YOU GUYS ARE NEVER, EVER GOING TO BELIEVE WHAT MY H JUST CAME TO TELL ME!!!<P>It appears as though my H cannot seem to "get it up" while he is around OW. Yes, I did say just say that.<P>So all this while I'm worried he's coming to tell me his EA went to PA, he comes by today to share with me that he is not able to get aroused by her. I told him, I don't believe it. I mean we would do it 1-2 times each day. He never has any problems getting it up with me (never did during entire EA), and didn't on Monday when he came over. <P>Oh, I know he's thought about her sexually before, but THIS IS WAY TOO INTERESTING. I just smiled the whole time.<P>He said they are "waiting" until he figures things out with me. And although they've kissed a few times since he moved out, they mostly just hang out. I said how do you know you'd even be able to do it then? He said, well I assume we'd be fooling around and stuff and I'd just be able to.<P>Whoa. NOT what I was expecting at all. And you know, I do believe him, I mean, why come to my house for 5 minutes to tell me that?? He said he did it so my mind wouldn't be racing and I would know nothing was going on because he physically can't. He hasn't admitted it to her and says he'll deny all of it if I tell anyone.<P>Of course, he has confided with me in everything as it was happening with the EA, so this doesn't surprise me that much. I knew about the EA 2 days after it started and all the gross details... I know WAY too much about her and her webbed feet (ewww). You have to know my H to know he's not lying about this one!<P>I don't know why it was so important he come and tell me that now in person...<P>Wow. I am shocked. Now, the only thing is that my H and I kidded around about him leaving a bar name and date on the answering machine and me meeting him there. It would be like a fun night out / one night stand. This was before I knew about his "problem". I thought it would be fun at the time, but I'm guessing you guys will agree - bad idea. Obviously she can't meet this EN <snicker>.<P>Oh, the OTHER thing that he said was that OW was thinking about taking her little sister who's my daughter's age (yes, I did just say that - ick) to WaterCountry and H wanted to take some of the kids. I replied, NO WAY, NEVER, not going to happen. I said my OD would never go anyway, and it is just wrong. I could tell it upset him but he just said, okay, I won't argue. He said he told me about the whole thing so I wouldn't feel bad about letting him take the kids to Watercountry with her, since I knew nothing was going on. OVER MY DEAD BODY, I'LL GO AND KICK THAT LITTLE <bleep> <bleep>'s BUTT IF SHE GOES ANYWHERE NEAR MY KIDS. NOT GONNA HAPPEN.<P>I am having a hard time going back to plan B, but I know I should. Z, I got your other post, thanks for the kick in the butt. I guess I better start writing another letter, huh?<P>I am relieved and yet amazed by my H everyday. Can I take this as a good sign, or what?

sorry hurt - I just couldn't help myself but giggle at your husband's 'problem with the OW'... you must be so relieved!<P>can't type any more - this is going to keep me amused all night!<P>hugs, Paint.

I dont post on this thread too often...BUT I am laughing so "hard" (opps... pun on words) This has to be the funniest thing I have read in a long time. Good news is I think that man of your has conscience!!!! that is what he should have. well I think that plan B of yours should start to work here soon. Do you think monday ( your encounter w/ H) was him trying to "see" if he can perform?? he is REALLY in a deep fog all for "web feet"? is this true?? does she really have webbed feet? (ewwwww). As far as the kids socializing with OW...NO WAY IN H***... I am with you on that one...but of all places to go watercountry...she should swim REAL GOOD with those feet of hers ...LOL<BR>give it time..he will come home....she sound like a real prize...Take Care..I know you will sleep better tonite

hurtbyhubby,<P>rotfl.....<P>I hope you are right that he is not lying about this. Maybe he had to tell you after being with you the other day. Maybe he is amazed and just wants to share it with you.<P>Or maybe by telling you he is trying to relieve the guilt that is keeping him from "performing" with her. Once relieved of the guilt, then he can move on into a PA.<P>Or maybe it was just a game he's playing with you. I hope you are right that he was not lying, because if he is, this is a pretty sick ploy. One of those sick WS games where he says/does whatever it takes to keep you and the OW on the string.<P>The fog is a weird thing... his thinking that since he cannot get it up with her then it's ok for him to have a date with her and the kids.<P>Perhaps you can tell the kids about it and explain to them that it's ok.. can you hear this. "Hey kids, you know that your dad is very confused right now. He does not know who he loves and has been doing mean things to me and you. But I just found out that although he is lusting after her and thinks he loves her he cannot get it up. So this bit of news makes all the difference to me. Since he cannot get it up I feel wonderful about him and OW taking you Watercountry. Now you have a good time and be sure to tell me if your dad suddenly recovers and get it up. Call me immediately and I'll pick you up."<P>Sorry I could not help going throught that sick thought. LOL<P>Yep, I think it's time for a new Plan B letter. <P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

My H experienced difficulty with some of the OW in climaxing but not in becoming aroused. It would be interesting to take a poll and see how often this occurred.

Count me in on this one. H would be mad if he knew I was sharing this with all of you. Oh well. What don't you all know already? <P>Yep, OW was mad the times H could not 'do it'. Now why would he tell me? The one they both hated? Fog or what?!?!?!<P>L.

