Just posted this on another thread but wanted some feedback. <P>The "Limboland" funhouse is driving me insane!! And the rollercoaster makes me crazy too!! What do you do to keep emotionally stable (lithium?? kidding). Emotionally, I'm an average male...I am not used to the up and down, down and up, one hour this next hour that, one day good, one day bad...agggggh!!! <B>HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH IT!!</B> (w/o heavy tranquilizers). Counselor keeps telling me "feel the feelings." Duh, how can I not dumba$$!<P>BTW...My W and I have been separated for 5 mo...I was the bigger schmuck (LB's)...have grown alot...if it were up to me...I'd be back in a second but my W is not ready. She plainly stated that she probably will not be ready for another 6 mo. In fact she does not want to talk about the relationship for at least a month. I'm telling you at least D brings closure though I'm not sure I'll ever be ready for that. <P>If any of you folk have some ways to steady the course, I'm open to suggestions. Thanks.<P>DD<P><BR> <p>[This message has been edited by dumbdumb (edited May 11, 2001).]

I don't agree that Divorce brings closure. Closure is sorting through everything possible and then accepting what you can't sort through. (My "why" questions will never have answers -- must learn to accept that). Unfortunately, this equals alps-on-steroids rollercoaster ride. <P>I gave my WH a one-year schedule after moving out. Guess what? We're almost at one year and we will be extending. Things get better. Rollercoaster ups and downs are still huge dips and hills but it's rusting and slowing down!<P>Some days NOTHING can make me believe I'm emotionally stable. Why should I be after what's happened? I just flip out (alone usually) and hope that the neighbors don't care. <P>Meditation helps but only if the kids aren't in the next room fighting over Pokeman cards or blaring Backstreet Boys.<P>Actually, if I'm alone and riding the 'coaster, meditation is a great way to slow it all down. Exercise works great too. And if you have no substance abuse issues, a glass of wine, a journal and a good, indulgent vent can work wonders too.<P>Hope some of this helps.<P>Snow<P><p>[This message has been edited by Snowwhite (edited May 11, 2001).]

Welcome to LIMBOLAND, <P>we all would love to get off the ride. I hope to be off soon.<P>read the information on this site.<P>read the post, you will find your W is not that unusual.<P>

Hi DD,<P>Rollercoaster? Limbo funhouse? Yep you found the right circus. The A circus is in town. Now if you don't want to be a part of it. Don't pick up the ticket. Don't pay for the ride. <P>You will eventually have the strength to jump off that rollercoaster and you will see how much better it is to deal with the WS & OP. But you have to mentally be at that point. No one can make you do that prematurely. For me, that point came about 3 months after d/d. From that point on, how I dealt with it was much easier. No longer was the focus of 'what if' or what werer they doing. H did not live at home. I only had enough energy to take care of who lived in my home. H was out there on his own. The only things I needed to deal with him was his visitations with our child, money he owed and future debts (I carried his insurances, taxes, daycare, etc.) and his mail. Other than that communication was to be kept to a nil. <P>Well, that did not sit too well with WS, OW was happy and wrote in an e-mail: "you are free, free, free." Was Psyco Babble happy or what? Well she was but H was not. This put a damper on their new found freedom. Led to some ugly scenes between them the waffler and the psyco babble. What a combination. <P>Me, I was off the ride and the OW knew it. In fact, OW mentioned to WS that he needed to be careful of me since I now displayed such a 'cool and business like' manner, they did not know what I would do next. Hm.... I kind of liked that status. Still do and rightly so. <P>Here is a link that really helped me:<P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002494.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum34/HTML/002494.html</A> <P>I would also like to recommend: <P> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/008792.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/008792.html</A> <P>This may help and the phone counseling service offered by the Harley's are great. They can even help you with a plan a or b letter whichever you need. <P>Remember don't jump off that ride unless you are at a point you can jump off without getting hurt. It does you no good to jump off and either be killed or maimed for life. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<P><BR>

Hey there<P>I have never been a lover of funfair rides especially rollercoasters!!! This ride is no exception but try not to focus on the ride but on yourself.<P>My H walked out 1 year ago and I have done it all. Tried to make him feel guilty, tried to change him etc all the things that your should not do. I found this site and it really helped. The only thing that you are in control of is yourself. You say that you have grown a lot that is great. Keep concentrating on yourself and not on the ride - you will still feel the ups and downs but you will slowly feel more secure.<P>Hope this helps<P>Love and Prayers<P>A

Thanks for the replies. I guess I was steamed last night. I think exercise would do some good (Snow). Sometimes I wish you could speed the process...But I know, it takes time. I also know the timeline set for me is no different than anyone else on the MB boards. I'm just the "OK, deal with it...make a decision...move on" kind of person. I know I'm falling into the "immediate gratification" trap my counselor advised against...ambiguity is hard for me. <P>Anyone have a crystal ball?? There seems to be everything else at this "circus" (as you put it Orchid) except the fortune teller. <P>DD