Well, today, I was emptying out the guestroom closet in preparation for painting and putting new shelving in.<BR>Tucked away in a box on the top shelf was a small paper bag with condoms. The good thing is that the expiration date on them was 1996. <P>Now, given the fact that our son hasn't lived here since 1990, our daughter hasn't lived here since early 1993, and the fact that I thoroughly cleaned out that closet right after she married, the bad news is that only one person could have stashed them there. <P>So...I simply put them on H's dresser. After he found them there, he came and asked me, "Where'd these come from?" I said, "I found them hidden in the top of that closet." <P>H: "What closet?"<P>Me: "The guestroom closet." <P>He went back toward our room, and turned around and blurted out, "I don't know where they came from; I swear to God I don't."<P>He went back toward our room, and then turned around and came back to ask, "Didn't D and "ex-SiL" stay with us around that time?"<P>Our D and her then H did stay with us for about 6 weeks in the summer of 1993, but they stayed in our camper. Also, they were trying to get pregnant at the time, so why would they have condoms stashed in our house?<P>There has been NO ONE staying in our house who had a legitimate reason to stash condoms in the top of our closet, other than to make sure he didn't get caught giving me an STD <B>AGAIN</B>! GRRRR!!!<P>Anyway, the good news is that I didn't LB, unless you call going shopping this evening and not getting home until 10:00 a LB. H called twice to see where I was...wanted to know why it was taking me 5 hours to go to Wal-Mart and Home Depot (30 miles away).

OK, it does look bad. <P>One question though...does anyone know how long condoms are good for? Could a box bought in 1990 have an expiration date for several years later? Is there a chance he is telling the truth? Sorry, I don't know how long they are good for, but maybe someone else will...

I just checked some condoms I have that were purchased a couple weeks ago, the expiration date is 02-2006. <P>Juanita

Thanks for the response. I have no idea when he bought the condoms, but it would have to have been after 1986. That is when he had unprotected sex with the STD Tramp, and brought her trichomonas home to me. The condoms would have had to been hidden in the closet after the summer of 1993, because that is the last time I had completely emptied the closet out when I was redecorating that bedroom for our grandsons.<P>At least he was trying to keep from bringing home any more nasty "gifts" to me. I figure he had another fling around that time, so I'm not really surprised.<P>Anyway, I haven't mentioned it to him since. What's the point? He'd only lie and deny....yet again. <P>Oh, and BTW, I had a hysterectomy in 1992, and was on the pill before that, so there has never been a legitimate reason for H to have condoms.<p>[This message has been edited by Lady Clueless (edited August 27, 2001).]

Bummer Lady C,<BR>I'm thinking you should give your H the benefit of the doubt. There have been times when I have accused everyone in my house of something and later, come to find out, they didn't do the thing, whatever it was that I was so furious about and I have felt soooo embarrassed for all my negative thoughts toward them because I just "KNEW..."<P>The condoms were old and expired and obviously not being used by anyone, so I think you should just toss the thoughts out of your memory bank. You get a pat on the back from me for not going off! That was GREAT! You did GOOD!<P>I haven't kept up with the details of what's going on in your marriage, buttttttt, my guess is that IF everything was going relatively smoothly (considering), and suddenly this bag showed up, I think it is just a ploy of the enemy to get you back to square one when you were making progress in moving forward trying to rebuild some trust in your H.<P>Consider yourself hugged. {{{{{{{{xoxoxo}}}}}}}}} The devil simply doesn't play fair. Don't give up!

Thanks, BTDT, for the hug. I need a hug from somebody.<P>Oh, I'm sure H isn't screwing around NOW, although I think he was interested in "sampling" a 25-yr-old a while back. The bar closed, so there went his means of contact with her. I'm not sure if he would have gotten anywhere with her, but you never know.<P>I do believe that H was having another fling about 6-7 years ago, so it's possible that the condoms were from that. That girl was an alcoholic who would get drunk out of her mind, so there's no telling WHO she was with. She probably doesn't even know. She was at the same party we attended once (gee, isn't it funny how they always turn up when H and I are out together?), and her H confronted my H about her. I wasn't around to see the confrontation, but I think H ended the fling after that. I would love to have a talk with her H; but, since they've moved out of town and I understand that she quit drinking, there's no sense in rocking their boat and getting them back in our lives.<P>I can't say that we're in recovery. My H has never told me the whole truth...only what he HAD to tell me. He seems to be content, so long as I keep going along being agreeable, sweet and affectionate, without bringing up any relationship issues. The problem is that <B>I'm</B> not content. I don't want to continue living "his way" for the rest of my life; I feel like I've wasted an awful lot of time putting up with his garbage....too much time. I keeping thinking that I want to be free.<P>BTW, there was NOBODY ELSE who COULD have hidden those condoms.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Lady Clueless (edited August 27, 2001).]

