<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Ishmael:<BR><B>ICTON,I wuish I could help you more,Ish</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Please read the whole thread and then edit your post.<BR>

When I was a toddler, my father was arrested and sentenced to 10 years in the penitentiary. When I was 4, my mother lied to me and told me that he was in the army (to "protect" me). From the time I was 4 until the time I was 9, I had no contact with my father. My mother remarried in the meantime.<P>At age 9 when I was finally able to correspond, I wrote to my father and asked him how he liked the army? The first sentence of his reply letter was, "I'm not in the army, I'm in jail." These words hit me like a ton of bricks. Not because he was in jail, which I knew was for people who had done bad things, but because I had been lied to! Even at that age, I was outraged that my mom lied to me AS IF *I* couldn't handle the truth because I was a kid.<P>My respect level for my mom dropped and my respect level for my dad increased in spite of his ugly circumstances. I don't believe that your baby needs to know all the gory details (ever), but there is a way that you can tell him the truth when things calm down and a little more of the story when he is old enough to handle it.<P>IMHO, I don't think your son is old enough to handle the concept of death just yet, tho. My father eventually committed suicide when he was 31. I was 15, but still, I felt like it was my fault because I had not called him several months prior to his death. The fact is my dad was very sick (emotionally) and nothing I could ever have said or done would have changed his mind... <P>Just my impression but, for now, when he asks for his daddy what if you just tell him daddy went to heaven and he won't be coming back, period. As the years go by perhaps a little bit more could be added to the story to encourage your son that it was not his fault that his father left you guys.<P>(I sincerely hope this somewhat helps you sort thru this disaster. You know your son and what he can handle and how he thinks. You know best. God will help you. LOVE & PRAYERS FROM CALIFORNIA)

to all, thank you for the support of my friend Marie. She is with family at the moment. I did get to talk to her family last night late, and so far she is dealing with her loss very well. She is shocked. I am printing and sending all the positive responses to her.<BR> I will answer what i feel i can without stepping on her privacy. Yes both died. They had NO idea how upset her H really was or steps would have been made to get him help. Thier son is under the age of 10. And you all need to know that this is one of the strongest women of FAITH i have ever met. Her walk with God is amazing to watch and experience. <BR> Ish- unfortuantly her H already thought about suicide as you posted in your reply, and she no longer has to worry about legal actions to put the OW in jail, her H made that choice too.<BR> I will refrain from posting in this thread because I am a little to close to the issue here. But i need to say something that has been on my mind. My biggest fear when i heard the words " i had an affair", have become my friends reality. HIV or something else that you cannot heal with a tylonal. I urge you to get tested if you have not. My H put my life at risk for 5 weeks of pleasure that he is now rremorsful for, even more so now that he knows what happened to our friends. My H again is beating himself up because HE knows it could have easily been us dealing with it, and ONLY by the GRACE of GOD, itis not.<BR>Maine

{{{{{{Maine}}}}}}<P>Thanks for the update and for being a good friend to Marie! That is what she needs more than anything now! Tell your H, his feelings are understood, but not to beat himself up too much. Find my letter in Orchids post, to WS. It may help him focus on the positives of where he is now. You take care and thanks again for the update!!<P>Trueheart

Maine,<P>Thanks for keeping us informed.<P>I am sure that your friend will not be coming back here to MB as it may be far too painful for her to come to a marriage building site. But please do let her know that we are all thinking of her and will not forget her.<P>Z

I tried to email you last evg. (to a hotmail address posted on an earlier post from you). It came back. However, you post here answered my questions.<P>I feel awful for what Marie is going through. I do hope that her situation will cause others to think, first about having an affair, and secondly about unprotected sex. That may be the good that comes from this tragedy.<P>She and her son are in my prayers.<P>

bintheredunthat, I would normally agree with your advice except for the fact that this lady has more to explain to her son than just that daddy is dead. She also is going to need to tell him that mommy is dying too. <P>Now, given that there are developments, it's possible she may live for many years, but she's going to be sick, she's going to be on meds, maybe in and out of the hospital, losing weight, etc. <P>How to tell him so that he will be able to be prepared to lose his mommy too sooner than he should have to, I wouldn't even begin to advise. I think she needs trained professional help here. What an awful tragedy for this young boy, and for her. My heart goes out to them.<P>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by ScaredInNY:<BR><B>bintheredunthat, I would normally agree with your advice except for the fact that this lady has more to explain to her son than just that daddy is dead. She also is going to need to tell him that mommy is dying too.</B><P>NO. This is simply not true. Read up on the advances in AIDs treatment. HIV is not a death sentence, people are going on with a high quality of life, and the medical science is accelerating every day.<P>DO NOT tell that poor kid mommy is dying.<BR> <BR>

I'm so sorry for your loss! <P>I am also numb at the possibility that my H could have endangered our lives in this same way! <P>May God bless you and your family! My prayers are with you!<P> <P><P>------------------<BR><B><I>RECOVER * REFOCUS * REGENERATE ~ BREATHE * RELAX</I></B><P>By Eleanor Roosevelt ~~<BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR><LI>"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." <P><LI>"No one takes advantage of you without your permission."<BR></UL>

I am confussed. I have a friend who lives in Bangor Main and she has searched the newpapers for this story (I am sure that it would have come out in the newspapers somewhere!) and there is nothing???? makes you wanna go Hmmmmmmm

Being a person whom knows the people involved, I do not need to say HMMMMMMMMMM. <BR> Again, where she is now and where she is living are two different places. So offer support if you want to, and if you have none to offer , please, refrain from posting HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM comments.<BR>Maine<P>------------------<BR>IN the words of BOB the BUILDER!!" WE can fix it, yes we can!!!"

