As I posted before my WH has apparently dumped the OW.<BR>I've heard it from his mouth...from my sisters and from all kinds of people where they work.<BR>Sunday....while I was with him was the BIG day. She called and he told her that he would bring her stuff to her that night. He did...and got his stuff from her.<BR>Well....first thing Monday morning she went to work telling everyone that it was over...but that was ok because she had been talking to another guy the whole time and already had a date this weekend. Wonder if she realizes how much of a whore this really makes her look like? Oh well....not my business anymore.....just tired of all the high schoolish games she's playing already.<P>WH came over yesterday after dropping the last of her stuff off at her house. He stayed for supper and then suggested that we all go for a drive. While we were getting in his truck the first thing he did was turn his cell phone on and check his voice mail. This bothered me a little bit. Seems he was expecting her to call....she did. He let me listen to it and I realized that he never deleted any of her messages all the way back to Saturday. The last message she left was her asking him to call her because she had a question for him. He said he wasn't going to call her.<BR>He then made a comment about having to look into the book for his phone so he could delete her phone #'s out of his phone book. I said...well that is easy...so he told me to do it. I did. <P>Anyway....we went for our drive and had a good time together...as a family. When we got home though our youngest daughter got very upset that daddy was leaving again. He held her for a while talking to her and then really surprised me again. He told her that he would come over right after work today and he would bring some clothes and stay the night with us if that was ok with mommy. Of course mommy said that was just fine with her....lol<BR>I walked him out to his truck and he told me again that he loved me...gave me a kiss and left.<BR>A good night overall.<P>So.....I'm wondering.....is this for real?<BR>Here is why I'm asking.<P>I just found out yesterday that my house is about 2 weeks away from being reposessed. I called him at work yesterday to tell him about it and told him how much money they wanted to be able to stop it. Neither one of us can come up with it. He can't afford to pay for two houses and I can't find a job to pay for this one. <P>Here is what is bothering me about this.......<BR>He pays my sister rent....doesn't miss a payment....yet thinks that it is ok to miss our house payment. He's obviously more worried about having a roof over his head than over his daughters. This is a major thing for me....this has been my home for the last 8 years....it's the only home my 2 youngest daughters have ever known. He keeps telling me not to worry about it....that if we do lose it that we can always come and live with him. I'm not sure that moving in with him would be a good idea....firstly because there just isn't enough room out there for 4 more people....secondly....because I'm not truly sure where I stand with him.<BR>I can see myself losing this house and moving in with him and the whole A thing starting again. Where does that leave me? Homeless with 3 kids and no job. Not a very pretty picture.<P>I'm trying to take this ALOT slower than I thought I would be able to.....who would have ever thought that I would learn patience. Another thing....I'm just not as into it as I thought I would be. I want it to work out....but now I'm so cautious. I'm not sure what to do.<P>I want to yell at him for putting me in this position. He still shows no guilt or remorse for what he's done....he does with certain things at the time....but quickly changes the subject and moves on. I do truly love him....and do want to be with him....but am having a hard time believing that this time he will stay and be faithfull, honest and open with me about everything.<P>I've taken the back seat in all this and just let him do all the work....let him come to me...let him show me how much he wants to be with me.....but it's so hard when kids are involved....you ask yourself....does he want me and the kids......or does he just want the kids and has to take me with them?<P>So many questions to ask. His actions say that he wants to be with me....and the girls.....but I've been through so much...that it's going to take alot of convincing to make me believe it.<P>So where do I start?<BR> <P>

Miss Pris:<BR>I have felt exactly the same way as you. I still don't feel like my H would be coming home for me. I feel like it's for his house, the yard, the kids, and I'm here, so what can he do? I am so sorry that your H is not being responsible with the bills. You need to find a way to talk about that. To risk losing your house should NOT be an option. I feel so bad that you have been put in this situation. I am so grateful that I have a good job that helps me to feel more independent. Of course, it's nicer to have the 2 incomes paying bills of 1 household. I can't imagine your fear. I think you need to stress to your H that moving in with (your?) sister would not NOT be helpful to recovering your marriage. Any time there is outside family involved, there could be problems. If he's serious, tell him that he NEEDS to worry about the bills at home. I feel the same doubts and fears as you as far as my H's sincerity at this point. The only thing I can say is pray to God for discernment and truth. I feel so strongly that God wants to heal marriages. We can only do so much of the work. Our WS's and God must do the rest. I'll say a prayer about your financial situation...<P>MOM

MOM<P>I know for a fact that my WH will never ever move back into this house....that is one of the things that makes me sure that he really wants to be with me. He wants to move me and the girls to the house that he lives in now. Only problem is is that my sister lives there also and there just isn't enough room for everyone.<BR>He did suggest trying to keep paying on this house for now and fixing it up a little and selling it....not sure whether he meant he would move in for now or not....and then finding a place of our own out in the country.<P>We still have alot of things to talk about....but I don't want him to feel like I'm pushing him into making a decision....I want the decisions he makes to be made on his own.<BR>I have decided to believe him until he gives me a reason not to.

