Yeah, that's right, men do cry! Well this one does atleast. I'm having a real bad day today. Can't recall what touched it off, a song maybe??? But it all came flooding back and I teeter from extreme pain and hurt to anger. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm going to see if I can talk to someone as soon as I get off work today. But right now I'm sitting here in my office and I've got tears streaming down my cheeks. Lord, please if you're going to allow anyone to walk in on me right now, may it be an understanding female....a fellow male co-worker just won't understand. You all know I've been dealt a real bad hand in this game, I want to cash out and go home! My wife went and talked to her pastor and it seems he gave her some work to do. She said she really needs to work on her long before she can work on us. What the hell does that mean? She said when he asked her to describe herself, she couldn't, she didn't know who she was...??? I just feel like it could be just another way for her to dodge confronting our situation. I don't know what to say to her anymore. I have pretty much no more feelings for her anymore. Her actions told me long ago how she cared (yeah right) for me. I'm so ready to ask for divorce it isn't funny. I just want the pain to stop! Every day it's getting worse, she's really starting to show now too. Everytime I see her getting dressed or coming to bed...I see HIM and what they did in MY bed! I get so PO'ed I could spit nails, but I have to keep in bottled up. I don't even know how to describe how hurt I am, she has no clue. I'm even pretty sure she has been sneaking around and making contact with OM while she's at work (over the phone). But I don't trust a word of her's so even if I asked, it wouldn't matter. I just don't know what to do anymore...help!!!!<BR>I've been going to the gym and working out my frustations now for over a year, I'm looking real good now too and I'm getting comments from women much younger than I and damn attractive ones too. Tell me that's not a temptation for a guy in my situation. But I've done my best avoiding it from going anywhere....all it does is make them think I'm playing hard to get and they flirt even more. I just can't handle any kind of relationship while I'm still hurting from this one. It's going to be a long time afterwards too. I feel like I need to talk to my wife on how I feel but I can pretty much guess what her reaction is gonna be....she's not going to want to hear it. She still hasn't shown much remorse or even withdrawl yet...that's kinda why I feel she's still talking to him. They had something very, very strong and there's no way they could just quit cold turkey like they try to show.<P>Ugh! I'm completely worthless here at work today.<BR>Oh, I mentioned further plans to take my vacation to her, she got upset that I was looking to go alone. What? Just a few days earlier she told me it sounds like a great idea and I deserve it. How much of a love buster would it be if I went anyways? And here's another question, when in the world do I get to start doing something that makes me feel good or happy? I'm spent on trying to still make her happy, I get nothing in return, nothing, not even sex! Speaking of which, we've had once since the last time I told you we did. It was just this past w/e and it was so cold and impersonable. I mentioned to her that it would be real nice if she showed a little interest and she said, "it's only sex". Needless to say, I didn't finish, I stopped right there and told her I'm not doing it again until her attitude changes. She turned over and went to sleep. B**ch! You see, now I'm ready to throw her a$$ out the door when I get home.<P>Oh I can't deal with this anymore.<BR>If I say with her, I have to raise a child that isn't mine and possibly end up in divorce court soon thereafter.<BR>If I leave, she will end up with OM and he will then have what he's been trying to get all along. It afterall was his plan and why he didn't "pull out" when asked. He figured I'd never put up with her having his child, his wife would toss him once she knew for sure and they would be together for good. So, should I cut my losses and let this [censored] win?<BR>Or should I just keep wishin and hoping my wife comes to her senses and starts making me happy and the focus of her emotions and tighten the vise on this OM by knowing I'm raising his child?

I'm sorry you are having such a bad day and yes it's ok for men to cry. Sometimes life just gets to be too much. If I were you I would go on the vacation you planned alone to maybe gain some perspective on your marriage. I think your wife needs some time to herself to. I think that if you go alone maybe she will relize just how much she misses you and if you look as good as you say you do than she has reason to be jealouse.<BR>HAVE FUN!<P>Jill

