Thanks for your support last night, all. I really needed it.<P>I'm here now in the Big City and it's great, as always, but I just can't stop thinking about You Know What.<P>I don't know why being here has set me back. I think it's just sheer loneliness.<P>She called me twice this morning on my way out of town to ask about money matters and other minutiae. We never got to "talk" last night about the separation or anything, and I think that's good. I considered some sort of dramatic goodbye gesture, but that would have been silly.<P>Not so silly now that it's 11:00 at night and she hasn't called me or anything, is it! (jk) I haven't called her just because... I haven't. It seemed a tad desperate and/or potentially bothersome for me to do so. Better to let me be just too busy in NYC to call... What a game.<P>Good news: drafted a good bit of a Plan A letter that I'm going to finish tonight and let you guys check out. Planning to send it out Priority tomorrow.<P>I just know that she's with OM tonight... There's no way she's not... <grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr> Am I not supposed to tell her to stop that?<P>I do think I'll call her to check in some time at work tomorrow. And I'll post that letter when I can. I really need to believe in some of that stuff I've said over the last weeks...<P>Hope you all are well,<BR>zen<p>[This message has been edited by zen (edited July 16, 2001).]

Hey bro, I'm there with you. Hang in there. <p>[This message has been edited by Husband2you (edited July 16, 2001).]

Glad you checked in with us! <P>I just went out of town for the weekend and missed my H TERRIBLY! Yes, lonliness, and for me, jealousy that he is with someone and I'm alone. <P>Try to enjoy yourself. Give her some space. She may actually miss you, but she CAN'T miss you if you are calling her. <P>I agree with you about it being a game. I totally feel like I have to play the right cards all the time. We BS's in Plan A have to be so cautious in playing the right cards - and WS's are just out there doing whatever they want - for now. <P>Hang in there. You can do Plan A while you are apart. Just think of it as giving her space - and think of her having to learn things the hard way - sort of like how kids have to learn things on their own too. She will miss you and realize what a mistake she is making to live without you!<P>------------------<BR>Faith1<P>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"<BR>Matt 15:28

Zen,<P>So how's the Big Apple? <P>Probably best if you just say how it affects you instead of telling or suggesting what she should do.<P>Z

zen - Did you ever read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"? Great book. I bet you can find it up there, read it in your room at night instead of going out to strip joints.<P>Can you tell I'm trying to distract you?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I just know that she's with OM tonight... There's no way she's not... <grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr> Am I not supposed to tell her to stop that?[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No, you shouldn't do this. Remember, there's little, if any thing, the BS can do to separate the affairees. It'll just seem controlling to her and it won't work, any way.<P>WAT

Zen,<BR>Just going to be honest with you. When they are in the fog, they are going to do” the thing” no matter what. It will not help if you had called. I was in NYC for a week 3 month ago to give my WH the space he needed in order for him to think( his word). I call him at 11:30 P.M. one night and he promises and promises me over the phone that he is not going to stay at her place when I am gone. An hours later, he is gonnnnnnnnne. <P>I am not try to upset you. Just want you to know that I know it is going to be hard for you have those thoughts. But please keep in mind that what ever she do now you have no control of it, your W has no control of it either. She is additive, she can not see and think. Don’t let her action upset you. You are the only sober one now. You have to guild her home by do the plan-A stuff.<BR>According the details in your post, I think you have a great chance that she might come home to you. My WH did( at least for now, but he is trying).<P>The things will get better. A plan-A letter is a very good idea, I sent one to my WH before I went to NY. It did not show the affect then, but I think it shows at a later day.<P>Call her just like you normally will when you are on a trip. Try not to ask her where she was about last night that is not helping. You could try to let her know if she did that her action cause you a lot of pain and leave it there. Let her know you have good time in NY, which you should try your best for yourself anyway. Go to a book store there, they have a lot of books will help you to face the situation. It might make you feel better when you are reading something to help your marriage instead of let her action control you.<P>Watch out for the traffic!!<P>TTL2

Guys! Thanks the responses!!!<P>Today has been GREAT. Good food, decent seminar at Macworld (tomorrow's Steve Jobs' big keynote), and I just got the LAST TICKET (SRO) for The Producers... Waited in line for 4 hours with some really cool people who are now my "friends in New York."<P>Also... Did not call her last night, then this morning, she called me! I was too busy to talk... trying to catch a shuttle. I called her back and she was on a conference call. Left the message I'd try again, and just did try to call her cell... no answer so I left a message that I was going to see the Producers and would catch up with her later.<P>OK, the perspective is starting to really kick in... This world is SO big... It's amazing how we can become so enmeshed in another person's life and forget that. I'm not saying I don't want things to work out... I still do as much as ever... but if they don't... Well let's just say that I bought a rental/buyers guide today... Life is too short!<P>h2y: Hanging... you keep the faith as well...<P>Faith: Thanks for your words of wisdom and kindness... You know, I really enjoy playing games... And winning <P>zor: NYC is indescribable. I could truly live here... I will be sad next Sunday to leave, but you know what? On those weekends when my step-daughter is going to be with her dad... E-SAVER!<P>WAT: Didn't finish it, but I think one of the girls at the place on 8th had heard of it... I'd better quit here while I'm ahead. And you're right about the control, etc... Just keep remindin' me...<P>t2l: You are so right... I'm not going to let these circumstances blemish one minute of my time here... There's not enough time as it is... About our separation... I'm the one who's moving out, but I still think there will be lots of chances to Plan A.<P>I'm still working on the letter but will post it when I am done with it.<P>OK, gotta go see Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick!<P>zen<P>

You Go ZEN......NYC is a great place to forget.....for awhile, anyway! Enjoy your stay and don't take any wooden nickles......where the hell did that come from.....geeeez!<P>Hey.....did you ever spit out of your hotel room window and count the seconds it takes for it to hit the ground? The Grand Hyatt is a great place to do this. Oh.....watch out for the dudes/dudettes who sleep on the walk....<P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>

Adda boy, zen!<P>You see, it's all about perspective, and you're getting yours.<P>This is exactly what you needed, and I'm glad to hear you're enjoying it to the hilt. And you know what, your WS sees it. I liked the part where you didn't have time to talk to her, makes you look like you're living life and enjoying it, which you are. She's going to be thinking about that.<P>It's amazing how doing things for yourself again not only makes you feel better, but it has a funny effect on the WS as well. This is what it's all about.<P>I heard a saying once, it goes something like this: <P>"Work like you don't need money,<BR>Love like you've never been hurt,<BR>And dance like no one's watching"<P>Keep it up, zen

Sorry, I had to add this in there too, from a website I found, a quote by Alfred D Souza:<P>"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin.<P>But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."<P>This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.<P>--------------------------------------<P>All the best,<BR>

zen...<P>Way to go!! Amazing what life hands us when we dont force it! Let life teach you what it will, show you a good time, and open doze eyes!!<P>Have a great time while you are there...we will all be here when ya need us!! (Or maybe we should all go to da Big Apple and play with zen!!)<P>Trueheart

I'm for TH! Let's all go to NY! Here we come zen - got room for us all?