I'm with the ones who call you all friends. I have made lots of friends here that I hope to keep for a lifetime. I've met a few in person and there are many more I'd love to meet! <P>You guys know more about my life and marriage than anyone who is here in real life. I've opened up and told you things that I would never tell anyone else. Only because I trust you and know that aot of you are experiencing the same things I am.<P>Tanya's death broke my heart. Not because I thought I knew everything about her, but because since I've been here, I've shared her pain. I cry, laugh, and love with you all!! <P>You ALL are my friends!<P>Mitzi

Shedawg:<P>Having a good, positive marriage is a good thing to all members here: it is a reminder that there is an ultimate payoff beyond their current circumstance.<P>Divergent viewpoints herein help to create a tapestry for all to see, each contributing to the weaving of its individual components. So your contributions help to define a portion of the whole.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

This whole thing with Tanya has gotten me pretty upset and sad, but I do know this one thing. Although I have never seen most of the people's faces on this forum, you all are as real as if you were in the flesh sitting beside me every day. <P>I can't speak for everyone, but know that I do love and care for the people on this forum. Like Nyneve, I have been up all night praying for one person whom I thought wouldn't make it through the night; I have helped some by interpreting womanspeak; I have hugged a hundred people when they felt so lonely their souls ached; heck, I even joked with some folks over sex! I started to remind people that they CAN laugh again by starting jokes on one forum. <P>I feel very close to many on these boards because I can be myself and not be judged or belittled or any of that, and I expect the same from you'all. Hearing of Tanya's death IS a loss to me, because even though she and I were not good friends, I LOVED the way she showed us her feelings so clearly. I laughed at her revenge plots sometimes. I cried at her struggles with coming to grips with Mia. <P>Yes, even though we are "anonymous" I do love you all.<P>CJ <P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Everybody . . . . . <P>Yes! I have a face, and a real body, and a real heart and soul. I have been hurt terribly by my H. I went through clinical depression, while he was going through his fog/withdrawal/depression. The only (ONLY) way I found all of you, was to write a 5 page letter to Dr. Dobson, Focus on the Family, because of his books. My H went to the library and checked out some books - he took an alone trip in January for 10 days, that made me go crazy (to find himself). I took a trip to the library after he did, and found some books to read, some solace. We were seeing a marriage counselor (LOL) helped VERY LITTLE. Then I got a book called Passages of Marriage, and I called Minirth/Myers. I don't know who's mailing list I got on (I think it was from M/M), but Dr. Harley e-mailed his newsletter. About a month later I looked at this web site. OMG. <P>I just want to start crying.<P>I use to have alot of friends (girlfriends, boy friends, and a boyfriends in high school). But as I've gotten older, and in our present career, it has been hard to make the close friends (friends) I use to have. I had one good girlfriend who moved to PA, but I bugged her so much with my crying, and excessiveness from the A - I don't know where our friendship is anymore. Another friend, never called me back, she was out of town when I needed to talk to her, I know she heard I was trying to get in touch - I really needed a shoulder to cry on - she never contacted back - so I've just said to he** with her. She can go on with her life without ME in it - because I am special, and she will miss me. But ... <P>My H is not the "I'm sorry" type - he shows little emotion. I can't bring him out. I've learned some things about him since this, and he learned my big secret. I was married before, and I had an A on my x. That's another book - over with.<P>My current goal is to save my marriage/our marriage, and spend the rest of my life with the guy I am married too. I get very frustrated at the current state of our affairs (meaning life not A).<P>I feel very close to many of you. Some of you, I have never talked to, but I see your posts. I see pain, and anguish, I also see hope, and love. I know we are here to get through this time in our life. I do not appreciate the rogues who come to post - to tear these forums and the people down - I have seen and heard the appauling posts - like the perpetrator princess (aka JaP, JustaPerson, Just a Person Too, etc.), and I don't think that is funny. A's are not funny business, hurting your spouse is the wrong thing to do - whether it is a PA or an EA, or intentional or not. It is one of the most crappiest things to do to anyone - especially someone you have promised to cherish (I know I was crappy because I did it too), I also spent alot of money getting out of a marriage - restraining orders, breaking in, best friend with H, etc. I can't understand how it makes the OP Christian when they make trouble for the MM or MW. It is a scary state of affair.<P>And the scary thing to do is to tell people about the A - because it probably comes back to haunt you. But it is hard to keep it inside - so I wish I'd know about all of you in June 2000 - but at that point I was ready to SMASH one personal computer because of my H. <P>I ABSOLUTELY HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE INSTANT MESSENGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a million more times - I hate instant messenger, I hate the tap, tap, tap of the computer keys late, late at night (ie. H on instant messenger talking to her). Thank God, for God, getting me out of bed that fateful night and putting me there to see the computer screen, and if I ever see that BITC* again, I will pound her face into the concrete (sorry about the emotion - but I loathe that OW). How could she send my H those cards, call him, e-mail him, instant messenger him, etc. etc. etc.<P>Here is hugs for all of you. I really do respect your posts. I try to give support when people are hurting. Sometimes I spend 3 hours on here, so I could consume my entire life here, but logically that cannot be done, and other items are neglected in my life enough. But I need you.<P>Thanks for listening - I really need you.<P>aftershock

