I just found out about 3 weeks ago that my husband was unfaithful. Our marriage has not been good for about 1 1/2 years, both were thinking divorce but did not talk about it. Two days before he told me about the affair I had given everything over to the Lord because I wanted to work things out with my husband. I knew that Satan would attack and that he did. My husband told me that he had been unfaithful, but that he had already called it quits with the other woman<P>If I had not given everything over to the Lord I am sure my reaction would have been much different, but I told him that I forgave him and knew that I was somewhat to blame for this also.<P>Since then I have purchased the book "How to Survive an Affair" by Dr. Harley. I have read through it already because I am wanting to recover. I only work part-time so I have more of an opportunity to read. My husband has been working quite a bit of overtime and has only read about 15 pages. I told him that I really wanted to start the recovery, but that he needed to start reading the book. He says he will and really wants to work things out because he loves me and is really sorry for the affair. <P>We had been high school sweet hearts and both of us had never been with anyone else until now. I am having a hard time with this. One thing that I really loved about my husband was the way he protected me and now he has hurt me more than anyone else has ever hurt me. I don't feel his love and I know he is really trying, but I don't know if I believe him.<P>But what do I do until he decides to read. I am always second guessing what he is really doing. And when we make love I think "did he do this with her - how was it with her". I don't ask because I do not want to visualize any more than I already do.<P>How can I start recover myself?<BR><P>------------------<BR>Strivingforhappiness

Hey, I'm kind of in the same boat... we even have a similar name, which speaks to what we're trying to do.... My D-Day was mid-March, I've posted a couple of times here. We were college sweethearts too.... I know he sees the OW as someone more attractive than I.....and I tend also to imagine what they did for these two years at area hotels.... <P>It can really eat you up, so try to focus on you and him.... What happened is really a symptom of what went wrong between the two of you.... don't give her the satisfaction of obsessing about what she's doing, etc.... trust me, I've done this, and it really doesn't help. What helps is working on forgiveness. I haven't been able to get my husband to read the other Dr. Harley book - His Needs, Her Needs - which I thought was excellent. The last time I exploded about the issue, I told him he had to read it, and it really made sense....that was three weeks ago, and he hasn't cracked the book yet - very hurtful for me. At least your husband has read some pages. Do your best to be patient.... and know that there are lots of others praying for you. He may not come around as fast as you - which apparently is pretty typical - not what you want to hear, but nevertheless often true. Hang in there!<BR>

Striving,<P>Thank you for your response, it is a real comfort to be able to talk to someone about this that will encourage our marriage. Thank you also for your prayers, I will pray for you also.<P>------------------<BR>Strivingforhappiness