I made a big mistake ... I shared [H's] thread with my H. Tonight during an argument, he brought it up and made ... well, let's say it made him very angry.<P>He doesn't want me posting here. He wants me to tell all of you that I am lying in these posts to you. He wants me to tell you that if I hadn't done what I did, he wouldn't have done what he did. He wants me to tell you that I kicked him out, and that there was never an affair. He wants me to tell you that we were separated. Here's where I don't know how to explain this, because I don't understand what he wants me to say ... but he wants me to say that he left again because I kicked him out to begin with. By filing for divorce. He wants me to say that his relationship with his girlfriend, whom he admires and respects, has nothing to do with the state of our marriage today, and that I was the only problem and it was because of me that he left. He wants me to tell you that he was not lying about being involved with her when we went to counseling. He wants me to tell you that I lied all during the counseling session about what the problems were.<P>He wants me to tell you all that he is not abusive, and that I lied to my attorney when I filed for divorce. He wants me to tell you that he does not do drugs and that he did not drink excessively during our marriage. He wants me to tell you that I sabotaged our marriage counseling because I lied about these things to the counselor. <P>He wants me to get rid of all of my books about affairs and my healing material. I am not to speak about this again, to anyone, not to him. He says that if I bring it up again, he will divorce me. I can't let that happen - I remember what it was like to be hungry and not know if I'd have a home.<P>Anyway, that's what my H wants me to tell you. It is up to you what you choose to believe.<P>I can't type anymore because I threw myself on the floor and hurt my arm to make my husband feel guilty, he says. Or I tripped and fell. <P>I love you all so much for listening and being my friends. Please remember me? My real name is Melissa.<P>

Belldandy I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry.

Dearest Melissa,<P>I don't know if you'll be able to come back and read this, or if your H will read this.<P>I want you to know that I will remember you. <P>I believe what you have written. <P>I will pray for you and your H -- for a healing in your marriage and in your lives. Take care of your arm, okay? Take care of YOU...<P>Sheryl

Bell,<P>You've been a great hope and inspiration for us all here. You've been a great friend to a lot of people here. Including myself. You sought to protect me on here, in my own thread. You give advice thats sound in sight and sound in paragraph, heart, and mind. Theres no question in my mind who to believe bell. It's understood he's going to lash out at you.<P>When I first got on this site, and saw all these things my wife had posted about me. My first thought was "Create" an account and get on here, denounce her status with everyone, tell everyone she was lying, tell everyone theres two sides to the arguement, and make it look like she was a liar.<P>I choose not to do that, I had some integrity. Why is he trying to force you to get rid of your support Bell? Why does he despritely want you not to talk with anyone? Is it because we are making sense, and he's afraid? I too thought everyone on marriage builders was clearly co-dependant, and clearly insane for sharing thier problems so openly here.<P>Well as I understood what this site was all about, the fear left. You fear things you don't understand. Like why would a complete stranger give you two cents of decent advice, and why would they say "Hang in there, Hugs! Be patient! Your a great person!" and so on. Fear. I feared this site too in the beginning, thinking that all these people were out to get me, because my wife painted this not so pretty picture of me too.<P>I failed to pick up, that this isn't a husband bashing site. This isn't a wife bashing site. You all aren't ganging up on me. Just telling my wife, that things will be okay in the long run. That it's okay to be angry, its okay to be upset, it's okay to be hurt. She needed support, and everyone here gave it to her. Including you Bell. I appreciate everything you've said. I appreciate having this forum available to my wife. I appreciate everyone here. The knowledge we all have, the sharing, its a huge benefit.<P>I've seen and read some damaging things of my own in the beginning and I freaked out, and said holy crap, this is so one sided. These people are going to hate me. If i even post here once i am a dead man, I will have this huge mafia of wives knocking on my doorstep for all the rotten, hurful things I did to my wife.<P>This place isn't like that. It's a place of healing. So while I may see your genuinely upset with your husbands words, actions, and reactions to things. I'm not out there thinking he's insane, and I would love to clean his clock. It's not about that at all. I don't care about the bad things he's doing. I just wish he'd stop doing it to a good woman who's trying so hard to say. I love you H. I wish you'd come home, I wish we could talk we used to. I wish you wanted to work on our marriage. I wish you'd come out of the fog. I am trying everything in my power to help, and thats just it. Its a powerless feeling im sure.<P>Seriously, why is he so afraid of help? Why is he so scared he's now threatening you with divorce if you don't stop getting help here. Because he thinks your lying to us? Why get rid of all your books?<P>He needs to stop running away, and be a man. Face the facts, face the music, stand up, put the ego aside. Say. Yes I screwed up, I made some huge mistakes. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Now how can we repair this? How can we grow from this? What can we learn from this? What can I do to help? <P>Bell, I'm praying for you. Praying for your H as well, praying he has the courage to admit he's making and continuing mistakes.<P>Again, thank you Melissa. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I too will remember you.<P>------------------<BR>[H] / Aeon Blue<P>My advice is my advice. Take the good, disgard the bad. Do whats right for you. Not because I said it worked for me.<p>[This message has been edited by [H] (edited June 13, 2001).]

