To calla:<BR>Deciding what exactly to do regarding the friendship is the topic for tonight when H gets home. I told him last night that we'll take this one day at a time, and decide together what's best. I want him to share in the decision. I don't want it to be simply a demand from me. Unfortunately, I don't think we can go back now and apply what we've learned to this situation. We will only be able to apply our lessons to the future. There's a little too much history here for my comfort, and I believe it's best for him to end this friendship. But I would like him to come to that conclusion as well (with a swift kick in the rear-end from me to help). I'll let you know how that goes. Thank you for caring.<P>To struggling:<BR>Part of the new rules will be speaking up right away when either one of us sees a problem. Believe me, I haven't fought this hard to want to see things get bad again. I will be keeping my eyes wide open, and I'm going to tell him so. There's going to be a loving wife standing behind him holding a big 'ol fryin pan with her arms crossed, tapping one foot and waiting. For awhile anyway. What I have to be ready for now is the possibility of some withdrawal and depression on his part. Guess we'll cross that proverbial bridge when we come to it.<P>Struggling, you are on the path to healing. The fact that you are here says so. Stick with it. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. You will be in my prayers.

I have not read your letter to H, but if I recall correctly, I did post the one I sent to mine when I was in a similar situation, so I'll go back and read yours. <P>You said: <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I've been thinking all day about telling my H that I'm sorry if I hurt him and made him angry.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No, no, no! You do not apologize, because he will interpret it as meaning that you are no longer upset about this relationship.<P>These "friendships" are tough nuts to crack, because when you confront, there is nothing tangible you can put your finger on. What you're doing so far is OK, but you MUST combine it with Plan A stuff. You will need to be the one who he can go to when he wants to complain about work.<P>That's how my H's EA started too -- the head of the company was being crazy, and the underlings bonded together. I didn't want to hear it, because my H has been let go of jobs so many times, always preceded by this sort of complaining, I just couldn't listen to it any more. Big mistake.<P>Yes, I know it gets old, and you get sick of it...but you have to be the one he feels he can go to.