My ex and I went to the Dr. today to find out for sure if I was pregnant. He asked to go so that he could be supportive. Well, sure enough I'm pregnant, but he was definitely not supportive. Gosh, I felt so alone. My ex then went on this big speech to the Dr. about how he thought I should have an abortion, blah, blah, blah. The Dr. basically told him that they did not push abortions there and that we should think very hard about the pregnancy and pray about it. <P>Now, I need to know if I did the right thing. All I have heard lately is about how he may or may not be around depending on his feelings, this pregnancy really puts a damper on his plans, he won't be able to buy this or that, I finally had it! Oh, and also, he says that he doesn't feel that I "trapped" him on purpose, but that thought is still there and he can't promise that that won't become an issue later on. Excuse me, last time I checked it takes two. It isn't exactly peachy for my plans either, but I am an adult and can take responsibility for my actions. <P>Anyway, tonight I told him that I felt that since he cannot make a definite decision to work on us or to leave, I felt it was better that we are just not together. I never want him to feel as though I trapped him, so "theres the door." He basically said that he had no opinion because I caught him off guard. He has a real problem with not being able to make the final decision so I'm sure he really didn't expect this. As he left for work, I told him to think real hard about this, and that it was time for him to make some sort of decision one way or another. <P>I felt this was necessary to shake him (hopefully) out of limbo. He still talks to the ow and refuses to give her up, decided to renig on his promises of counseling since he is now (again) not sure how he feels, says I should just put up with his crappy attitude towards me, etc. It did make me feel a lot better to tell him I didn't need him around. Did I screw up?

Screw up? NO, you're taking charge! He can't decide,well, maybe he needs a wake up call! Why do they want their cake and eat it too. MAybe we make it easy for them. My Hs actions toward me didn't change until there was no contact.And only then was he able to SEE what he had done.You are real life...she is fantasy without baggage. Real life is always better because it lasts.

Tulip;<BR>I am so sad to read this post; this pregnancy can cause an emotional roller coaster in itself and an unsupportive partner during this time would seem more than most can handle.<P>I think if I were you I would have to take charge - especially now - if for nothing else than to protect yourself a bit. Your health and that of this baby will be dependant upon your rest and diet. I dont know what the "right thing" is, but I think standing up for yourself is surely alright.<P>So sorry - will keep you in thoughts.<BR>Scuba<P>

Tulip,<P>I have been there done that and got the T shirt. I was pregnant when my huband and I were split up. Please do not let him stress you out. Right now, the important thing is you and this baby. I had my baby when I was in my sixth month. She weighed 1 pound. I was so stressed and I believe that maybe if we would have stayed apart I would have carried her longer. I still hold a lot of resentment over it. In the begining, he said he did not have a bad feelings about the pregnancie. Hey guess what, We got in fight and I was the one that got pregnant. The other woman said that I got pregnant to keep him. What a S&*&t. Please I beg you! Take care of the baby and yourself. The baby will be the best thing that has ever happened to you with or without him. My little girl is six months old now and I can not imagine my life with out her. Friends told me that when that baby is born she will be your first priorty and you will not put with his crap any more and you know what they are right.<P>Take care

Wounded,<P>I believe that he will not change his actions until contact is severed, just as your h did. Especially, since we are divorced due to the ow! Not to mention, that he still makes comments that he made the right choice (at the time) in abandoning his family for ow because he was unhappy. Maybe one day he will actually see the pain he caused. I appreciate your reply so much because it just affirms my beliefs. Also, because I know it is okay to put your foot down.<P>Tulip<P><BR>Scuba,<P>That is what I was hoping I was accomplishing by giving him an ultimatium. I know exactly what you mean about the pregnancy emotional rollercoaster, and I don't want to deal with a bunch of his crap throughout this pregnancy if he isn't going to even be supportive. He keeps saying he will be supportive, but actions speak much louder than words. Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts.<P>Tulip<P>Mon,<P>Bless your heart! I can't imagine going through that, but I am so thankful that you and your daughter are doing well. My daughter (she is now 4) was a preemie too, but not even as close to as small as your daughter was. Mine weighed 4.2 oz at birth and her lungs were mature, etc. That was hard enough so I know you are a very strong woman to have come through what you have. Especially, while dealing with infidelity too. I'm trying not to be stressed out. When I got home today, my ex was just as nice as he could be like nothing ever happened. Hmm...I guess I'll never figure out the way they think! I'll find out tomorrow how far along I am by ultrasound. And maybe even go shopping Thanks so much for your insight because you are so very right and to be honest, I had not even thought of that aspect as I was too wrapped up in his crap. Take care, both you, and your little miracle!<P>Tulip