I don't know if any of you will remember me, but I posted back in the spring, summer, and fall of 99 (I think) and then off and on after that as hurtingwife. The board always wound up depressing me so I quit coming. When I returned (I'm stronger now), not too long ago, I couldn't remember my pass word, hence, my new name. Plus, I didn't want to be hurtingwife anymore. I remember many of you.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tryingtoheal:<BR><B>I don't know if any of you will remember me, but I posted back in the spring, summer, and fall of 99 (I think) and then off and on after that as hurtingwife. The board always wound up depressing me so I quit coming. When I returned (I'm stronger now), not too long ago, I couldn't remember my pass word, hence, my new name. Plus, I didn't want to be hurtingwife anymore. I remember many of you.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes, I remember you!! It's very nice to see you!!<P>The board **can** be depressing... and I'm glad you aren't "hurting" anymore... "tryingtoheal" sounds positive!! <P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

Good discussion. I have to read the entire discussion to get up to speed on it all. I don't get here very often because I have been very busy with work and building our marriage. Things are significantly better overall. <P>I have noticed a lot of new monikers which is depressing. I have been conversing with a newbie via email. God has blessed me with the opportunity to let His light shine which is my daily prayer. <P>Part of the reason I don't get here is because being on the computer was part of the problem: she felt I was giving the machine more time than her. Yet, what I was doing was financial planning and winding down most of the time. <P>I will make an effort over lunch to come by more often ad read and answer those new to this horrible mess.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> **edit**

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by professorg:<BR><B>Good discussion. I have to read the entire discussion to get up to speed on it all. I don't get here very often because I have been very busy with work and building our marriage. Things are significantly better overall. <P>I have noticed a lot of new monikers which is depressing. I have been conversing with a newbie via email. God has blessed me with the opportunity to let His light shine which is my daily prayer. <P>Part of the reason I don't get here is because being on the computer was part of the problem: she felt I was giving the machine more time than her. Yet, what I was doing was financial planning and winding down most of the time. <P>I will make an effort over lunch to come by more often ad read and answer those new to this horrible mess.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>ROB!! HI!! <P>I wondered where you went??<P>I agree with the computer vs. time-w/ spouse thing... I still have to be careful because I get emeshed in the stories here!!<P>Very, VERY nice to see/hear ya!! Sounds like you and your W are going ever-forward.<P>Neato!!! <BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

