Well, my husband seems to be turning the corner . . . he has not had contact with OW in a week, (and he said that he has e-mailed to tell her he does not want any more contact) and to write a letter to her that I will send outlining no contact, as well as talking to his supervisor about not having any contact with her including for business reasons (they work in the same company, different locations & departments, but occasionally speak for business reasons). He also agreed to attend marriage counseling biweekly & individual counseling biweekly. We agreed that he could come home once he had a strategy for no work contact, and the letter is written/sent.<P>Ok, so here's the problem, well a couple of problems really. First, why do I feel so afraid of his return? Is it because I've been living alone for 2 1/2 months? Is it because I'm afraid he's really lying still underneath all this, to have his cake and eat it too? And/Or, is it because I'm afraid of my own emotional reactions? I'm just so much more emotionally tensed when he's around. <P>Second, when we talked about this in counseling, he made it sound like talking to his supervisor and writing the letter would be pretty immediate - he went to work after counseling today, and did not tell her. He says he will write the letter tomorrow, when he comes to visit. But, the letter was to include the strategy he has developed at work to keep her from contacting him. How can I send the letter when he hasn't talked to his supervisor? (Maybe if I'm lucky he's talk to his sup tomorrow.) <P>I can't stand this limbo - it feels even worse than the more long-term limbo that I've faced while he has been deciding what to do. I feel really positive that this could be a good starting point for us - if he actually follows through with what he has said he will do. I finally told him tonight that if he doesn't feel that he can come up with a work strategy this week, that I would rather hear him say that he is not ready to come home than for me to wonder . . . well, will he do what he said he will do today? I think my fear is some of the reason for my position. I feel that I really need to prepare my heart for his return, so that I'm not expressing the anger & sadness that I still sometimes feel, and so I'm not wallowing in my doubts. <P>I would love to hear from people who have been through the return home things - both WS and BS. I know my H has fears and doubts as well, and I'd love some more insight on those.<P>Peace,<P>WLE

WLE,<P>I don't have much time but I think some of the answers to your questions lie in the post I am going to bookmark by DesertRose. Please read it. I think it will give you somethings to consider. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/004026.html" TARGET=_blank> Desert Rose's thoughts </A><P>Must go, God Bless,<P>JL

Wings- I am the BS and my H moved out for awhile to live with OW. So I can certainly relate to your feelings. During the time H was out of the house I gained alot of emotional strength and figured out plans for my life in case he followed thru with divorce. Then when he moved back in I wondered if I really WANTED him even though I was so pleased at first when he moved back. The pain and anger I suppressed by following Plan A while he was out of the house really flooded back to me after he moved back in. Just take your time as you decide what you truly want. His actions need to match his words OVER TIME before you can start to trust him again. I told my H last wk that his trust level with me is zero. Hopefully it will improve in time. Take care- lifeismessy

Wings,<BR>I totally understand your fears. I wish that I'd had the sense to have those same fears. My H moved out in March. I found out about OW in May. My H kept telling me things like "he was leaning towards coming home" and "I know my future is at home". On July 3, after spending 4 days at a family reunion with my H and kids, I had to give my H Plan B letter. We had a WONDERFUL time at the reunion, but I knew it was not the real world. It was fantasy, just like my H had with OW. OW tracked him down at the reunion (you see, my H had lied to her and said I wasn't going to be there). I found out that my H had called OW twice while I was out of OUR room. On the phone, OW broke things off with him. By the NEXT day, she had forgiven his lies, etc., and things were back on with them. So, I wait 2 days and give H the Plan B letter. Now, my H and I have spoken just about every day for 16 years. So by the end of the 2nd day, my H calls me and says "I love you, and I want to come home." Well, I was SOOO excited, that I let him come home the next day. BIG MISTAKE. He's been waffling ever since. He finally had me send "no contact" letter last week. I sent it certified, and OW refused it. I don't know even today, 5 weeks later, if they are still in contact or not. Of course, he's lied for so long, I can't trust. H still blames ME totally for the A, and now I feel as if he's resenting ME for his having to end things with OW. I'm sorry this is so long, but you are so right to have the fears. In defense of your H though, it sounds like he is truly trying to cut the ties with OW. My H gave big LIP service, but was lying about continued phone contact (I found out by listening to voicemails that she'd left on his apartment phone; my H did not know that I'd figured out his voicemail password). He lied to my FACE about talking to her. Now my H has informed me that he is miserable; he doesn't know what it will take to make him happy. I'm so afraid that he's so weak and vulnerable (and still clinging to the fact that OW is his SOUL MATE) that he's about to run away again. I don't want to totally scare you, because everyone's situation is somewhat different, but please PROCEED WITH CAUTION. I feel now that if my H leaves again, it's going to be over for us. I do not want my children to see our house as a revolving door. This is the one chance I am giving our marriage. I will pray for you and your H.