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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 352
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Posts: 352 |
?<p>[This message has been edited by Rodger (edited May 01, 2001).]
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 592
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Rodger,<P>I assume that your W is chinese. Well....That mental philosophy may work in China but It's hogwash here. There's no way you can just forget about an affair she had. I don't think you need to drop it at all. You didn't say how long ago this occurred or at what point in your marriage, but I would have to have a better response than "Get over it"<P>Just MHO.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Later,<BR>B
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 203
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 203 |
Okay--Let's call that no conciousness!!<P>No remorse? That would be like calling yourself "selfish". <BR>I'm sorry, but my sister seems to have an attitude like that and I view her as cold and manupulative and emotionless.<P>ILAC
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Joined: Mar 2001
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Hi Brent:<P>It occured in December a few months ago. We were newly married 8 months before that but she was in China all that time waiting to come over and I was here. If she could have come over right away this would not have happened but we can't play what if games, it doesn't help. So the marriage was brand new. We were both happy as could be.
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Joined: Mar 2001
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Actually my wife's best friend is from a different part of China. She is from the south. My wife is from the north. This lady understand the whole story but thinks the same as my wife that I should just be over it by now. She said it doesn't hlep to bring up the topic or think about it. So that's two Chinese ladies that think the same way. I would like to find a Mandarin speaking marriage councillor who could explain to my wife why it takes her husband more than a week to get over this sort of thing.
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
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Is it the school of thought that what you can't see or hear can't hurt you? For the WS in my life, this is how he views it and yes, he has made the same type of comment. <P>See they know all the details. Whether they are sharing it with your or not, you may still be in the dark on some issues. This may be why there is no closure for you at this momment. <P>Real reason vs excuse? You will have to decide and maybe only time will tell. How about role reversal and asking her would she allow you to have the same thing of the same intensity and just let it drop? How does she react when she is in the dark even on small things?<P>My H does not ever want to be in the dark, yet he leaves me there all the time. Why does he deserve better treatment than I get? Hmm.....<P>Just sharing thoughts. <P>L.<BR>
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Joined: Mar 2001
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The W doesn't sound very sincere to me (Chinese or not) Are you sure the marriage was real. Sounds to me like she just used you to get to the states and now has taken the position that you can either take it or leave it. I don't know how a relationship with such little trust can make it. You need to convince her to go to marriage couseling. I'm sure you can find one that can overcome any potential language barrier. Good Luck. This is kind of harsh, but I see it as a real posibility. I've personally witnissed this in our office with a man who married a Korean girl.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Later,<BR>B
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Joined: Mar 2001
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.<p>[This message has been edited by Rodger (edited May 01, 2001).]
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