a business together. OW is 22 year old former employee, my H is 48. He moved out 4 months ago to live with OW, then moved back in with me, even sent no contact letter, resumed counselling with me, and we are booked for a cruise leaving April 1st - April fool's day, how fitting! My H also said he doesn't give a **** about anyone or anything anymore and neglected our business to the point where he was using the corporate account as his own personal expense account, furnishing house for himself and OW, paying his bills, etc. I went to a lawyer and had his name removed from the board of directors and changed all the bank accounts so that I'm the only signer on the checks. <P>He was already talking about coming home, but this seemed to hurry the process along. Obviously, I felt insecure about what his real reasons were, me or the business. <P>So, here's why I'm going out of my mind right now. I'm listening on my H's cell phone as I write. He forgot (?) to hang up the phone and he's in the car with the OW. They are drunk and high. Now he is crying and begging OW not to leave him, telling her he loves her, and I am listening and writing this. It sounds like she's leaving and he's saying, "I had fun with you tonight, I'm f***ing sorry." Now they're smoking pot. He's crying and she's comforting him. Now he's begging her to go to a motel with him. Him, "You don't think I love you?" Her, "You don't want me to say you broke my heart?...Please tell me you love me...What are you going to do?" Him, "Take you everywhere I go...Do you realize my W had the phone on for a f***ing hour and she heard me say I love you, what else do you want?" Now she's telling him she doesn't want me to be hurt and he's crying and she's telling him, "I love you so much...I want you to make a choice...You're the love of my life." Now all I can here is Rap music. I know I am torturing myself, but I can't hang up. Now he's calling to her, telling her,"I gotta go." Now silence, I think they're out of the car. Now they're back. He wants to smoke some pot and she's telling him he doesn't need it. A friend of hers is in the car with them. Now he's asking them if they want to go shoot some crank. They said yes, but asked him where he was going to get some and he said he had some stashed at work. Then he said he was going to call a guy who sells drugs and cut me off. Now what?

Letstry, I am so sorry for what you had to hear, but at least you know. Plan B, Plan B, Plan B.<P>AngelBear, I say the same for you. If he doesn't want to hear from you, show him it goes both ways.<P>It makes me sooooooooo mad how STUPID these WS can be. Sorry

I complain about my H and what happened during the A. But our's is over and you guys are still in the thick. I am crying for you both. Like all this crap isn't painful enough. I am so sorry for both of your pain, it shoots right out of the computer screen and into my heart. <BR>Mine is home,all the way home and I should be more grateful. <BR>I don't know what to say, can anything make this better for you? Be strong and survive this and rise above it. Lame,maybe but you are what's important. I said I would not let his A define ME. You guys are better than this A and their behavior. Prayers and Hugs...my God, I am so sorry

Precious ladies,<P> What a living nightmare! I am so sorry!!!<P> PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P><BR> LT: Maybe a drug treatment center?? <P> Hugs and Prayers!!!!!!!!!!!!1<P>------------------<BR>Deb

Angel,<P>You are going down a common road that has its bumps that we ALL have been down. Your H's behavior is "typical" behavior of someone having an affair. The book Private Lies is an awesome book and well help you to figure out your H's behavior. The book Torn Asunder will help you deal with your own pain. Hang in there!! Believe it or not most of us on the boards have or are in your shoes!!!!

I'm only 26, the ow was 21...The next day, after d-day, I called her mother, which led to her father finding out. There is so much that went on that I think her mother was trying to help her get my H, but there was so many lies....I think the ow was telling her parents we were divorcing, etc. Anyway, unless they are completely sick...I don't see how any father could condone or do nothing if his daughter is having an affair with a married man. I'm not saying that parents can do anything, but my God, I know my father would have killed me!! Let your H deal with her parents knowing. I think they should. At the time I didn't care who knew what was going on. There was a great possibility that my H could lose his jobs, etc. Be ruined, but I didn't care. All I cared about was that this crazy behavior had to stop and I had children to think about. I didn't play by the MB methods because I didn't know about them, but it was <BR>best anyway. He could either be with her with everyone knowing the "Truth" or he could quit this sick relationship and get his act together at home. But what an interesting variable for an 18 year old to contend with. I called her mother and said your daughter and my H have been having an affair for 2+months. She started to say that this couldn't have been the first time..i said oh yes, because my H has never treated me like **** before. Then she said my H had to have promised her D something like divorce. Never came from him, but I know she was saying she could convince my H to remarry have more children...After he kept telling her he wasn't leaving me, if I threw him out he wouldn't remarry, and was getting a vasectomy=no more kids. She wasn't listening, just living her own lies. I just think that because she is so young, her parents MAY-have some type of influence on her, you'd be suprised...you don't think the "type" who have a good relationship with their parents...would have an affair with a married man, but they do...Think about busting her, If your into the plan A game, you can't...and I don't have anything to suggest. I can't believe that he doesn't care about his own daughters...And ugh--the ow is only how many years older than your Ds....

In my case, OW's family knows and doesn't speak to her. When my H came back home she went back to her H and told him she had nowhere to stay and if he didn't let her stay there, she'd leave with their 3 yr. old D. She has no friends and no support from her family (Her MIL works for us, so I hear more than I want to about OW).<BR>Thanks everyone for your support. <BR>Sorry, AB to hog your thread. <BR>Deb, I think drug treatment is a great idea. He's a "former" addict and alcoholic who now believes he can drink and smoke pot without any consequences. <BR>Trs, I've read a lot of posts about WSs leaving and returning over and over. How do BSs survive this? I've read both those books and liked them both.