Hello everyone...I'm back with more questions, hope none of you mind. My question is how did your WS act when accused of an affair? Since I never suspected my H's affair in 1997, I never questioned or accused him of anything....He confessed on his own. <P>However, I'm suspicious of another current affair going on and when I question H he gets soooo angry and soooo defensive. He turns everything around on me. He told me last night that if I don't stop these accusations and trust him that our marriage is over! I'm just wondering what lengths a WS will go to in order to convince you that they are not having an affair, even when they are!!!<P>Thanks for all the help and comfort that I have recieved from everyone here.

I can't say that I ever accused my H of having an affair but I did ask him on several occasions what his relationship was with the OW......not knowing she was actually the OW at the time.<BR>I did ask question....only because he talked about her alot. More than he should have....and was duped enough to believe him when he said they were just friends.<BR>He neglected to tell me that for 2 months before he was forced to tell me about the A that he had been sitting in her car every day on breaks and at lunch. He never got upset when I would ask him....he would always say....I don't have anybody else.....do you?<BR>It was a EA for about 2 months then 2 weeks before he told me they kissed 2 times. Sex was involved....after he left me the 2nd time.<BR>I swore to him that if he had sex with her....it was completely over.....and look at me now....fighting with everything I have to make it work.<BR>

Well when I asked my wife, she would get very defensive and start accusing me of things, and saying I must be quilty of something LOL. Then she would get defensive about it and say they were just friends, I wanted to beleive her. She met him on the internet so I figured it was innocent he lived 2000 mile away. Then the daycame when she left me and still denied any involvement with him, a month later she moved to another town and moved in with him, to this day she denies she left me for him, LOL.<P>

It could be that he is automatically defensive because of unresolved guilt from the affair to which he confessed, but...angry and defensive describe my H when I LB and "catch" him in one of his lies. However, on D-day, it was different. He just denied, denied, denied. I let the evidence I had unfold slowly when I confronted him and it was a singular experience to hear the increasingly bizarre explanations he came up with to explain away everything. When I got to the used condoms in the garbage bag, he just froze. Couldn't think up a plausible explanation for those, but still couldn't admit to what he had done. Maybe cautious snooping is in order here? But beware of LB in case your suspicions are unwarranted; if he's innocent, it will hurt him and drive him away to be unjustly accused. Best wishes, octavia99

My H lied, came up with very questionable explanations, got angry with me for not trusting him, questioned my faithfulness, brought up things from the very far past (before we were even married), said he knows it looks bad but swored on the Holy Bible (wasn't saved yet), swore on our daughter's life, swore on his recently deceased aunts grave, and swore on his mother's life that nothing was going on, they were friends only. That was some pretty thick fog or as I believe, Satin himself showing.

My H had become emotionally distant for several months and was picking stupid fights with me and ignoring my needs when I was ill and didnt want to go out together for my bday. He even came to bed later than I did and got up before me and didnt want his usual backrubs or any intimacy. I confronted him Jan.about it asked him outright if he was involved with someone- he denied it. A month later things had gotten even more distant between us so on valentines day morning I asked him again and insisted he tell me the truth. I told him all the reasons I believed he was involved. He did confess then saying, "Well I figured the marriage was over in my head before it became physical and I"m leaving you." 4 mo later we are together but what a road it has been! At least he had the guts to confess. lifeismessy

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Angelface:<BR><B>However, I'm suspicious of another current affair going on and when I question H he gets soooo angry and soooo defensive. He turns everything around on me. He told me last night that if I don't stop these accusations and trust him that our marriage is over!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Angelface - sounds like he's following the script verbatim. It is absolutely spooky how similar they all are when confronted.<P>My wife did exactly the same things. She was so good at denials that I began questioning my own sanity. It wasn't until I actually saw them embracing and kissing in an airport that I knew it wasn't me that was nuts. Even after that, she still denied it and has to this day - almost a year later.<P>WAT<P>

Angelface, I'm a WS (and not very proud of it) and when my H accused me of having an A I became angry and indignant - a defense mechanism to be sure. I denied everything, until I was caught red-handed.<P>Your H's reaction to your questions indicates that something could be going on. I think you have trust your gut instincts on this one - they are rarely wrong.<P>{{{{Hugs}}}}

He suddenly started to act weird and one day I just got this "feeling" that I needed to pcik up the phone and press redial. A woman answered and I asked for a former temp at his office (another "feeling"). It was her. He came home from the store and I asked him why he had been calling "Skanky". I have never seen someone grow quite so pale. He immediately got defensive and said they were "friends" and he had every right to have friends but if I was going to make such a big deal about it he just wouldn't have friends anymore. The next day he told me that she called him (I had talked to her) and he told her that they couldn't be friends anymore. Until the A was over he continued to maintain tha the had never spoken to her since that day. He had actually been living with her since he left our home! Later on, when he started changing his mind about us I woudl ocasionally bring her up. He would hug me an laugh and tell me how silly I was and how overactive my imagination was.

My H kept denying it each time I asked. I would see some chat that looked suspicious and questioned him, but because the chats did not include any hard core proof, he kept telling me that he would never do that to me, that I had nothing to worry about, and he would make up these ridiculous stories to make what I saw benign- and stupid me, I bought it.<P>It wasn't until I found a chat that specifically talked about their affair did he come clean. It might have been the way I brought it up that time too. Before, I would ask, "Are you two involved with each other?" When I confronted him the last time I asked, "So, does she perform better than me?" It was not a pretty sight. I've never seen a man have such a blank look on his face- like a deer caught in the headlights.

I never had any idea so no I didnt ask my Husband if he was having an affair but strangely enough though in a heated argument he accused me of being in one (when it was him!!)<BR>I was totally shocked and stunned and said No why in the world would I have one of those? and certainly wasnt angry/defensive etc as I was perfectly innocent<BR>Im sure any person who is truly sorry for an affair who is being accused of another one would do everything possible to prove he wasnt hurting you again. Be careful!!<BR>