Hi Blues,<P>I'm so sorry that you're hurting so bad. I hate to see anyone in so much pain, and I wish I could take it away for you. Also, don't apologize for your crying. I married a man who has no qualms about crying, and I wouldn't marry a man who did! It shows a stronger, more well rounded person than someone who bottles everything up. It can be such a release.<P>I wish I had some good advice for you, but I don't. I will say that it surely sounds like you need to live a little bit more for yourself. You've been in this situation for a long time, and maybe it's time that you worried more about your future. Although, it does sound like you're making strides with exercising. Another good release. Plus the benefits are wonderful, as you've noticed. <P>I'm not too familiar with your situation, so I can't comment on what's best for you to do in regard to waiting it out or not. Only you can decide that anyway. I'm sure it's hell, since she isn't making it very easy. As far as her coming to her senses, it doesn't sound like that is too possible for her right now. She is obviously very confused, and if she's still in contact with him, then you really haven't made any progress in all this time. It just seems like a big waiting game. One that will drag you down if you don't decide that you are going to have to start living for you. If she wants you, it will be her decision and her decision only to work on the marriage. Just let her know what you feel, the rest is up to her. Good luck to you. I hope that your day gets better. Here's sending a great big hug your way. <BR>((((((((((((((((((((Blues)))))))))))))))))))<P>------------------<BR>The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.<BR>Helen Keller<BR>

Hi Blues<P>You have it bad bro...<P>Plan B works best after Plan A has been tried so that she will know what she is missing. I am a big supporter of looking out for your well being first. She is taking so much from you and you are now at the point where it is not worth staying. You need to get away from the situation before you start to hate her. Do not look at this issue where the OM wins her, she is not an object, she is a human being who is confused. <P>My suggestion (and I know it does not fit with MB) is to leave. Start Plan B right away and let her go. You can not keep someone who does not want to stay. In reality there are plenty more fish in the sea but this web site is for rebuilding and not dismantling marriages. She is carrying OM child? They will always have contact and you will always have pain. Life is too short to live with this kind of pain. <P>I see two scenarios if you leave.<P>1) She misses you, wakes up and begs you to return after she spends time with OM.<P>If she does miss you and comes back then thats her decision she made herself and that means she wants you.<P>2) She is relieved and has a great life with OM and raises a family. <P>Great, you do not have to live with a person who does not want you. You will not care what she does from there on and you know you will find another soulmate and at least you are better prepared.<P>Either way you win. <P>I know there are other things to do which will increase your chances of staying married but how much pain are you willing to endure while you are in the best years of your life?<P>Good Luck<BR>_____________________________________________<BR>"Better to die on your feet than live on your knees"

Blues,<P>Please take better care of yourself right now. I highly recommend you take the vacation alone, if anything, to get a little peace of mind. Blues, I sincerely felt your pain in reading your post. I will pray for you and your wife tonight.

Well, join the club, Blues. I'm sitting at my desk crying too ... and I'm hoping no one comes by to comfort me ... I've got a reputation to uphold. Strong, independent woman ... secure in her life.<P>Yeah right.<P>Your post made so sad. I'm sorry another one of us has gone off the deep end and decided to violate the vows of marriage.<P>There are no easy answers, as you well know. Maybe the best choice IS Plan B. <P>My heart does break for you, Blues. It only reminds me of what I did last year to my H. I am so sorry.<P>

Blues:<P>I hate to say it, but you're a big liar.<P>You've got plenty of feelings for your wife. Otherwise, you'd have been long gone.<P>I really suggest that you call Steve Harley (888-639-1639). If anyone can, he may be able to help you. Look at Chris's thread---Steve really does have a great touch.<P>I'm really sorry you're feeling so down. I was very thankful that I had a door on my office---I've had puddles from my tears. Hang in there.

Blue Buddy, you know I've missed you. Sorry been on vacation myself. Ok, sorry things don't seem any better for you. I think she is taking you for it all (emotionally and financially). I think you should take that vacation all alone. Take time to smell the flowers, enjoy life....and don't call home. She would find a way for you not to enjoy yourself. You know none of us know what is best for you, only you can decide that. I know when I couldn't take anymore, I filed myself....it was the best thing I had ever done. I actually felt relieved that the pain would at least slow down some. It was what I needed to do. I'm not recommending that to you, but gosh you sound like me when I was there. You sound like a great guy, and someone would be lucky to have you (your wife should see this). But don't do that revenge affair thing, if you are going to leave the marriage do it right. You will always be able to look in the mirror and tell your child that you did the right thing. I knew other men were attracted to me, but after what my H had done, I wanted to leave knowing I did it right. Look at us now, we've made it past a year and are more in love now than ever before. You just need to take care of you.......no one else will (except us in here). Sending you a huge giganic smile