Why are you stressing over something that obviously happened years ago?<P>If the expiration was 1996, then to me it makes sense that he hid them way back then and forgot about them. Why LB now? <P>Why throw it in his face at all? Whats the point?<P>Maybe I'm missing part of your story, but I thought you KNEW he was unfaithful in the past. Or were you only suspicious and this confirms it for you?

Hi, Lexxxy,<BR> First, I didn't lovebust. I simply put them on his dresser. I haven't thrown anything in his face. On the contrary, I've been Plan A-ing really hard for the past 3-1/2 years. H is very much like you; he doesn't want to have to discuss it and doesn't want to do anything out of his way to make our marriage better. As long as I do what he wants, everything seems to be hunky-dory with him. To give him credit, I will say that the verbal abuse from him has been almost totally eliminated. <P> Second, the only affair he's admitted to was a one-night stand in 1986, and I'm really not too sure it was only a one-night stand. I do think he ended that when I came down with the STD that she passed on to him and through him, to me. This woman died in 1991, and the presence of condoms that could ONLY have been put into that closet after the summer of 1993 shows me that there was indeed more cheating after that one-night stand.<P> Third, I want the whole truth about everything from him, especially the last relationship with Cafe Woman. It took nearly 3 years for him to finally end contact with her, although I do believe he broke off with her as soon as I confronted him about whether he was cheating or not.<P> In short, I suspect that my H started cheating 27 years ago, when I was pregnant with our daughter. Actually, I suspect there have been about 5 or 6 OW. There was even a young man (a little younger than our daughter) who stalked my H for a while, claiming that my H was his father. At the time, I tried to dismiss the idea that he was, because this young man was known to have mental problems. Sadly, I expect that I will never know the truth about that, as the young man was killed in an accident last winter. Asking his mother would be a cruel thing to do, I think. We've buried two of our own children, and I would never want to cause anyone additional grief over a child she's lost.<P> While I believe that my H loves me (after all, he says I'm a great mother, and I know that he likes having a wife that has never been with another man) and wants to stay married to me, I don't believe that he is in love with me. I believe that if he thought he could get away with it, he'd cheat again. He doesn't think he should have to do anything to regain my trust. I should just automatically trust him because he says I should. Yeah, right.<P>So, I guess I still obsess over this stuff because he is not being honest with me, and I'm doubting if he ever will.

Thanks for explaining Lady. Your reaction and concern make a lot more sense to me. <BR>That must have been a painful discovery. And I don't know how you can function without knowing. It would eat me up inside. I'd pick at it until I knew. I admire your self-control.<P>

Lady Clueless,<BR>I would ask a few questions as well. To say it happened a few years ago, therfore dismiss it, IMHO is not being responsible to protect ourselfs from other surprizes. It seems important to establish a pattern -- <P>Let me pose another question to those tuned in -- hope I'm not intruding on your thread, but your situation reminded me of similar delima I'm wrestling with regarding the establishing of a pattern. I first discovered an A my W had 20 years ago. More recently with two guys -D/D on 01/17/01. There was an incident 10 years ago, where she was going to asked to testified in court regarding a divorce for a couple she babysat for. My W explained that the husband claimed my W made a pass at him -- My W had several discussion with mother of of baby & ended up not being called to court or no deposition. Why would this<BR>be a part of divorce case - making a pass -- more to it? Pattern?? I am wondering if I should call the mother & ask if she though my W & her H had A -- ???<BR>My W claims she was victem in current thing -- She says she doesn't flirt or dress to get attention.<BR>Best of luck!<BR>HH