We're the same age - I have a 6 yr old son and 4 yr old d. Tough keeping up with them...<P>While I have stayed away from other men during my ten yr. marriage, I often wondered why my marriage was so dry. We were very good friends and then he started going outside looking for more.<P>I was faced with recovering from the pain your h must feel at the betrayal AND both of us wondering if we could do it since it seemed neither of us felt much love for the other.<P>You said you are aware that you were very vulnerable when you met the OM. That is what fuels the feelings: you feel a great need and he starts meeting it. You also say he has some big deficits, but while your feelings run so high, it is easy to minimize them...<P>I applaud your desire to do what is best for your d. I don't think staying just for the kids works, but I believe any two people can create that wonderful chemistry if they want to. The grass will always seem greener somewhere else. You could divorce and marry the OM, only to find out much later your mistake.<P>I am glad you are here asking. I am a long-term member who has fully recovered in my marriage. We are building the in-loveness every day. But it's not the heady feelings of new love - the fog. The letter OM wrote you, wouldn't we all love to hear that more? It makes you feel so good, you forget "real life".<P>The first thing you must do is break all ties with the OM. Only then, can you begin to work on meeting your h's needs. Share Dr. Harley's info with him. My h did, and I ended up doing most of the work on meeting needs at first, while he mourned for his "lost love". Today, he scratches his head and wonders how he could have been so stupid and is so grateful that I was there for him.