We have so many close friends and have "grown" together with their extended families. The last several weekends have been overwhelmingly busy and we have not said no to any of these occasions. On two different occasions on both Saturday and Sunday, H appeared so normal, treated me as he did BEFORE the dreaded A, while only the day before spoke of leaving...do these situations help to thin the FOG? Sometimes, it appeared so because our friends kept referring to all these beautiful memories we created together, etc. etc., Today, he appears once again listless and depressed.

This situation sounds very familiar... I can't talk for about all men but this sure sound like my H. Seems to me that one of the biggest male emotional needs is for everyone around them (specially their frinds) to think that they have everything under control. When my H and I started having big time problems in our marriage, I suggested to him, "Marriage counseling" and guess what his reply was.... "We do not have to let the whole world know that we are having problems". Amazing uh? on the same token, we would attend church on Sundays and he expected us to act like we were the "Perfect Couple". He has always been BIG on image and on what people would think or say...<BR>I think this applies to your H as well????<BR>Hope this helps... Lady Dante

Terrified,<P> It is amazing how WS can appear normal in public. I used to feel the same way, but one event made me count my blessings. About a week after D-Day, wife and I went to a sports bar with friends to watch our local NFL team in the playoffs. Before the night was over wife was kissing a man at the opposite end of the bar that she had coaxed into removing his shirt (team jersey). It was quite obvious that the guy knew she was married after holder her hand and looking at her ring. I was under Steve H's counsel at the time and did nothing. Our friends just sat and looked at me with disgust that I was doing my best to ignore the situation. A couple of the guys in our crowd had prodded me to do something and I told them she was a big girl and knew what she was doing. Finally they (guys at our table) stood up and told me "If I wasn't going to do something they were". At that point I walked over and offered to remove the shirtless mans head and defecate in his esophagus (P.C. version). Needless to say it was not a good scene. I should have just left without her. <P> So as difficult and awkward as you might feel in public, count your blessings it could be much worse.<BR>

Wow. I agree with Hi. Count your blessings. <P>I can see the viewpoint of appreciating his calm cool attitude. After all, if things work out between you, there's no need to "let the whole world know". As things stretch out longer and longer, more people will find out. Then you will have to start explaining because people will say "Ya'll seemed so happy - just the other day!" That's awkward, but then you just say, "well, we didn't want to worry anyone, and we are trying to work things out."<P>just a thought....<P>But I guess to answer your question, I think it's the Fog again. WS's can stand in your face and tell you they never loved you, when they actually DID and still DO. So... They can stand there in front of God and everyone and pretend like everything is OK and they truly feel like what they're doing is OK. fog fog fog.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hi Infidelity:<BR><B>Terrified,<BR>About a week after D-Day, wife and I went to a sports bar with friends to watch our local NFL team in the playoffs. Before the night was over wife was kissing a man at the opposite end of the bar that she had coaxed into removing his shirt (team jersey). It was quite obvious that the guy knew she was married after holder her hand and looking at her ring. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>WOW......talk about ballsy. And I don't mean you or the OM You handled yourself with grace and tact....LOL! How are things with you and the little woman now? <P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B><p>[This message has been edited by GeezLouise (edited July 17, 2001).]

GL,<P>That sports bar incident was in 1/00. She continued her PA with her boss for another 6 months. It only came to an end after she basically laughed at my plan B letter and started a 3 month campaign of "you need to find some one else" & "I'm not coming back" So I decided that if Plan A and Plan B didn’t work I'd try it her way and started dating. Only did that for about 6 weeks, didn’t feel right no matter what the justifications. It did shock her enough to call off her affair. After all I did the plan A thing for a year and she seemed quite happy to continue to wipe her feet on the doormat. She refused to quit or do any kind of no-contact type of thing. <P>I have come to the conclusions that some people don't respond to MB tactics and it normally seems to coincide with some more serious emotional problems. In her case untreated depression with maybe a side dose of MLC.<P> Things are still pretty rocky. I just wake up every day and try to find something good in her. Some days are harder than others. She really hasn’t come to terms with what she has done. Regret or remorse is almost non-existent. <P>As unfortunate as these go, it has all been a huge leaning experience and I have become a much better person from it. So I'm either on the verge of having the best marriage possible (someday) or a guilt free divorce. It's all in your attitude and view.<BR>

I like your attitude. <P>That's what I figure, we'll either have the greatest marriage when we get thru this or at least we can divorce and I can be proud of myself that I really did try. <P>