Well, tonight there will be a party at a bar a few blocks down the street from me. The 'guests of honor' will be my husband and his pet slug. They are moving to Florida in the next few days.<P>He has not contacted me and let me know this, and I suppose he thinks he doesn't have to because he has no intention of ever trying to make our marriage work. All that I know I have been told by well-intentioned friends. In his last conversation with one of my friends, he asked her how I was doing. She told him "ask her yourself." Then he asked her what did I want from him? She was confused and asked what he meant by that. He asked what did I want from him in the divorce? She told him she had no idea - that he would have to ask me about that - and that it was about time he talked to me like a human being instead of ordering me around and telling me what I have to do and what I have to accept. She told him that she knew that I would always care for him, but that I am capable of going on with my life. He wondered why don't I divorce HIM, because after all, one day I would have to...<P>Then my friend talked to him about what his plans were - did he forsee coming back here after school? He said he didn't think so, that he would probably move somewhere else after he was done with the school he will be attending. Motorcycle maintenance around here is too seasonal. As he talked about his plans, she noted that he talked about HIS plans - not "their" plans. No "we"s were used, only "I"s... something that was never the case when we were together, and even for a good amount of time after he moved out ... he always talked in "we" terms about him and me.<P>Well, I hope they are miserable together in Florida, and wherever else they might wind up together. I suspect they will do very poorly in their new environment - removed as she will be from all of the people she has always known, with no tools to do anything but ooze along like the slug she is. Even if he NEVER realizes what he has LOST by leaving me, I am certain that he will not be able to stay with her for much longer. He is a man who needs a woman who can use words over one syllable and four letters. And she ain't it.<P>Thank you all for the support you've offered me for all this time. I'm not going anywhere, but I don't know how I am going to be for the next few weeks as it sinks in that he is no longer a phone call away Tuesday through Sunday at the pizza place up the street. As I said before, I would hope that those of you who think I'm a fool for not going to Plan B would be caring enough to either offer some kind words or not say anything. I appreciate the intent, but it isn't going to help, nor will it make me feel better about where I am right now.<P>Long live Marriage Builders!<P>Well, folks, he is one MESSED up individual. <P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by terri:<BR><B>Well, tonight there will be a party at a bar a few blocks down the street from me. The 'guests of honor' will be my husband and his pet slug.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm sorry, but that comment cracked me up. I've got this visual of Harrison Ford and Jabba the Hut stuck in my mind now! LOL! Oh well, maybe they'll do some tequila shooters and accidentally spill some salt on her...<P>So you didn't go to Plan B. So what? You have to do what's most comfortable for you. Now will come the real test of their "relationship" - and as you know from being here on MB for so long, their odds aren't good. You have done a fabulous Plan A - the ball is in his court now. Let's see how he and the slug deal with <I>real</I>, everyday life.<P>I sincerely hope that you have a strong support system where you are at. Try to move on as best you can, and be prepared for every possible scenario. Do things for yourself. You can rest easy knowing that you've done your part.<P>Best of luck, hon!<BR>

Plan A... Plan B...<P>...it doesn't matter some times...<P>I love you...<BR>...as does everyone here!!!<P>{{{{{{{{{terri}}}}}}}}<P> <P>Jim

(((((((((((terri)))))))<BR>Thinking of you during this rough time. Sending prayers and positive energy!<BR>cl

Terri,<P>Please don't send these people to Florida. The neighborhoods have been desecrated enough. Ditto from CB. You have to know when to move to plan B. My experience is that plan B only allowed my H to further justify his A. Plan a however continues to make him think. Important ... Plan A continues to make ME think. Me thinks that I am the better person, and and if it should come to a D, I will have been the one who has exhausted every resource at my command. He is the one who has been a coward and a betrayer. He is the one who will have to shoulder the burden of guilt. My conscience is clear.<P>My H will be going to spend the summer "dating" his OW, begining in June. Finally told him (and I believe) that this is something he must do, since they have been physically close to each other for a few days during mateing season. The rest has been emails and phone calls.<P>What does my H think he is going to return to in the fall? Maybe that is just as unknown as what he is going to try in the summer. Sure is to me. <P>Have big question. think I want to start a new thread. Like motivation of BS ... Maybe it's rejection revenge? I am seriously thinking that it is not so much love of our S, as the ego shattering rejection that makes us feel the pain. I cannot control Hs thoughts, only mine. I say, let him go and I will see how, when and if "I" want to continue. Easy to say, tough to do ... why?<P>Terri, your signature has always bothered me. If my H were to read it, he would think what he is doing {pursuing his A), is the honorable and courages thing to do. IMHO.<P>Love and prayers for us all.

terri, How hard this must be for you. What is the attraction to these ignorant, low-life types anyway? My H's OW is one too, though, of course, he's still in love with her and sees only good. He's home again now because he knows relationship with OW wouldn't work since no one, including his friends, likes her or sees her as a good choice. <P>I loved CB's comment about the salt, great image. And whatami has a point. Though I love your poem, I'm sure my H would see in it a justification for his A since he likes to think of himself as different from the norm to justify bad judgement.

Terri,<P>prayers, i don't know what else to say except your are in mine.<P>cb, loved the jabba the hut comment, it fits what I see in my mine whenever i hear the word slug. we have some really huge ones here in Singapore, now I will never get that word picture out of mind. thanks for bringing some humor in a gray rainy sat morning. you always make me laugh. :

Aw, dang it. <P>I wish there was something to do for you.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Terri}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

Terri,<P>You won't get any criticism from me about not going to Plan B. I, myself, have been told several times to Plan B. However, I was never strong enough to stay away from H. I worried that I would never hear from him again if I did. Just part of the fear of abandonment that is common after learning that your spouse had an A I guess.<P>Hang in there.<P>Dolphin

Thanks everyone!<P>I am doing way better than I thought I would be doing... kind of scary, in a way. Especially considering I feel like I've been run over by a truck myself (darn, I was hoping that truck would be headed in another direction) - I have a nasty cold and just feel all over lousy.<P>I keep expecting the bottom to drop out, emotionally, and it certainly may still do so. But I KNOW how well I can do with this, and that helps a lot. Keeping busy helps, too!<P>Still, there can be some good that comes of such a crappy experience as I have had... A friend of mine is having some issues in her relationship, and I've been talking with her and because of what I've learned through my own experiences and my reading, I've been able to help her by offering some alternative ideas to some of the conclusions she often jumps to. This, in turn, has enabled her to talk to the man she is involved with and *clarify* what he may have meant, as opposed to her simply running with the interpretations she makes of what he meant.<P>Sounds confusing ... that's interpersonal communication for you!<P>Thanks again all, I love this place.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Hi terri:<P>Prayers and good wishes your way. Perhaps a change of scenery is exactly what your husband needs.<P>God bless you!

Thank you K. I am sure that he will find that things will be much different away from his and her support network than they were here. I am not doing so well today, as I have just posted in another thread (He came by today) ... but at least I am not crying ALL the time (just every 5-10 minutes).<P>I love my husband very much - but I am not sure where the man I love has gone to. The person who looked me in the eye and basically told me "So?" to my comment about how things have gone only his way in this - that's not the man I married. The man I married is in there somewhere, and I hope that he is not gone forever, but I am not certain how he will ever resurface from the selfish creature that has possessed him.<P>This truly sucks.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>