My worst fears have been realized. H told me that he told OW that he didn't want to have any contact with her anymore. H even gave me his voicemail password at work to check his messages.<P>Yesterday, I checked messages and there was one from OW. Apparently her car had broken down and she called him prior to that message. H was going to go help OW with her car. I passed him coming back from the town she lives in. H did not see me. I confronted him about it. Initially, H lied about being there then admitted it. H told me that OW said if he helped her this time, she would never bother him again. Yeah, right!<P>Anyway, the story gets worse. Last night, I went to go to H's apartment, but he had just left. I passed him and turned around and began following him. He didn't realize I was following him at first. When H realized I was behind him, he started driving fast and changing lanes. I was able to keep up with him by driving recklessly.<P>While all this was going on, I called H on cell phone. H asked me why I was following him. I told him I just wanted to talk to him. H told me he would talk to me tomorrow. He also told me that if I would have just stayed at work instead of trying to find him after getting her message, that everything would be okay. Sure it would be okay for him, but not for me.<P>I realize that my behavior was a major lovebuster. When I decided to go home and stop following H, I called him and left a message apologizing. I told him that I don't know what got into me, but that I was sorry and ashamed of my behavior. I also told him that I still want our marriage to work, but that I can't continue seeing him if he is still seeing OW. I told him to call me if he decides he wants to work on our marriage.<P>I can't begin to tell you how stupid I feel about following him like that. I am just so afraid of being abandoned. However, I think that my behavior is actually driving him away, instead of bringing him back.<P>I just don't understand why H wants to continue seeing OW. He tells me that she doesn't meet any of his ENs. His top 2 are recreational companionship and conversation. According to H, they have nothing in common. He loves sports; she knows nothing about sports. According to H, the only interest that OW has is herself. H told me that OW's 9 year-old daughter told him that OW likes to look at herself in the mirror.<P>Also, as far as conversations go, H has told me many times that OW is "stupid." My sister-in-law told me that H has told her that OW was stupid several times, too. So I can't imagine H and OW having very intelligent conversations like H likes to have with me.<P>Also, H continues to believe that OW is pregnant. However, since the baby can't be his (according to H), H says OW was with somebody else. H says he doesn't think that it is her H's baby because they seem to hate each other.<P>For those of you who don't know my whole story, in July, 2000, H kicked OW out of his apartment after they had only lived together for 1 month. H said both OW and her 4 kids drove him nuts. H and I began to try to work on our marriage.<P>However, a month or so later, OW called H and told him she was pregnant with his baby. H then began having contact with OW again. I discovered this in November,2000. H told me that he just wanted to help her with groceries and make sure that OW has a way to get to where she needs to go solely for the sake of the baby--just in case the baby was his. OW does not work and her car is always broke down.<P>H also told me that OW is unfit as a parent and that if baby was his that he wanted to try to get full custody and wanted me to help him raise the child. H also told his brother that OW was unfit to be a parent and that H and I would raise the baby if it was his. H continued to tell me (as he had prior to OW telling him that she was pregnant) that they had only slept together one time in late June. H couldn't remember exact date, but knew that it was on a Friday.<P>OW told H that she was due the week of March 20th which seemed to coincide with the time that H slept with OW. H insisted that if baby was not born by March 23rd that the baby was not his. H told me if there was no baby by that date that H would tell OW that he did not want to have anymore contact with her; that he hated her for lying to him and that if she contacted him, he would call the police.<P>I just don't get it. Why would H want to be with OW if he thinks she is sleeping with someone else? H has even said that he is afraid to sit on her toilet because there are probably so many men in and out of her place so who knows what could be on the toilet seat.<P>H continues to send me really nice e-mail messages saying that I am the only woman that he will ever love, etc. I keep asking him why do you send me those e-mails. H says because they are true. He then asks me why I can't understand that the messages are true. I am just so confused and hurt. I was really hoping and praying that this whole ordeal would soon be over. I guess H is still in the "fog".<P>I keep telling H that if he doesn't know what he wants to just tell me and I will give him time to think. H keeps telling me that he wants to be with me; that he has no feelings for OW, etc.<P>I guess that my only alternative now is to go to Plan B. I have tried this in the past and couldn't stay away. Please help! <P>[This message has been edited by dolphin (edited March 31, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by dolphin (edited March 31, 2001).]
