This is my second post, and here's the burning question. I ended my H's affair 3-1/2 months ago.... After counseling, etc...we're getting along much better, and going to take a 4-day trip in a week or two. I've eliminated discussing the OW, and am really giving it my all. However, I'm still the one that says "I love You"... he will reply that he loves me back, but he's not instigated this. When we've discussed it, he says he just has taken it for granted that I know he loves me!!... which of course doesn't set well given our recent past. Should I just continue to say "I love you" or give it a rest. As painful as it is, I guess he's just not "ready" for it... That, or he's just stubborn... I'm honestly not sure... He says that he's just out of the habit... I'm afraid I'm putting too much pressure on this, and a few other things. Why is it that I'm the one (BS) that seems to be trying to prove myself? I can't wait forever for him to come around on this.... You'd think he'd say it a couple of times just to passify me, but that's not been the case.

Boy - I can relate. <BR>We've been in recovery for about a year - 14 months actually since DDay. STILL - No "I love you" from my H.<BR>Doesn't sign, Love .... or anything.<BR>He does many loving things. We get along great. Sex is awesome, he recently worked a long stint out of town and he really missed me.<BR>SO - I do tell him I love him - not so much lately because, well, it does hurt not to hear it back.<BR>But - hang in there - actions speak volumes.<BR>Will post more later - H just getting in.

My wife's EA with a gay man isn't over, and I still say "I love you" regularly and intentionally. She responds with "I love you, too," and also won't instigate. This is a big step forward from a couple of months ago when she wouldn't even say thank you if I gave her a card. It hurts, no question. I've found I have to say it, and I want her to hear it, even if there are times it is too much for her (because of guilt or whatever) and she "wants her space."