I liked the post started by the dhj so I thought I'd start one for the betrayers to remind us why we love our spouses...<P>

Holly, great idea for a post that accentuates the positive and eliminates the negative!<P>I love my H for so many reasons, but to name a few:<P>He's the most forgiving person I've ever known or probably ever will meet. He has never thrown anything in my face, and he doesn't hold grudges. He is very affectionate, loves to cuddle and hold hands with me. He takes me anywhere I want to go. He is very considerate, always pulls out my chair and opens my door. He always makes sure my car is in great running condition (washes it each week, too!). He is so loving and so kind. He is very compassionate and will cry with me at sentimental girl flicks. Oh, the list goes on and on.<P>The BEST and most encouraging part about how great my H is is that this is the new him. He used to be the direct opposite to all of these positive things. He is a true testament that people can change if they really want to. I love him with all my heart and promise I will never, ever forget that again.<P>------------------<BR>Love is meant to heal. Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to oust all fear. Love is meant to harmonize differences. Love is meant to bring us closer to God.

cool... sorry for those of you who have heard this from me before <P>He is strong<BR>He is kind<BR>He is gentle<BR>He is an amazing lover to me<BR>He is wise<BR>He is sensitive<BR>He is my best friend<BR>He showed me love when I didn't deserve it.<BR>He stayed when he had every right to leave.<BR>He has forgiven me and didn't lash out at me.<BR>He takes care of me.<BR>He is supportive of me.<BR>He is handsome.<BR>He is funny<BR>He is interesting<BR>He surprises me.<BR>God he shows me so much love.<P>(no particular order there)<P>...forever I will regret what I have done, but I hope to change that into a focus on doing all I can for him to make him happy..<P>thanks Holly..that felt good. <P>-janet<p>[This message has been edited by rjr #2 (edited September 09, 1999).]

Once upon a time, I was a girl with hopes to meet the perfect man. It was the 70's, and I spent my time looking for a man at the discos - dancing my life away. My grandmother saw this, and began to pray for me to find a nice man. In 1980, I did meet him, and seven weeks later we married. The things I loved about him then are some of the things I love about him now... he was and is the most physically beautiful man I have seen. He is tender-hearted, and proved to be the most wonderful father to our three children. He works very hard to support his family. He has very strong morals, doesn't curse or hang out in bars, and I never have to worry whether he'll bring home his paycheck - he will! He puts his family first, before his own needs. He never gives up on things he thinks are important. I don't always agree with what he does, but I respect his perserverance. When he's happy and he looks into my eyes, his whole face lights up, and it is the most beautiful sight on earth. Unfortunately, I haven't seen that a lot lately . He is deeply spiritual, deeply romantic, and more intelligent than anyone knows. A one word discription of my H would be "deep". He is a poet, he makes me laugh, and he deserves the best I have to offer him.<P>I will print this out for him tonight, and maybe I will see his shining face again!

Too many to count...<P>His love and deep commitment to our family..<P>His ability to make me laugh and be completely off the wall wacky when I need it..<P>His thoughtfulness to my own needs..<P>His ability to forgive..<P>His incredibly good nature..<P>His personality..can make anyone at ease..<P>His incredible good looks..<P>The fact that he would rather spend time with us than with his friends..<P>The fact we can and have changed together..<P>Shows me/tells me he loves me every day..<P>He is incredibly affectionate..<P>Just to name a few... <P>

I prayed for a man like him all my life. He is the most wonderful, caring, loving, understanding, sensitive, intelligent, handsome, and all over perfect man I've ever known.<P>This was the card he gave me Wednesday for my birthday:<P>"To my Wife:<BR>I asked the Lord for just the right words to tell you how very much I love you, how my heart fills with joy when I see your face as you welcome me into your arms...<P>I asked the Lord for just the right way to show you how very much I need you, how I depend on you to believe in me and to be my partner as we raise our family together.<P>I asked the Lord just how to say how much better I am for having the love of such a wonderful woman, and how proud I am to be able to call you mine.<P>And He told me, "There is no better way to tell her all these things than to simply continue to love her with all your heart and soul."<P>He wrote, "I really did pray. It made me realize that in all these ways and more I need you."<P>This man is beyond compare!<P>Tracy<P>------------------<BR>"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me."

Happy Belated Birthday Tracy!! <P>------------------<BR>Love is meant to heal. Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to oust all fear. Love is meant to harmonize differences. Love is meant to bring us closer to God.

Hi Holly,<P>Great idea! <P>I love my husband because he is so cute, funny (a clown at times), hard worker, ambious, caring, big-hearted, wonderful lover, very giving, strong but yet sensitive side deep inside, loves me unconditionally with all faults and makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.<P>This really made me feel good. The OM has been done all week at work, it's been heaven. Things have been good at home, some bumps but overall better.<P>Hope things are good with you.

Things I love about my husband:<P>He always looks at the bright side of things<P>He is very affectionate<P>He's got 5,000 friends (everyone who meets him is a friend!)<P>He's quick-witted and really likes to joke with people<P>He's so loyal and dedicated to our family<P>He's hardworking (has worked extra jobs anytime we needed it)<P>Did I say he's gorgeous yet?<P>He irons my suits for work <P>He takes all day to mow our little yard because he's always stopping to collect toads and bugs, jump on the kids' pogo stick, tinker around with the mower (like a little boy)<P>He won't kill a moth or a spider, he has to catch it and release it outside<P>He likes Ally McBeal <P>He's kind to everyone. People are always asking me "when does he ever get mad?" because no one ever sees him in a bad mood.<P>He is a wonderful father<P>He will drive all night on road trips and let me sleep.<P>He sings some mean Karaoke <P>He loves me infinitely and unconditionally and has done so even when I didn't deserve it. I will be forever grateful for that.<P>He has a heart of gold.