Melissa, <P>Please tell us that you are here. This is not good at all. Let us know if you are all right.<P>Z<P>

Dear Melissa,<P>We have heard what your H said. You always have our thoughts and prayers with you. It is best to abide by his wishes. I hope that soon he will see that we are not a threat to him or his marriage but rather one of his allies for his family. <P>Please remember those of us on the JFO site. <P>Take Care because we care for you. <P>L.<P>

For you belldandy.<P><BR>She glides through the greeness<BR>with the slightest of sounds<BR>a bare tiny whisper<BR>and when she turns around<BR>I can see past the rainbow<BR>the darkness, the hurt,<BR>the bittersweet sting<BR>and the broken wing<BR>this ancient creature<BR>loved and yet feared<BR>named by the Greeks<BR>for the sweetness she brings<BR>lost in the garden<BR>searching for food<BR>searching for truth<BR>searching for love<BR>searching... Melissa<BR>

Dearest Melissa,<P>I believe everything you have written. <P>I will <B>never</B> forget you dear Melissa.<P>I pray for the Lord to send another guardian angel to be by your side. I pray for you, your safety, the healing of your arm and of your lives and marriage. I am also praying for your husband.<P>Please know you will never be forgotten. Take care of YOU Melissa.<P>Knewjie

Melissa,<P>No you won't be forgotten!! <P>(((((Melissa)))))<P>Melissa aka Mitzi

Melissa,<P>I'm somewhat stunned by this attempt by your H to control you. Violence in a relationship is never acceptable, and I only hope and pray that you are ok.<P>Take care,<P>Steve

belld ... Melissa - we are very very worried about you. I hope that you are ok and that you sometime have the opportunity to read how much we care about you.<P>We believe, Melissa, we believe that which is the truth!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

You know this is one time I wish we were not so anonymous here. I wish we knew how to get in touch with Belldany (aka Melissa) or someone who could check on her.<P>Just wishing aloud.<P>Z<BR><P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

same feeling here zorweb, same feeling here.<P>Melissa of course we will not forget you. <BR>I have a lot of things running on my mind, but I'm not going to voice then right now.<BR>We're all here for you, and if you can't be here with us, we will still think of you and send positive thoughts your way.<P>Hugs<BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>"Each and everyone of us is deserving of a gentle thougth, a kind word and the gift of understanding"

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by zorweb:<BR><B>You know this is one time I wish we were not so anonymous here. I wish we knew how to get in touch with Belldany (aka Melissa) or someone who could check on her.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Despite the cautions about email offline, this sort of situation is one which demonstrates the value of that form of communication.<P>If I can help, I can be reached at smmcse@yahoo.com.<P>Steve<BR>

I'm going to follow Steve's lead here... <P>my email is zorweb@hotmail.com<P>If there is anyway I can help... please let me know<P>Z

I wanted to do that earlier, I thought it might not be safe. But I too would like to join in. <P>My e-mail address is: lhmkem@yahoo.com<P>You know, I would be willing to speak with either you or your H. <P>We care so much for you, please let us know how you are doing. <P>Aloha,<BR>L.

Here's mine:<P>mitzihartman@webtv.net<P>

Some time ago we used to have and e-mail exchange for anyone who wanted to post their e-mails. <P>Here's mine arka61@hotmail.com<BR>Hugs <BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>"Each and everyone of us is deserving of a gentle thougth, a kind word and the gift of understanding"

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Katb:<BR><B>Some time ago we used to have and e-mail exchange for anyone who wanted to post their e-mails. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I have it bookmarked, though not that many posted to it. Here's the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000332.html" TARGET=_blank>link</A>.<P>For anyone who is hesitant to give out their email address and doesn't know, you can always go to hotmail or yahoo and get a free email account using any username that hasn't been taken. With web-based email you can then access it anywhere as long as you can get on the internet. I think some libraries now have internet access, probably lots of other places also, if a person is concerned that someone, for example an administrator at work, may see their email.<P>Steve<P><BR>

Too bad your h can’t/won’t come here to “defend” himself. Sounds like a spoiled brat and just HAS to have his way.<P><B>He says that if I bring it up again, he will divorce me. </B><BR>So you’re going to live with this over your head for the next x years?<P>Also, does this mean he WILL NOT divorce you?<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>