We got into a really nasty fight last week and I said some ulgy things as I could hold my tongue no more. Basically, I told him that I thought he tried to be Mr. Macho and that everything was about him with no thoughts of the kids or myself. Tonight he tells me that these things really hurt him and have stuck in his thoughts. <P>So I calmly explained that I had apologized for my behavior, but that those things were only said after he hurt me by saying that if he had his way, I would be up on a slab having this thing scraped out of me. (referring to my current pregnancy) I'm sorry for being so graphic, but this was his exact words. I asked him if he realized that I think about what he said everyday. And his comment hurt me more than he could ever imagine.<P>This is not that unusual from my ex as when he is angry he tries to hurt in the worst way possible. I can usually bite my tongue, but that comment was the final straw. Since then, I have not mentioned the pregnancy nor us to him and have just let things ride until he brought it up tonight.<P>I told him I was in a shut down mode right now and it really didn't matter whether he stayed or moved out. I told him that I felt I had done my part in trying to fix this relationship and had accomplished most of the changes he requested. As well as trying to make him happy and be there for him. I told him I could now walk away and not look back because I knew that I had done everything possible for me to do. I had closure. He on the other hand, does what he wants, never thinks of me and the kids in his actions or decisions, refuses to go to counseling, and has a very bad anger problem. He blames me for the anger problem. But the thing is, he gets angry and throws things and punches walls and takes it out on me whether or not I was the cause of his anger. <P>I guess in trying to reconcile, I have been able to see him for what he really is. At first he tried to change, but since, he has reverted back to his old ways. I asked him tonight if I should expect that he will be moving out. He stated he just didn't know. <P>I know that I should be continuing to try and reconcile, but I feel I am at the end of my rope. I think I am finally at the point where I should say enough is enough. This has been going on for 19 months and I'm tired. Even my lawyer told me before the divorce was final, that my ex ranked in the top 10 of the more memorable spouses she had dealt with. Referring to his behavior throughout the divorce. <P>I'm not even sure what I'm asking you guys. I guess that I'm just wondering if I should give up like I am feeling or wait some more.

Tulip,<BR>I don't know what to say, I just wanted you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.<BR>You do what is right for YOU.<BR>Hugs,<BR>Trace

I am definitely no expert on what anyone should do. But a close friend of mine once said "You will know when it is time to call it quits". When you are no longer bouncing back and forth you will know.<P>I wish you happiness

Trace & k9love,<P>Thanks for your thoughts. I guess maybe it is time to move forward. He doesn't want me to have this baby, and I'm determined that I will do what is right for me. I suppose I can move forward with or without him. And right now I'm seeing a brighter future without him. Again, thanks.<P>Tulip

Nineteen months is a long time. How much of that time did you apply the MB principles? He is in the fog, and he is abviously reacting to the pregnancy. I do not know your story, but anger is a serious thing. You do not want to put yourself in jepoardy for the sake of the baby. Is this your only child?<P>I still believe the MB principle can work, even though I have not had any success in bringing my H out of the fog. My H is filled with remorse, yet still he cannot decide to end his A, even though we have been married 17 years in July and have 2 children. He just does not like responsibility, I finally figured that out! He is like a big kid, and he wants his playmate, not "mommy" as he describes me to our therapist. If he was more responsible, I would not have entered that role. I don't like it at all! Never have, but someone has to act like a grownup. But that does cause a lot of discord, because I am wanting the "man" I married, not the adolescent he is today.

Burnedspouse,<P>No, this will be baby # 3. My other kids are 9 & 4. <BR>I found this site right after he left for ow back in Aug. 1999. I have applied the MB principles and even did a plan B for quite a while in early 2000. I had no choice but to move to plan B because he filed false warrants for harassment and had me thrown in jail. Then, after he had found out I was picked up proceeded to break into my house, make several long distance calls, took whatever he wanted, took the kids out of school early, and took them shopping and out to eat with ow. And then told my kids I was in jail and that is why he had to pick them up. He planned on keeping them at their apartment as long as he could. Mind you, this was all accomplished on my birthday. I had the kids back that night because his lawyer let him know really quick that this was NOT the way to handle things. He truely thinks he is above the law.<P>He, like your h, is a big kid and wants no responsibility. It took me a while to figure that one out too He tells me that I have done a lot of changing and I am the perfect wife, blah, blah. But I think it is more like a game to him. Sometimes I wonder why i have any love for this man. I am the responsible one too. The only thing he does is work. Everything else is on me. I agree that the MB principles can work, but I am beginning to believe that it will not work for my ex. Nothing seems to get through his hard head!