((((((((((((((MB Friends)))))))))))))))<P>definately real!<P>Paint x

The friends I made here saved my life and my sanity.<P>The friends I made here will be in my heart forever.<P>I love you, Sheryl....and all.<P>Love,<P>Lori

I'm thinking that just maybe or more likely obviously, I don't share a common bond with most of you. You all can bond over being in the same boat, I can't really do that. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, just an observation I had while reading all of this.<BR> I originaly came her because I read an aritcle that Dr. Harley wrote that I didn't agree with, very strongly disagreed actually. I stayed because there's so much here to learn that may come in handy someday. I have a happy marriage now but who knows what might happen next yr so I stay mostly for the learning experience but can't always relate to the frame of mind of others. I can empathize and sypathize but I'm not there emotionally and that can keep one more on the outside when you're in a room full of people who are in the place. Does that make sense?<BR>The friends i have in my life are actually friends that I've known for years and years, two girlfriends from high school (which was an eternity ago) and although we don't get to visit we talk, email, chat to keep it alive and yes, I tell them everything even the stupid embarassing things I do that I know are wrong. Things that would take along time to explain for others to understand unless they really knew me. I don't call someone a friend casually but the friendships i make will last me a lifetime and that is why I couldn't really call anyone here my true friend and I don't mean that in an insulting way. If anyone ever needed help and I could provide it I would, out of friendship though probalby not, out of a kind of love for the human being probably. I would never turn my back on anyone in need whether I knew them or not but that deosn't make them my friend or me there's. Now I think I"m beginning to lose myself with what I'm trying to say.<BR>OK, I care about everyone as a person, I can open my heart, my home, whatever to someone in need but I'm just not quick to call anyone a friend.

Shedawg,<P>Friendships are important to you. They are me also. I do not call just any person a friend. While the faces here are not visible, the exchange here has been incredible. Like talking on the phone (business, pleasure etc.) you develope a relationship of sorts. Depending on the characters involved some of those relationships turn into friendships. <P>True friends respect each other. Those that I call my friends must have that as a requirement. Those that don't run the risk of losing my friendship (not that I am great but that is my right). Maybe it is because you have not had the opportunity to help and be helped here. If you have not been in these circumstances and personally received the support that is here, then yes it would be difficult to understand. <P>You know, a bit of my Bible training instilled in me by my parents from my childhood, helped me understand events like the support group here. While I have never personally met any of the Bible characters, I know they are real. I have never seen God, but I know he is real. I have personally developed a personal relationship with both God and his son. Now I don't want to discuss or agrue who bleieves what, just to make a point that sometimes we can (for the right reasons) develope a relationship with those we can not physically see. Communication is the key. It can be used for bad or good. I don't down all communication because of some bad acts. I just don't condone those that promote bad acts and choose to associate with those who have values that I respect. For that reason I can have 'friends' here at MB. <P>My 2 cents.<BR>L.<BR> <BR>

You're probably right as far as not helping and not being helped. Although I think in away I have been helped here to a point. Not sure it would really be understood or even realy all that important but I'm getting side tracked now.<BR>I was married once to a slim, he had an affair and I knew about it. I think our marriage at that point was already emotionally over and it didn't bother me that they were seeing each other. She was my next door neighbor. When they wanted to take off together I would even occassionally babysit her children so that would free her up to be with my H. Most people don't understand that. I made it easier for them to be together and I can see a few W's getting bothered by that thought. I was more for letting him find what he wanted and didn't want and if he wanted her and not me then I would accept that. I didn't have the desire to fight for a man that showed no respect for me as his wife. That is where I completely differ from alot of people here and I think some would find my way of thinking a little hurtful or unacceptable. So, No, I'm can't offer any help to anyone in that respect. So, looking at that last sentence, I geuss I really don't belong posting here. Maybe I should just read and keep quiet. And I don't say that as a jab at anyone, nor do I feel like anyone has ever really asked me to leave, but I honestly "feel" that is best for me, silence can be golden!!

