. <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Rodger (edited May 01, 2001).]

Losing the urge is very common when someone you loved and trusted is intimate with someone else, not to mention the effect an SID can have on romance. If I were you I would be more concerned with getting your wife to talk so you can repair the marraige. There is no way anything will ever get fixed if you dont talk about the underlying feelings and what was missing that allowed her to do this to you. I do know how you feel and am sorry this happended to you.

Rodger,<P>Yes, losing interest is a very common "side effect" of an affair.<P>It is hard sometimes to think of entering into that intimate a gesture with someone who has so completely destroyed your trust.<P>I agree with sunshine that it would be a good thing for you to try to start communicating with your wife again. Even if language is a barrier, I think you should start trying to do those things you did before you were married. Whether they were long walks in the park or romantic dinners together, those sorts of things can work on putting "love units" back in your "love bank" (see MB Principles for more info). That's something you both need now.<P>All the best to you.<BR>--HBC

Oh boy, do I know how you feel. Unfortunately, my sex drive has never matched that of my H, although I don't think that justifies his affairs, but NOW, especially when I think about the OW with whom he chose to have the affair, as well as all the feelings of betrayal and mistrust, I really don't even want him to touch me. <P>I have tried to be intimate with him, but now I keep wondering "Is this something he learned from her" or I keep seeing "visions" of him and her together and it makes me sick, emotionally and sometimes physically. <P>I have read everything; I have sought counseling. Although I have grown in some ways, I have not gotten beyond this intimacy issue.<P>The sad part is that my H is so used to avoiding confrontation and dealing with issues that he doesn't really listen to me when I tell him how I feel. Instead I have to deal with him walking away or making insensitive and sometimes cruel comments about what the OW knew how to do or what I need to do. Beyond the affair, the inability to come together physically and emotionally, has hindered our healing. . . so much so that I am considering moving on.<P>So yes, I know how it feels to lose desire after an affair. That's why I am stillinpain.

Rodger,<P>As I was reading through the site again I came upon this page: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5066_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5066_qa.html</A> .<P>In it, Dr. Harley speaks to a woman who has lost sexual interest in her husband. Perhaps it can help.<P>Blessings.<BR>Kat =^^=