Hi there-I was first attracted to your psots by your user name-is it from the Jo Dee Messina song? I love that song!<P>I have tried to go through and read all your posts-my you have been busy in the last few days here. I am so glad you found this place-if nothing else helps i can gaurantee MB will-whether you be the WS or the BS.<P>I wanted to try and touch on a few things you said.<P>First of all-your W and the way she treats you and the kids. I hate to say it but she sounds like my mother. I have not lived at home since 1975 yet I still remember her harsh ways of raising us kids, calling us terrible filthy names, nagging, yelling, screaming, cussing............. I thionk it is VERY important to do whatever possible to help your W become a happier person which in turn will hopefully make her not only a wonderful wife but a wonderful mother too.<P>I do NOT know what you can do to help her but I do know that by showing your love, by being positive and loving, by doing the little things that matter (notes left on the counter, a surprise phone call saying I love you, maybe running her a bubble bath and lighting a candle or two and giving her time to herself, flowers [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] or a note scribbled in soap on the bathroom mirror). Everyone likes to feel important-you said so yourself-so just those little things that say I LOVE YOU are important.<P>You said in 3 years you only had sex with the OW 8 times? May I ask how you know exactly how many times? The reason I ask this is because my H and my best friend had a 2 year A. When I first asked him how many times he said he couldn't remember. Of course I thought that was bull. Then he said 2 or 3 times. I immediately said there had to have been more than that or the A would NOT have lasted 2 years. I just wondered what your opinion was on this. I do know that they went months at a time without contact and then would get together again and then off again.<P>Anyhow-I am tired and had better get some sleep before another day arrives. I wish you lots of luck. I do say start now to show her how much you care-do not get discouraged. And take the time to let the kids know too-and when you must go away keep in steady contact with them all.<P>take care-<P><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."