Picture this scene. You start a new job. Your employer is a married man. His wife is out of state due to life threatening illnesses in the immediate family. You are a married woman and you and your husband are together. During the first two months of your new job you realize that your married man employer has developed "feelings" for you. He is attracted to you and you know it. During this two months you have become "good friends", and spend a lot of time on the phone, sending e-mails, you have become his right arm in his business, and you have helped him with his personal problems, business problems, marital problems, spiritual issues. You have never spoken to his wife, and never met her. After two months, your employer admits to you that he has a "crush" on you. You say YES I KNOW that. He says he can not allow it to go any further. He asks you to continue working for him anyway and to be just good friends, and to continue things as they are now. If you have the best interests of your employer/good friend, and the best interests of his marriage at heart, how will you handle this situation?

Get a new job.

Another one of those things I can answer best from hindsight since I had an affair with a man I worked with:<P>1. <B>Tell him that you have no interest in breaking your marriage vows</B> (and mean it. No coy smile, no body language that says come hither while you words say stay away).<P>2.<B> Tell him that he just crossed a sexual-harrassment line and that if he brings this up again you will take action legally </B>(this should scare him out of doing it again with anyone else, but then again, with some people, you never know).<P>If it happens again - turn him in and do #3 --<P>3. <B>Quit the job</B><P><B>**BIGGEST MISTAKE I MADE WAS STAYING AT THE JOB. #1 STUPID, BIGGEST, MOST DAMAGING MISTAKE I MADE -- BAR NONE.</B><P>

Well, if you were my W, you'd decide he was your soulmate and start sleeping with him.<P>If you're a decent married person, you wouldn't be sending out the "I'm available" signal, which you know you are doing, since otherwise he never would have admitted that he "had a crush on you". <P>And yeah, like granpabri said, get a new job...<P>Also, I'm a bit curious that you have the best interests of your employer in mind, and the best interest of HIS marriage at heart, but you don't mention the interests of YOUR marriage. Interesting omission, n'est ce pas?<P>So, how far along have you and your "employer" actually gone? Honestly...?<P>AGG<p>[This message has been edited by AGoodGuy (edited April 19, 2001).]

Definitely 100% get a new job. If you were my wife I would be angry if you did not get a new job. It only takes five minutes of not thinking to ruin you and your huband's life. Read how devastated all the people in these discussion groups are. You are setting yourself up for an affair. My wife did the exact same thing. I told her two weeks before to watch out that an affair will not happen. She was angry at me for saying this to her. Two weeks later she had an affair. The circumstances were right and the affair just happened. She does not know exactly why but she was wanrted before. If an affair happens then I will say it is 100% your fault because you can see the potential. I know people have 1000 excuses why it won't happen to them and 1000 reasons afterwards for why they could not avoid it and 1000 reasons for why they really need this job andf 1000 reasons why this boss is just a nice boss or friend or whatever. You are not a stupid person. You know affairs happen frequently. You can see you are being set up for an affair. If you let it happen then it is really unforgivable. I wish women would think a lot more about these things before they have an affair. Think at least about the other person's wife. But think mostly about your husband. Why do you want to risk hurting him? Why do you want to take this chance. At least discuss the situation with him. If he still wants you to work there then he can share in the blame. If he is a smart man and cares for you and your marriage then definitely he would also ask you to look for another job. No amount of money is worth having an affair over. No amount of money can undo an affair. The betrayal feelings can last a lifetime. I can tell you that betrayal is worse than the death of a beloved spouse. Please think, think, think. You cannot undo your mistake in the future. If I was your husband, I would say this to you. I would be very upset at you if you continued to expose yourself to this other man. Your case has all the elements required to make the affair happen. Right now it is a given that you will have an affair. Right now you can still do something about it. These are strong words, SORRY but an AFFAIR hurts so much that the betrayed spouse will feel like being dead. DO you love your husband or not? If you love him 100% then there is no room in your heart for this other man. Forget him. Lot's of men have problems and they think sex with another woman will solve their problems. How many people's lives do you want to ruin?

That's easy....<P>leave your job and never speak or see him again.

It seems people won't listen no matter how much good advice they get. My wife did not listen and she had many many warnings before it happened. So we are all stuck dealing with the aftereffects of all this. There is really nothing a BS can say afterwards to justify what they did. There is no good excuse. There is no explanation that will make everything right again. So quit the job right now and never look back. Of course it is easy for us to say. But the money lost is not worth the loss suffered if an affair happened. I would have paid someone $20,000 (lent from the bank - to pay her salary - or pay whoever she had to pay) to not have my wife's affair happen.

replaced,<P>Where are you??? <P>Listen, some of us (like me) have been where you are... we have insight that we wish we didn't have... you asked, and I know you expected the answers you received. That does not mean we don't care about you and your situation.<P>Hugs to you -- ((((((replaced))))))<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<BR>(a bit worse for the wear, but hanging in there)<P><B>Life <I>is</I> difficult</B>.<BR><I>The Road Less Traveled</I><BR>~M. Scott Peck

No brainer--<P>New job!

Everyone,<P>Go to Calla's thread too... same story... after the affair... while still working with OM.<P>Help me!!

replaced,<P>I've been wondering where you are! How is your situation shaping up? I hope for the better.<BR>GoodGuy you've missed a component of replaced's story - replaced is married to the "employer" in the paragraph. She is the wife in the picture.<BR>But GoodGuy also has an excellent point. In order for the employer (your husband) to develop a crush on the OW, she has to have been sending him ALL the signals of availablility. Having read your posts and learned how much game-playing this OW has introduced to your husband, I classify her as a predator. I am truly sorry for the pain she has caused you. The very charm, finesse and brains that made her a valuable employee have also made her a demon to your marriage.<BR>If a married employer confessed to a "crush" on me, I would be annoyed and uncomfortable. But remember, your OW is not a normal, sincere person. <BR>replaced, is she still working at your company? I care about your situation and would like to know how you are.<BR>hugs,<BR>Robyn