Hi Shedawg,<P>Oh, oh, I don't want you to feel that way. That is not what I meant by my last sentence. That is how I feel. <P>You brought up a very good point about respect. You see your prior situation about letting your H go and do whatever with whoever was your choice. Now there are those that feel they must be do more than that before letting go. <P>This is a site to promote the recovery of marriage. You respect that than you have every right to be here. I nor anyone else has the right to keep you away. Please don't go. <P>Your opinions are just as valuable. Personally if I visited here before I went through this A thing, I would have found it a bit much. I know that. Now this place has become the support that I needed to make it through the A. Could I have made it without MB? Probably, but it definitely would have been more difficult. So at best Shedawg, you can share your thoughts and opinions, it can give us a view we might not have considered and in turn maybe we can all share and help each other. Sounds like a win win situation? Hope so. <P>L.<BR>

Hi, I hope someone sees this and remembers me, I'm one of the survivors that have made it and recovered and agree totally with this post. We do need to recoginize we are all friends and we all are people who have very real problems and find consolation here, just as Tired lady would have wanted us to recognize each other as very different individuals here. There are so many people here at this board that I wouldn't have recognized or known, but I met them here and survived this dastardly condition, I got by with a little help from my friends, just as others will do after me and others did before me. Thank you, one and all..............God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

Quickie post, since I'm not at home (I'm away in the land of otherpeople's house)...<P>ALL ARE WELCOME to post here at MB, even those who don't bond with everyone ~~ it's okay!!<P>But for those like me, who've made REAL LIFE FREINDS here... my GOD, it can be beautiful, baby!! <P>Thank you to everyone who's added to this thread, and that means EVERTONE!!<P>Hugs (can you feel them?), <P>Sheryl

Sheryl and all, <P>Definately and totally REAL people and real relationships. Even for us mostly lurkers/ocassional posters. Tears streamed down my face as I read of her death. So sad. So tragic. I think I only posted to her once. <P>I want everyone to know I care....I care for all of you. You mean so much to me and I am so glad you share your hopes, dreams, pain, sorrows, etc. with all of us.<P>I remember Glenn's death and the flying pigs(I wonder how Carol is doing?) and so much more. <P>Thanks for bringing this up, Sheryl. {{{{MB Friends}}}}

Dear Sheryl,<BR>Just to let you know, even though I don't post much or don't have much to offer for others, this site and you guys saved my marriage after my H's A, my 5 & 3 years old still have their mother and father in the same house, actually very happily together. I perfectly understand that lots of people on this board call each other friends and become very close, either online or in person. I found and learn so much truth from this site (and my experience), going thru so much pain with so many others. I'm also sure that there are many quiet, invisible visitors like me... and I know they are real people just like me.<P>... thank you <p>[This message has been edited by itrust (edited July 08, 2001).]

I guess you'll just have to tell all of those naysayers that this is just the modern form of pen pals (with the added joy of almost instant responses).<P>I've attended to a few boards over the last couple of years...and my friends on the internet, at times, were my lifelines to sanity. I have had the pleasure of meeting 4 of my board friends face to face (and yes, they were real, and also really nice). Another one is also a phone friend, and during the roughest times we've helped each other on the telephone.<P>I suspect that those people who "doubt" the reality of boards are using a model that is quite different that these types of boards. For example, all of those "singles" boards where people meet people might well be fraught with liars (I look like Rachel Welch, or Brad Pitt....and I weigh 110). You see, in that situation, they benefit from faking a few details. In this type of support forum, there is no benefit from lying, so why would anybody even bother. It is very possible that an odd one slips in with strange intentions, but just as in life, you have to deal with strangeness.<P>So, don't doubt the love you feel for friends here. It is real.<P>Oh, by the way, how can I change my password? It's too hard to remember the cryptic one assigned to me.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by JanetS:<BR><B>Oh, by the way, how can I change my password? It's too hard to remember the cryptic one assigned to me.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I believe you click on profile, up at the top of the page, enter your icky password, and then you'll be allowed to choose another...<P>

Many people on this site have helped me through the most difficult time in my life.<P>I will always be forever grateful...<P>-HD<P>

All:<P>To cite Ethan Allan: We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately.<P>The Founding Fathers had different backgrounds, did not always agree with one another, but found a way to have their differences and to still proceed in a positive manner. And we see what they accomplished.<P>This site is similar. The members here are coming from divergent backgrounds, with divergent ideas, yet we find commonality in purpose, if not always in discourse. And see what we can accomplish!<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

This site was my lifeline, during the most painful time of my life. The things I have learned, about A's, about myself, about life from everyone here truely amazes me. I do not know where/who I would be right now had I not found MB. I am eternally grateful to all of you.