Ok - my husband got dumped by the OW today. I think he's completely distraught over this, and I'm not quite sure what to do! I'm not sure that she's really gone for good - she wants to try to work things out with her current boyfriend. Have any of you ever experienced this? What are some good things for me to do . . . Should I just wait things out, or is this a good time for me to take some specific action?<P>Any input is appreciated.<P>- WLE

WLE:<P>Well, miracles never cease. Step up your Plan A endeavors. Since OW is withdrawing, there will be a huge EN vacuum. Fill it now!<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

I suggest just being there for him, let him talk, validate his feelings. You'll score points for that.<P>I have no experience with this, but I believe that this is what is normally recommended.

My H gave his OW an ultimatum..go with me and us be officially publically together in a another town, or you will never hear from me again. Luckily for me, she did not go with him... It was a "break up" in a sense. He was very distraught... cried for her for days and missed her and wanted her for months. <BR>If you and your H have been able to keep your relationship postive and and remain friends, you have a great opportunity. I was supportive and loving, I held him while he cried for her and missed her. Mind you, I am no saint and I did not feel that way inside, but I acted in a way that would draw him to me. I screamed, ranted, raved and cried with good friends, but did not do this to him. I had done this early after discovery of the A. <BR>Be the opposite of the OW... Be committed, stable, etc. ALthough it is painful to nurse your H through a broken heart, if you can love him through this, you will score major love points. Now, 2 years later, my H said that was the turning point in helping him come out of the fog and back to me. It takes a lot of strength which I don't have, but I am a spiritual person and firmly believe that God gave me the strength to do that... so if you believe in prayer, PRAY. THis time could be crucial in the restoration of your marriage. <BR>Just a note of what worked for me...take what you can use and discard the rest<BR>God bless<BR>Jen

ditto STL, Rick, and Jenni.<P>One more thing - this means your work has just begun. Have you read about handling your WS's withdrawal? Believe it or not, you have to GIVE big time. Don't expect him to be remorseful.<P>Hopefully the former WSs here will help you out.<P>WAT<p>[This message has been edited by worthatry (edited July 02, 2001).]

Update - he is just sooooo angry! It's basically the same as I felt when I found out about the affair. I'm trying to be as supportive as possible but it's so hard. I'm telling him that I will be there to support him, he says he just wants to be alone - that I don't deserve the "burden" of him and his problems. That I'm too good for him and I don't deserve him.<P>I told him that sharing his life was not a burden to me, and that I should be able to make the decision about what is good/bad for me myself. I also told him that the only thing I "deserve" is death for my sins - everything else is a gift from God, including him.<P>This rollercoaster is making me sick!<P>- WLE

WLE:<P>Despite the motion sickness caused by the rollercoaster, you did the right thing, said the right things.<P>The fog mass is churning, let's see where it goes ... hopefully the Plan A wind will blow it out to sea.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Hi WingslikeEagles:<P>Just like your name says you are going to have to do alot of supporting right now...but please protect yourself...and remember that alot of time OW will just be manipulating situation to force WS to do what she wants.<P>Try to remain calm and reassuring to your WS...that you're there if he needs help...without smothering him...go slow and keep your expectation low. Hope he really is through with her.<P>Faye

Yes... protect yourself... I'm in this same position and am about to post a thread about it... Since finding out last night that the OM seems to be pulling the plug, I've let my mind and heart do all sorts of things... I hope that to my W, however, she's just seen me being supportive. It took me several hours of thinking and feeling to realize how vulnerable I had instantly let myself become... The OM could have called her to go to lunch today and we could be right back where I was before... So yes, offer yourself, but in the right way, and with caution...<P>fake_name

Wings,<P>Been there three times actually. But since my H works with OW(she's his secretary) it probably makes my situation a little different.<P>Do Plan A big time. I did a great job of making him feel special and planning dates after my classes at night; making a big deal about his b-day, etc., problem was the fog was sooo thick all H could do was focus on OW and not the things and improvements I was making(for four months). While I was going all out for H, he was going all out to get OW back and succeeded. But OW wanted it all again in April and told H "it's either only me and you leave your family now or it's over". Well, he didn't leave and she dumped him and yes I held him when he cried over his loss even though it was killing me inside. Could he crawl back to her again? Possibly. But this time while I'm am Plan A-ing, I'm not going into this recovery blindly like before thinking that it's a sure thing that OW is out of the picture. Protect yourself but DO Plan A. I think that my Plan A job kept him from giving OW what she wanted;ALL.<P>It's a long crazy road we have decided to travel. I for one think it is worth the bumps and bruises we recieve along the way; at least for now. I've been Plan A-ing again since she's dumped him in April. Has his feelings for her lessened any since then; H says not. Has H's feelings for me increased any since then, I think they have but he won't admit to it. H is very careful not to be put into a romantic situation with me. I believe it's because he's starting to feel something and feels like he's cheating on her. <P>Be strong. Tap into that inner-strength we BS's seem to possess. It always seems to be there when we need it.