YOU WROTE:" Yep, OW was mad the times H could not 'do it'"<P>Ooooh!! You don't know the times I've PRAYED that this is the case with my H!!! I have OTHER PEOPLE praying that he's having a hard - er, no - uh, *difficult* time getting hard.....it would serve him right, eh??<P>This was such a chuckle!!! Thanks for sharing this with us....I'm not looking for deeper meaning here. Just enjoying the moment...Hbh...I think you should just enjoy the thought of this, too!!!!<P>All the best,<BR>Lupo

I would say he is lying.........um..about 95% certainty.

I hate to be a downner, and I hope I am wrong. It could be true what he is saying. But then again it could be a variation of the we are just friends theme. See, its ok for me to still be friends with her because there is no sex involved. So he can continue to see you and talk and you can feel OK about him continueing his relationship with her, cause after all THEY ARE JUST FRIENDS.<P>Does it really matter if the have sex or not? He is having an affair, emotional or sexual. Is it ok with you if he continues his relationship with her? Whatever it is? Do you want to be waiting for their sex to just happen? Please look at how he has maniplated you into talking to him again.<P>Did he talk to you as you wanted when he was ready to end it with her? No, he just tried to pacify you with no sex. I would bet he now thinks plan B is over and everthing is hunky dory, you can be one big family if friends with her and her family. Cause they are just friends.<BR>Lora

I agree w/sad_n_lonely and Lora on this one. I would say he is telling you exactly what you want to hear to keep both sides going. JMO

I thought long and hard about replying.<P>I'm with sad_n_lonely and Lora. How does he know he can't get it up unless they tried? And if they tried, what's the difference if he wasn't successful?<P>Sorry.<P>WAT

I was once a WS myself. Your husband is playing you big time! One word of advice....if you do decide to go into Plan B make sure you can stick with it this time. Sleeping with him again after telling him you will not tolerate his behavior will only encourage him to keep playing you. It turns into a game.....how much crap can I dish out and she'll keep coming back. I agree with the other few posts....he's a liar.

I don't know, maybe he is lying, but I find it hard to believe. What would be the point?<P>I mean why would he come over for 5 minutes just to tell me that? He already told me on Monday nothing was going on, why come back to share this? He didn't gain anything by it other than possibly putting his mind at ease that he may convince me nothing is going on. What does it matter though, he's still gone. And the way he told me and the things he said afterwards just made me believe him. I could tell it wasn't easy for him to share that with me, but he had to share it with someone - me.<P>He can't share things with OW that he shares with me. He has told me that in the past, and this is just one more thing. I guess it makes me sort of happy.<P>My H is not good at keeping things from me. Never has been, always has to tell me everything, even when it hurts me.<P>I don't know, my H is not very creative. Coming up with something like this on his own... Eh, maybe, but I can think of alot of OTHER things he would say first. This is an attack on his manhood, why do this when there are 5-6 other things he could say/lie about that would have the same effect?<P>It also explains why he is not giving me his address, she still goes over there, which I knew, because he is still "hanging out" with her. <P>I don't know. I just thought it was interesting. And YES, OW does have webbed feet, which I find disgusting.<P>Ms. naive here, trying to force myself to believe the worst about my H, but finding it hard to do in the midst of the fog... I do realize my H loves to play mind games and this may just be one more - my guard is up.<P>I am going back to plan B. In fact, I'm in it now, and if he tries to break it, I'll just leave him a message re-iterating everything. Done.<P>Thanks everyone. Glad I gave some of you a laugh!

I too, would be very cautious about believing this. Too often they tell us what they think we need to hear so we believe there is nothing physical going on.<P>I hope it isn't true in this case, but I'm skeptical, especially given he came by just to say that.

<BR>Its possible he's telling the truth. Schnarch's Quantum Theory of Sexual Response posits that the total sum of stimulation (physical, visual, plus thoughts and feelings) leads to two thresholds that have to be crossed. The first threshold is erection, which occurs at a lower level of total stimulation than the second threshold, which is orgasm. <P>If the thoughts and feelings component included apprehension, guilt, or other feelings that we distract from the experience, its possible that these feelings could *reduce* total stimulation below the threshold necessary for erection. The same is true for WS's who have trouble reaching orgasm.<P>Of course, the fallacy of gloating about his erection diificulty is that it would in no way prevent him from giving her oral sex or other manual stimulation. And even if that didn't happen, he would still be in an emotional affair. So I'm left agreeing with Lora. Apart from the STD/pregnany risks, does it matter if they are sexually active? He's still in an affair either way you slice it.<P>Bystander

YOU GUYS ARE NEVER, EVER GOING TO BELIEVE WHAT MY H JUST CAME TO TELL ME!!!<P>You're exactly right - there's no way I would believe it!<P>Shakti

Okay. I'm a schmuck because I still believe him.<P>It doesn't matter anyway because I'm in plan B again now and whether or not he was lying or not doesn't change the way I feel or the circumstances. It just gives me a laugh and a little hope.

hurt,<P>I am one of the few here that actually believe that you H is telling you the truth. My H would never have been able to MAKE that up. and I bet he had to tell someone, someone who knows he can (get it up). If he confided in a friend, they would just think that this is a problem he had with you and maybe that is why he strayed. So he in my opinion 1) had to prove he could...hence he had sex with you on monday.<BR>2) then tell his best friend (you), about this problem, you knowing that he does not normally have such a problem.<P>I would still be very careful with your heart, it seems he is trying to overcome this problem, remember the first thing about overcoming it is admitting you have a problem.<BR>I am glad you are back in plan B..stay there, dont give into him again, even though he admitted he may not have had sex with the OW, he basically admitted he is trying...tell him to leave you alone until he can recommit...stay strong hurt...(((huggs)))<BR>