This is fun...ok so I'm a little silly on this one you guys..<BR>Wow, what a great bunch of men ladies!!!!

What a great thread... I've probably said all this before on MB but can't pass up another opportunity! (& Interplanet Janet, did we marry twins?)<P>He's sweet, loving, committed, steadfast, mature... he's soulful, artistic, enjoys so many fine things (music, wine, art, movies, food, romance, travel...) *and wants to share them with ME* ...he works hard at both his career and his marriage & family... he wants to live with joy in his life... he is *drop-dead-gorgeous!!!*... he cooks for me a lot ...he has shown love & perseverence far beyond what I deserved at times (& I feel lucky to have at last returned this gift)... he is a soulful & giving lover... he is intellectually interesting, and we have great talks... he is kind, forgiving, secure with who he is, confident - he has no need to bluster or be cruel... I love him endlessly and could go on & on!!<P>Some of these qualities Dunc always had - tho some got 'buried' during The Bad Years (I think a lot of men go through this 'fear of being vulnerable' thing) - some have developed more recently. He just gets better & better !<P>Message for wavering betrayers: give him/her a chance. The stuff you fell in love with is still there. And so much more.<P>------------------<BR>~suse~<BR>Rome wasn't built in a day.<BR>

Why do I love him?<P>Because I made a choice to do so.<P>Because I'm married to him.<P>Because we have 3 beautiful children together.<P><BR>

one needn't wonder why those women married to lesser men might cheat. one might wonder why they don't cheat.

Here's mine:<P>He's goofy...like me<BR>He makes me feel safe<BR>He's attractive<BR>He loves animals<BR>He takes care of me<BR>He's a hard worker <BR>He's an optimist<BR>He's laid back<BR>He's stable and secure<BR>He'll watch Melrose Place with me!<P>Pam<BR>

Here's why I love my H:<P>He is a loving person<P>He is handsome<P>He is a great hugger, kisser, lover<P>He is great at what he does<P>He is smart (about a lot of different things)<P>He is a wonderful father<P>He stayed even when I wasn't the best wife<P>He is understanding<P>He tries to help friends with their problems<P>He tries to help family when he can -until they take advantage of him like his sister did yesterday<P>He is not old like he thinks he is - he'll be 37 this month<P>He gives advice when he can but doesn't get mad if someone doesn't take it<P>He doesn't let my parents get to him - even when they are being mean and rude<P>He is just a wonderful, well-rounded, loving, handsome man<p>[This message has been edited by hopeful1771 (edited September 10, 1999).]

Thanks Ladies from this betrayed husband...your answers give hope to us all. Things are going fantastic in my marriage right now but deep inside I have been having a "sorrow" relapse this week. I think God sent me here today to lift my spirits. You all have betrayed and feel this way about your husbands and are saying many of these things my wife has been telling me. But sometimes it is hard to believe coming from one who betrayed you. You have helped me to believe the things that my wife is trying to reassure me of lately. I feel now that she really is feeling the remorse and happiness to be with me again.<P>Y'all really have no idea of how much this means to me as a betrayed husband and I am very sure to others here. Y'all are wonderful.<p>[This message has been edited by Broken (edited September 10, 1999).]

Hi, Broken,<P>I was glad to see you popping up again, & I'm happy this post helped with your "relapse". For what it's worth, I don't think your little slump is unusual, although it seems to come out of the blue - you've dealt with some very large & serious life issues lately; I'm sure there's still stuff churning around inside you. I still have 'moments' now & then too... don't get too worried about it, just kind of try to monitor it a bit, & try to keep talking to your W!! She needs to know if you're feeling sad - if for no other reason than so she can understand that it may not be anything she's 'doing wrong' now - *and* to give her the opportunity to be extra-good to you.<P>Hey, how about some guys on this thread?? I know you're out there! <P>------------------<BR>~suse~<BR>Rome wasn't built in a day.<BR>

Suse,<P>I second that!<P>Broken,<P>You are most welcome, and I, too, am glad our words have helped you. I wish you and your W continued happiness in your newfound love and marriage.<P>I just thought of some more great things about my H:<P>He always holds me tight while we're laying in bed until I fall asleep.<P>He gives the absolute best full body massages.<P>He calls me throughout the day, just because.<P>He always carries in the grocery bags after we go shopping.<P>He doesn't mind washing dishes or helping with other housework.<P>He lets me pick the movies we see ..... can't wait to see the new Kevin Costner film.<P>I'll be back with more, I'm sure. The guy is fantastic!<P>------------------<BR>Love is meant to heal. Love is meant to renew. Love is meant to oust all fear. Love is meant to harmonize differences. Love is meant to bring us closer to God.

I guess I'm having a problem with all of the wonderful traites attributed to the spouses. If they were so very wonderful then why the betrayal in the first place. Apparently, and this is very important, being a great provider, lover, companion, friend, etc., has little to do with whether or not your needs are being met, And it certainly doesn't prevent the betrayal. So how can we ever prevent them from reoccuring?<P>I suppose we should be thankful for what we have.<P>Flip

To all who posted such wonderful words about your spouses...I am truly interested. If they are NOW this wonderful, this handsome, this Everything...When did you realize this? If you feel this way about them now, (and my wife says she does about me) then what changed? Their looks certainly never changed, but it didn't matter when you were having the affair? My wife can't explain this phenomenon, perhaps you can give me and others insight into how "IT" changes.<P>Thanks in advance,<BR>DG99(H)<P><p>[This message has been edited by Disgrace99d (edited September 28, 1999).]