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#916837 05/30/01 11:04 AM
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OK.....I'm at my wits end here trying to deal with this.<BR>My H and the OW no longer work on the same shift but their shifts do overlap for 2 hours every day.<BR>In this time my H is her boss.<BR>I have several people that have told me that they pretty much avoid each other...and of course my H tells me....work is work...that's what I'm there for and that's it. I think he forgets that the A started at work...so it's not just all work. He swears that he knows how she is now and doesn't have any feelings for her at all.<BR>Anyway....I know that they will stand around in groups and the OW will be there...don't think they talk to each other...but to others in the group. I know for a fact...because he told me...that he says hi to her and she says hi to him.<BR>I also know that my H sometimes has to help her on a machine which means he has to show her what to do sometimes.<BR>I do not believe that this should be happening. When he came home he agreed that someone else should be helping her if she needed help and that no contact at all would be made. No Hello's Goodbyes or How Ya Doings...but it's different now. Like he thinks I should be ok with it.<BR>I know as the boss he feels like he can't completely ignore her.....but does anyone else think that he should completely keep the contact as work only.....only talking when he has to explain something to her....no hellos?<BR>I also think that if she is in a group of people that he shouldn't join that group and if she joins one he is in that he should walk away.....but he doesn't think so. He says I have nothing to worry about....it's over and he doesn't want her....he's right where he wants to be.<BR>How can he think that I should be ok with this?<BR>There is no possiblity that he can find another job or transfer....or that we could move. Financial and personal reasons keep us from doing this. <BR>I'm stuck here.....knowing that he will see her every day and knowing that neither one of us can do anything about it right now. I do know that her husband has tried to get her to quit her job...but they met in the middle and she went to 2nd shift to prove to him that it was over and to make him happy....but guess what....I'm not happy and neither is he. He's worried about my H starting it again and I'm worried about her doing it.<BR>Though my H tells me that if she did he would tell her no and not feel bad about it at all.<BR>Am I just being paranoid....I mean....plenty of people are telling me that they have very little contact with each other other than work.

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Dear Miss........<BR>After 3 years of recovery, and knowing how the "OW" can pull and pull, I am a tough cookie now......<P>YES, I think you are right, you should feel uneasy, but maybe only because you husband thinks if he tells you something, you will believe it, and he doesn't have to prove anything anymore, or go with your wishes to make you happy. Even if he doesn't care for her, he should keep his distance, for your sake (and his), completely, totaly, let someone else help her, don't join in the group, he is the boss, he can keep his distance from everyone when they are having a "group hug", maybe she would quit if she REALLY saw how he was avoiding her.....maybe it wouldn't be FUN for her anymore to be around him. <P>Explain to him how she also hurt your family, and although you are accepting him back, he is showing you remorse, and you can go on, she is doing nothing, she has and still is a homewrecker, he should really not even want to look upon her. I know it takes two, but it only takes one to make it right with you and do EVERYTHING he can to make up for his "Bad Brain Period".<P>AH

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Dear MissPriss,<BR>You are going to drive yourself insane worrying if you don't stop yourself. The things we can't control, we must let go of. Just let go.<P>We have to trust God with our spouses regardless. Never let the devil see you sweat no matter what. Our marriage does not determine our worth and value, the precious shed blood of Jesus Christ does. WE WIVES ARE VALUABLE. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing." That's what the bible says. You are a good thing!!!! Now, act like it! Hold your head up.<P>You might just have to confess by faith that you trust your husband. That would mean a lot for him to hear right now. Even if you don't feel it, doesn't God call those things which be NOT as tho they WERE? God is a God of faith and we are to imitate Him. He created the universe with His words and we can create an atmosphere of love in our homes by speaking it when we feel it the least. (In order to obey and please GOD, then we can look to GOD for our answer instead of our spouses.)<P>I know, it's easier said than done, but we are created in God's image and He created us with the words of His mouth. How valuable then, are our words when we align them with His Word? This is why soft answers turn away wrath.<P>I remember one time when my husband was leaving me. He said he decided he had made a mistake and he would be leaving. I can hardly believe what came out of my mouth, but I said, "Okay, if you feel that you would be happier without me and without the kids, then I won't try to talk you out of it or change your mind, the important thing is that I love you and I want you to be happy." It felt like God took over my mouth because my flesh did NOT feel that way! Inside, I felt panic, disbelief and complete shock. But you know, after I said those words, the conversation ended. Instead of it becoming a frantic, heated discussion, there was silence.<P>In a few days, we talked it over and he didn't leave, but still, I think the words that come out of your mouth right now can turn the situation if you try to stay calm and just trust God to get through to your husband that what he is doing is wrong because it hurts you.

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The funny thing about this whole thing is that I do trust my husband somewhat.....probably more than I should.<BR>It's the OW I don't trust.<BR>My thinking is that saying hello to her leaves the door wide open. It can turn into....how are you....how was your weekend....and so on.....which is how the whole A started.<BR>I have told my husband that I do trust him to a point but it will take quite a while for me to trust him completely and he will have to earn that trust....he agrees.<BR>I have to admit that I worry about it too much....but I don't worry about it as much as I did a couple of weeks ago.<BR>I'm getting better....I think. lol


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