Thanks to Samantha's email I found out about this reunion!<P>I doubt many newbies will know me or that many oldtimers will remember me.<P>I guess I'm an oldtimer, by some's standards. Don't exactly know when I first posted, but I'll never forget it was NSR who responded to me first, when the pain was so fresh, and his words so encouraging. <P>My husbands affair went on for about 10 years before DDay happened. And my DDay consisted of his moving out of our house and into OW's. He stayed with her for a year and then moved back home. Professing his love for me and vowing to spend the rest of his life making it all up to me. Of course that was just smoke and mirrors, as he never stopped seeing OW. He left again a year later to move back in with OW. That was back in 99. I think that is when I found MB. I had been doing my own version of plan A prior to finding MB. Once I found this wonderful place I was able to do a really strong plan A. My husband ultimately left OW again (June of 2000) and we have been together since then. So it's been 10 months since he left her this last time.<P>I guess we are in recovery. Although his idea of recovery and mine and very different. He still works with OW and I suspect he is seeing her in the mornings before he actually goes to work. He showers me with flowers, gifts, etc. Takes me out every Sat night and leaves little love notes, etc. He thinks these things make the past go away. He also thinks what I don't know won't hurt me. Of course I want to discuss things. I want him to write OW a no contact letter. I want her out of his life in every way. These would be the things that would truely put us in recovery, IMHO. They are also BIG LBers for him.<P>So I view our situation as *In Limbo*. He's not in a full blown affair any longer. Yet in *my* reality we aren't in real recovery until she is totally gone from his life. So I guess I would be considered a *semi* success story. <P>I'm still Plan Aing, the best I can. I rarely LB, and am pretty good at meeting his needs. He knows how hard I try and acknowledges my efforts. He just isn't able to give up total contact with OW, although he won't admitt that to me. His affair was more like a marraige. He lived a double life for so long I don't think he feels one wife and one life is enough for him.:: I know OW has said to other people "she will never leave him, she will spend the rest of her life trying to get him back." Maybe she will, maybe she won't. But regardless of what she does, I know I'm not going anywhere any time soon. <P>To be very honest I have been just so dang busy I don't have much time to worry about it, right now. <P>Our oldest is trying to decide what one of the dozen colleges she was accepted at she wants to go to. So college visits have been constant. Her prom and graduation are both coming up too! The youngest just got her permitt and between needing mega hours behind the wheel, so she isn't a threat to the other motorists and pedistrians alike, is keeping me very busy playing soccer and having way to many friends and social plans for any 15 yr old!<P>So I'm pretty much living my life and being the best person, mom, wife that I can be. <P>I lurk here, now and again. I was posting ocasionaly, but was put off by the way Terri was talked to regarding her long lasting plan A. I haven't posted here much since then. <P>The great thing about MB is that it can be modified for everyones situation, and to suit their needs. If someone wants to plan A all the way through divorce, or till the cows come home they can. The way Terri was talked to, it was like others had decided for her her time to plan A should be over and she should go into plan B. That is not for anyone to decide except for Terri. Plan B is suppossed to be put into effect when one's love bank is almost on empty. Apparently Terri's love bank wasn't near empty, as other's felt theirs would be if they were in her shoes.<P>I have seen less support and more encouragment to move to plan B after a set amount of time on Plan A, then the push I saw for sticking in plan A way back when. Well, if *I* had taken that advice *I* would have been divorced a few years ago. I'm not. I'm happy I'm not. And I am very thankful to the people who were constants on MB, like Terri and others, who gave me support and a shoulder to cry on. <P>I wish all the newcomers luck in their uphill fight to regain their marriages. I wish all those in recovery, the best of luck and happiest of marriages. To those who did divorce I wish you fonder futures than your pasts. <P>If and when there are any major changes in my situation I'll give you all an update. <P>Untill Then I Remain,<P>Fingers Crossed<P> <P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Fingers Crossed:<BR><B>Thanks to Samantha's email I found out about this reunion! <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Boy!! That <B>Sam</B> was one busy-bee!!!!!!<P>Of course I remember you, <B>FC</B>, and yes, I see you as a real-live (not semi) success story.<P>Look at how you've grown so strong!<P>Continued healing and good wishes,<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

Hey Sheryl,<P>Boy, you got a lot of us "old farts" out of the wood work for this one.<P>Count me in as a success story. No, I couldn't fix the M, but, I did fix me. I couldn't be better. Life is great!!! Happiness comes from within.<P>Val called me 4 times in a weeks time already. Each and every one of them were for some of the dumbest excuses that I have ever heard. For some reason she wanted to see me last week, tried with two diff secenarios. "Negative Ghost Rider, pattern is full"<P>I do remember when I first got here and there was only one board. That puppy would start a new page almost every hour. It was a close knit community then. Now, with the apparent explosion of infidelity, it is hard to keep track of the newbies.<P>I confess that I lurk almost daily, but, don't reply much. I can see and feel the pain of all that are here. That's one phase of my life that I would not like to relive.<P>Bill's idea of a "buddy" is good. It would be tough to match folks up thou. All our stories are so similar and so very diff at the same time.<P>Wishing us all the Best,<P>Medic

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MEDIC238:<BR><B>Hey Sheryl,<P>Boy, you got a lot of us "old farts" out of the wood work for this one.<P>Count me in as a success story. No, I couldn't fix the M, but, I did fix me. I couldn't be better. Life is great!!! Happiness comes from within.<P>Val called me 4 times in a weeks time already. Each and every one of them were for some of the dumbest excuses that I have ever heard. For some reason she wanted to see me last week, tried with two diff secenarios. "Negative Ghost Rider, pattern is full"<P>I do remember when I first got here and there was only one board. That puppy would start a new page almost every hour. It was a close knit community then. Now, with the apparent explosion of infidelity, it is hard to keep track of the newbies.<P>I confess that I lurk almost daily, but, don't reply much. I can see and feel the pain of all that are here. That's one phase of my life that I would not like to relive.<P>Bill's idea of a "buddy" is good. It would be tough to match folks up thou. All our stories are so similar and so very diff at the same time.<P>Wishing us all the Best,<P>Medic </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hey Mr. Medic Man,<P>I can't believe you said "fart" (that looks like mad, not embarrassed, but it's all I have! ) hahahahahaha... I'm so shy, ya know!!! <P>Yeah, I know how to throw a party, eh?? <BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

Hi Medic! Missed you and your whacked up sense of humor! Glad to hear your in a good place right now!<P>No, Sheryl--a doesn't look mad or embarrassed. After a "fart" it just looks like you've closed your nose and are breathing thru your mouth. <P>

<B>Fingers Crossed</B><P>I am so happy to see you here! I loved your update and have already referred to newbie's to your post. Thanks for helping make my day.<P><B>Everyone</B><P>Hi again and I am so happy to see you all as well. <P><B>New Begining/Sheryl</B><P>Just had to thank you again for starting this. It's wonderful. Big hugs lady.<P><B>Nighty Nite all</B><P>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited April 17, 2001).]

