Hello all<P>My W is having a EA with OM at work. I'm doing the best that I can with it. My wife is on a roller coster ride. Some day good, and some bad. Last Saturday, the family went shopping and my W just sat in the can with her hand on her chin like she did not want to be there. <P>My question to all, can my wife still work at her current job while trying to put our relationship back in place. I can't see it. <P>P.S. I don't know how everyone does it, but I have to give the people who use Step A all the time without giving off LB's a hand.<BR> I try and try but sometimes I can't help it. As much as I want to be supportive and be there for my W, she will do something insensitive and tick me off. Sometimes I hold back but other times I question, and my W has a short temper throughtout this EA that she lets loose and we then will have a arguement. After we're done I look back and see that it was not worth it. I know that I need to slow down, but the road gets harder and harder. It's only been almost two months since I found out and have been trying Step A, I see some people trying for over a year. That's amazing. I have to hand it to you.<P>Dino<P>

Dino09,<P>My H is WH who had A with his secretary for 11 mos. before D-Day. Then because they still worked together it was 11 more months of lies and on again off again A. Today H just moved out to find himself. He told our 13 yrs. son that he was leaving because mom wanted things from him he could not give and he needed to get away and find himself. Mom wanted his love and 100% commitment to our marriage. Guess I wanted too much.<BR>So to answer your question? ABSOLUTELY NO!!! They can not work together or it will never end.<p>[This message has been edited by Aries55 (edited July 10, 2001).]

I agree. I had the affair, worked with the OM. I thought I could continue, and restore my marriage. I just would not work. My husband and I just finished 2 years of therapy and are well on our way to recovery. On my last visit, the counselor asked what I felt was the turning point for our relationship. I would have to be honest and say that it was after I finally quit my job (and that was after struggling for a year thinking I could DO IT!) I was even almost angry with my counselor for not insisting I needed to do it. I also ENCOURAGED her to tell anyone she faced in the future in my situation THAT IT WOULD NOT WORK!<P>I did not feel completely free to work on my marriage until I had the OM OUT OF MY SYSTEM. Seeing him every day, that was not possible. Also, my husband and I started doing more things together, and having fun. Before that, I think that unconsciously I would not have allowed myself to do that. There was always this little fear that he would know and I would hurt him or look like I had not been truthful previously.<P>Anyway, the answer is completely and firmly NO!<P>PS...My counselor said, and I think it is true about the arguments that we have...I think we as the betraying spouse sometimes stage these arguments. Afterwards we feel justified in our actions for having an affair.<p>[This message has been edited by Susan (edited July 09, 2001).]

I've told this story before... but it always bears repeating on these types of threads...<P>I worked with the OM. I ended the affair. I worked with him for 18 months after the affair was over. I filed for divorce (my then-H and I could not get things right). I met someone else. I quit my job and moved to be with my new H.<P>Here's what the OM said to me on the day I left: "I love you, I always loved you, I will always love you."<P>Nice, eh? <P>My then-H said he wanted me to continue working because we needed the money. In this case, I should have NOT done what he said, and I should have quit. It's like pouring salt into a wound every day that you go to work. Or in your case, it's salt in your wound when your W goes to work.<P>The affair cannot end properly (see how I had tried, and how the OM never stopped "loving" me)... and I'll let you in on a little secret: I liked hearing him say those words. How screwed up is that?<P>Now, nearly a year later, I look back at that whole time I was there, and realize what a STUPID, STUPID mistake it was to try and stay there to work... <P>I hope you can convince your wife to quit.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Thanks all. This is what I thought. I just can't see working with someone and having feelings for this person, and at the same time trying to put back together a relationship. I just can't see it. I told my W this awhile back and she said it had nothing to do with OM, it was all about me. Ya right. Again, thanks for the honesty. I needed to hear this from other people.

I know that my W can't work at her company anymore because of OM. Should I talk to W about if she wants to save marriage that she needs to find another job? I still hear the lies on why she is late or on the phone. W denies all.<P>Dino