I think I have the right to post if I feel like it and I dont feel that I was out of line here... it is just strange that a story of this magnitude hasnt made the newspapers yet??? I thought I was showing concern that it is something that is newsworthy and could be a lesson for many,,, so yeah it makes me go hmmmm... I think I will call my friend up in Main and ask her to talk to the newspaper folks and get the scoop so that it can be an example to many. just trying to do a public service here...<p>[This message has been edited by Concerned1 (edited July 19, 2001).]

You are entittled to your opinion, because it is yours Have a blessed day.The lesson is in the thread, not the end result. PROTECT yourself from STD's if you are going to engage in extra marital sex, and get tested if you have not. The rest of the story is not a life lesson, but a time of healing for a family devastated.<BR>

We understand that you're angry about your husband's total lack of concern for your wellbeing, mainemade. I'm sure all of use have been there before. But, by creating a story that plays on the sympathy of people who are already devastated in the first place is cold.<P>You're right, it isn't about the story, it's about the message. But, what you did to get the message across crosses the line IMHO!!!<P>Posted on another message board:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Those poor souls over at MB are being royally duped with that murder/suicide HIV plot!<P>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<BR> <BR> Posted by Concerned citizen on July 19, 2001 at 03:03:01 <P> <BR> <BR> If any of you have seen it, then you know that many here had a discussion about the validity of it. There were many reasons why it seemed phony. So, many people tried to check all the news sources on the Internet with no luck.<P>As a BW, and a natural born cynic, I revisited the post and read a subsequent thread in relation to it. There's someone there with the name "mainemade" who claims to know this person and is a very close friend. <P>So, I decided to reread the post and pay special attention to the wording, grammar, sentence structure, etc. of the poster and her supposed friend. Well, well, well. Wouldn't you know it, but I'd bet everything that I had that they are INDEED one in the same. Wow! And everyone bought into it. This mainemade is extremely angry over the fact that her husband risked her life for an affair and I think she wanted to get her point across how dangerous they can be. She certainly did that....but by duping the kindness of strangers? Now that's a low blow!<P>BTW, the post is on page 2 at the moment. And it's by I_cannot_think_of_a_name. Anyhow, if you will compare her letters on that five page thread with the posts made by manemade in the last couple of days (on other threads) you will notice two very distinguishable things. <P>First...both have started out some of their posts with the first letter not capitalized. Then finish the entire posts with the first letter of every sentence capitalized. It looks more obvious than it sounds.<P>The second very distinguishable thing is the fact that out of five pages of responses. The only 2 people who use the lower case "i" instead of "I" throughout their posts are mainemade and this supposed victim of HIV. Actually a very strange thing considering they bothered to capitalize the rest of their posts...aside from the aforementioned ones.<P>And don't forget the fact that mainemade was posting on other threads the day of the death and seemed very jovial. Funny for someone who claims to be such good friends with someone whose world has just turned upside down. Funny also how she didn't respond to the initial cry for help until two days later.<P>Of course I do have better things to do with my time. But it seriously took only about 10 minutes to figure that out. I smelled a rat and decided to investigate. <P>Some people are truly sick! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <BR> <BR> <BR>

Personally, <P>I think this post has served it purpose and should be retired. We know the story, we have given condolences, and now should let it go. People have a right to what they want to think, but to argue validity/non validity of this is wasting time and energy. It is time to move on. Maine is a known and trusted poster here, so we are all adults and can draw our own conclusions. To keep this post alive arguing over its truth serves no good purpose. <P>Trueheart

I also agree with what is being said by duped, in that if there are posters here that go to such lengths as to lie and/or cover things up, it is sad that they feel the need to go to such lengths. We have enough going on in our lives, that taking time to read something fabricated, no matter the intent, takes energy and time and thought to be used on other, real situation. I think that I will end here and retire myself from this thread. Take care.<P>Trueheart

I too searched the papers, not to test validity, but to be able to show the naysayers something to quiet them, and to make them think about the message rather than their belief whether it was a real post or not.<P>I would have liked to have had proof. Nevertheless, it does not matter. There is a lesson here, whether you believe the poster or not.

JanetS, I agree the message is a very strong one that hits close to home by the sheer nature of affairs. We should all be thankful that we are not having to face telling our child/ren that we have HIV, especially due to their father's careless behavior.<P>Point is well taken and we should move past this and get back to the business of healing.<P>I just hate to see the great folks here be played for fools. Chalk it up as a learning experience and forget it. No major harm done and maybe all the people who are still betraying will have second thoughts! You're playing with fire when you have an affair, that's certainly not something that's debatable!

well......<P>in the name of verifiable facts, what is the name of the other message board where you found that post, N_Duped?<P>as for the rest of this 'situation'...well, I noticed the same things you did, researched as well, because we here do tend to care.......<P>I was lied to enough by my own WS....I don't give a [censored] if the message is worth it, I won't accept being lied to here, or being 'played'.....<P>a lie is a lie.....<P>haven't we all been lied to enough in our own lives?<P>

I consider what this person has done as a major love bust to this website. (That is if the allegations are true that it was all a lie) I also feel that if you want to resort to this type of stuff at home then do it, but on this site there are BS and WS who are trying to heal and put things behind them and adding on additional quilt just to make a point makes no sense. The way I look at it, is that at some point some people read this post and might have forwarded to other people or even their spouses. This continues the pain for some couples as I can imagine it might have given some nightmares or worsened the trauma for some. For myself it made me go Hmmmmmm and it still does. <BR>This might be one of those that the Harleys need to investigate and delete this thread and I am sure the IP address for the originator of the post can be investigated and properly blocked. Just my humble opinion.