A simple thank you to the following posters /friends -- our own personal "WALL"... love to all, and great big *HUGS*<P><B><I><BR>A blessed Samantha<BR>Almost Happy<BR>bighope<BR>breakingslowly<BR>buffy<BR>chick's<BR>Chris (CA123)<BR>Dazed and Confused<BR>Empty Shell<BR>Fingers Crossed<BR>heartache<BR>Heartpain<BR>HGBrawner<BR>HurtButCoping<BR>HurtingDeeply<BR>it's me Samantha<BR>jamie-lee<BR>Just Learning<BR>K<BR>KalGrl<BR>Leilana<BR>LMS<BR>Lone Star<BR>Lor (Lor)<BR>lostva<BR>love-WAS-blind<BR>Lu<BR>MAEZY<BR>MEDIC238<BR>mickey65<BR>Mitzi<BR>mkn<BR>mthrrhbard <BR>Nerlycrzy<BR>NSR<BR>Patient1<BR>peppermint<BR>Persevering:<BR>professorg<BR>Rick37<BR>Robyn's Clues<BR>Roll Me Away<BR>schizzo<BR>Sheba<BR>sing<BR>singagain<BR>soulloss<BR>Survivor [aka_NoTrust]<BR>terri<BR>tryingtoheal<BR>wasstubborn<BR>WhoDat<BR>WilliamJ<BR>window<BR>worthatry<BR></B></I><P>Quite a list, eh? <P>Thanks for making this one AWESOME thread! <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

Samantha's invite to this party was forwarded to me (Thanks Samantha).<P>Thank you NB for starting this thread.<P>I am a newbie; started lurking in Jan 2001 and posting in March. But once I started reading everything on the site in 01/01, I was surprised at how many MB principles I had been applying while "winging it" in the first 4 months of recovery. I really credit plan A and avoiding LBs (almost always) with the improvements in our M since d-day. I am looking forward to H buying in to the MB principles. Am I dreaming in technicolor?<BR><P>------------------<BR>Never give up. Never, never give up.<BR>~ Winston Churchill

Hello, all,<P>I first saw this thread yesterday and I skimmed through a couple of the pages. At first I was offended as I do get on these boards (mostly recovery and EN boards) and I try to respond as positively and as frequently as I can with the MB concepts a focus.<P>I know I read in one of the infidelity books (maybe <I>Torn Asunder</I>) that divorce was definately an option in God's eyes when it comes to infidelity. I don't suggest divorce by any means.<P>When it seems the WS is still in a fog and still having contact with the OP, I suggest focusing on yourself rather than white knuckling the marriage - a healthy Plan A. I drove myself crazy for a time trying to control what my WS was doing and it wasn't until I focused on myself and healing myself that my WS started to come around. It's far healthier to get control of yourself and changing the things about yourself that you can and when the fog lifts you can be calm and focused.<P>I guess I'm one of the old timers - I started posting under LadyK the end of 1998. Lately I have been here quite a bit since I do feel as though I'm in marital recovery. It took a while, but I do believe I'm here. Many of the old timers gave me so much hope, support and guidance. <B>Sheba</B> was one of the first who guided me and <B>HGBrawner</B> was and is a continued spiritual supporter. I want to give back the same compassionate support!<P>Thank you for the thread!<P> <P>------------------<BR><B><I>RECOVER * REFOCUS * REGENERATE ~ BREATHE * RELAX</I></B><P>By Eleanor Roosevelt ~~<BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR><LI>"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." <P><LI>"No one takes advantage of you without your permission."<BR></UL><P>[This message has been edited by Free2BMe (edited April 18, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Free2BMe (edited April 18, 2001).]

hey <B>Free2BMe</B> - just wondered... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>At first I was offended <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>What was it that offended you? Just curious....<P>I guess some of us don't look at Plan A as strictly as you do. I see Plan A as working on yourself rather than completely oriented towards getting a WS back. We had a thread a year or more ago where I indicated I felt that you should make Plan A a "lifestyle" and treat everyone in a Plan A mode. After all, how hypocritical is it to Plan A your spouse and no one else. That doesn't indicate that *you* are really changing yourself. <P>Bottom line, I agree with the "working on yourself", but I think that that is part and parcel "Plan A". However, that's my personal interpretation....not the Harley definition...<P><BR>--DeWayne--

NB,<P>I hope you have a program that alphabetized the names for you. hehe.<P>Thank-you Peppermint for asking about me, Leilana for telling me, and all of you for sharing in this thread.<P>I never, never thought we could have a marriage this good; certainly not when I was sunk in the pain.<P>The biggest thing I've learned is that life does not "happen to you"; we make it happen. My h is wonderful, but I don't look to him to make me happy anymore. That is my job. Nor can we drive a car by looking only in the rear view mirror. I am really looking forward at my life. The past is there just to inform us...<P>I've started my own business as a Creative Memories consultant. It primarily involves teaching other women how to make lovely albums to preserve their memories. As I've gone back through those of my family, I realized I no longer view my marriage as a big mistake. The old good feelings about us as a family have come back. In fact, I see us more through the happiness we have now.<P>This has been great to get me out of the house where I had isolated myself too much. I'm meeting wonderful people.<P>Anyway, enough about me. It's good to see all you wonderful folks again.<P>Love,<BR>Cindy<P>

Hi <B>OneDay</B>, <P>That <B>Samantha</B>!! Woo Hoo!!! She's some girl, eh?? <P>Best wishes as you continue to heal your marriage!!<P>Hey <B>Free2BMe</B>,<P>Oh yeah, you're one of the old-timers... Wasn't your first post written on stone? I'm so funny, I know.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>RECOVER * REFOCUS * REGENERATE ~ BREATHE * RELAX<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I love that! And I've always meant to tell you that my old work email had Eleanor Roosevelt's quote you use:<P>"No one takes advantage of you without your permission."<P>I worked with students with disabilities, so it was especially poignant (can I spell? I'm so tired... but you understand, I hope).<P>Oh you keep this thread alive, <B>Heartpain</B> and <B>Schizzo</B>...<P>You don't owe me for putting your name on the wall, you know! tee hee...<P>...and yes, Cindy, I used WP, but getting those names all together in the first place without missing anyone was um, difficult!! <P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

Oh my goodness........you want me to read the 12 pages of this dang post?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? <BR>Nah....you cannot possibly think I would do that? <BR>Read pg 1, but ptomise to go back and catch up. Just wanted to say hi to all: welcome to all the newbies I have yet to meet, hugs to all the 'mediums' that are riding the rollercoaster, and kisses to all the old timers that have helped keep me sane! <BR> <BR>

OMIGOSH!! <P> Hey Sheryl,old friend,....WHAT in the world are you doing??<BR> Trying to start a new Megathread? <P> Bet ya can't beat it! <P> ~~Murph <p>[This message has been edited by Murphy (edited April 19, 2001).]

I KNEW IT!!!!<P>MURPH! I knew you were lurking and you just wouldn't be able to stand it!! I knew you would HAVE to post to this one!! <P>Beat the MEGA THREAD?? I think not! <P>Mitzi

Can't remember when I started posting. My world came to a halting grind in 10/98. It wasn't too much later that I found this site. I can honestly say the advice and Harley methods turned my behavior around and ultimately saved my marriage. Yes, I had lots of "love busting" times, but eventually we found each other again.<P>Right after our separation, we sold our house that we had worked so hard on. I thought I would never get over it. I moved into an apartment and found out real quick that being alone there wasn't what it was cracked up to be! Husband transferred six hours away and I really felt like it was over. Long distance talks, weekend visits, we worked it out.<P>I finally got a transfer and have been here since October. We bought a home and we are happy. Things are different. He pays household bills and handles things. I have my responsibilities and he has his. Our youngest child (20) is giving us a fit, although I can see a change for the better since December when he moved in with us. I keep thinking "baby steps". It is hard not to let it interefere with our recovery, but we haven't let it.<P>It is good to hear from so many people that gave me good advice and inspiration during the darkest time of my life.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Janie (edited April 19, 2001).]