Miss Priss,<BR>When you say "I don't want him to feel like I am pushing him to make a decision" I get really confused. You simply have to push him at this point in your life or you will be living on the streets in TWO WEEKS. You cannot let this happen. I have been in banking and I know it takes about 6 months of making no mortgage payments to be facing reposession. Surely there have been notices sent, past due collections phone calls...even if not, both of you know when the payment is due and when it is not paid. I don't mean to sound harsh. I do have sympathy for your situation, but this is not something you can sit around and "hope" will get better, or that he will just suddenly "feel" like taking care of. You have to be proactive and take charge of this situation.<BR>Another question - Does your sister know the gravity of the financial situation? If so, how could she be taking rent from him while your mortgage goes unpaid? Maybe you can talk to her. <BR>And finally, what do you mean when you say you "can't find a job to pay for this one" ? Of course you can find a job. You may mean you don't want to, or don't want to pay for child care while you work, or don't want to take a low paying or menial type job, or something else. But, you can find a job. Some type of job. I just bring this up because it may be a symptom of how you are dealing with issues and problems you are facing. If you think in absolutes like this and make yourself the victim of circumstance, you will set yourself up for failure. Please try to put yourself in the driver's seat. You will be stronger and more capable of making a decision about what YOU want to do in regards to your life and your marriage.<P>Really, I am not trying to be too hard on you. I just hate to see women (especially BS) who depend on their husbands to handle things and do what they should do, taking no responsibility for themselves and then end up in an even worse position. Don't let him do this to you!<P>Tell him tonight when he comes over that you are very worried about the house. That you want him to call the bank and work out a payment plan. That you have no intention of losing the house. Be sweet and lovely, but firm in your resolve. Your daughters deserve this.<BR>Good Luck<BR><P>------------------<BR>Reality<BR>It's not what you think

MP first thanks for the advice you've given me on my thread. I will definitely e-mail you. Now about the situation with your H. You certainly have every right to want to take it slow. Why would he not want to move back into his own home with his family if he wants his marriage to work? Why would he expect you to move in his place when your sister is there? Seems like that would be a little difficult to try and make a new start for anybody. Is there anyway you can come up with part of the money to stop them from foreclosing on your home? Amazes me how much trouble an A could inflict on our lives. I know that you have become a strong independent woman and you will be able to handle this too! Hugs and prayers to you.<BR>C

Wiffle,<P>Very harsh statements for someone that does not know the whole situations. I will explain though.<P>My house payment is 2 months behind. When I knew that I couldn't make a payment I called the bank ...told them and set up peyment arrangments to get it caught up. This is something I've never had to do before. <BR>Now they have decided that due to my situation reposession is warranted. We have an appt with the bank tomorrow and if we cannot agree to the terms that they set up then my house WILL be foreclosed on.<BR>I'm not sitting around and "hoping" that this situation will get better on it's own or waiting for my WH to decide to take care of it. I'm doing everything that is possible from my end to take care of this...which isn't much.<P>As far as not being able to get a job....I must say I'm a little offended at some of your remarks. Of course I don't want to pay child care....it's expensive and I've always stayed at home with the girls. <BR>But I also have responsibilities to take care of on my own now. A job is essential in doing that.<BR>A job is a job to me.....no matter what it is. If it supports me and my daughters then I'll do it. <BR>It's hard to find a job in my area right now since there are more people looking for jobs than there are jobs. Plus...I have no work history or experience in anything since I've always stayed at home. So don't say I could find one if I looked hard enough or wanted one bad enough. It's not from my lack of looking or trying.<P>As far as saying that I don't want him to feel like I'm pushing him to make a decision. What I meant by that was that I need to approach everything in a way where HE makes a decision for himself.....about everything. There have been too many times where I and other people have pushed him to make a decision and he's made the wrong choices.<P>I do not depend on my WH to do anything for me anymore....and for someone to imply that I do shows that they truly don't know me.<P>

Again I apologize for sounding more harsh in my post than I meant to. From reading your posts it did sound like you were waiting on your husband to handle the house situation. Even two months behind is not acceptable, especially since, as you say, he has been paying his own rent during this time. Why don't you talk to your sister about the financial strain and see if she will let him live "rent free" for a couple of months so he can pay the house payment that he should be paying? Also, why did you say he will "never move back in to your house?" Someone else asked that too, and you didn't explain. The other thing that jumps out at me is that he apparantly can still pay his cell phone bill and all his expenses, but isn't taking care of his families basic needs -LIKE HOUSING! You have every right to want to scream at him, like you said. But, as you know, that probably won't be very effective. So it sounds like the meeting at the bank and the other proactive steps you are taking are the right way to go. Is he going to the meeting too?<P>About the job - everything you say is correct, but you will notice in your first post you said specifically, "I cannot get a job." And you just said yourself that is not true. You can get a job. It is one of those subtle things we tell ourselves. How old are your daughters? Are they in school yet? There are all kinds of jobs that can be done during the school day. And having no experience isn't necessarily a bad thing. Many places prefer to train people. <P>I know the things you are facing are hard and it does sound like you are a really strong person. I understand what you are saying about letting him make the decisions regarding coming home and being a family and that trying to push that issue will not work. I agree wholeheartedly. <P>Good luck. <P>------------------<BR>Reality<BR>It's not what you think

wiffle<P>yes he is going to the meeting with me at the bank.<BR>no he cannot afford to pay his cell phone bill....hasn't it 2 months.....so he isn't just not paying the bills here....he can't afford to pay some of his either.<P>my sister will not allow him to live rent free for a couple of months.....she depends on my wh's money to help pay...that is why they rented this new house together. i'm not sure she knows about this situation...i do not get much of a chance to talk to her.<P>my daughters are 10, 5 and 3.....only the oldest is in school.

MP I sympathize with you. And I can say been there done that. I read in your previous post about going to the welfare office so you probably know about a lot of the organizations that exist out there to help people in this situation.<P>--I know in PA they have a program called Parent Select who pays for childcare while you work. Maybe there is something like that near you. <BR>--The United Way will pay for your first month's rent on an apartment.<P>Stick around I have more to tell you. Check in tonght.

I'm back.<P>Okay --try the JTPA(job training partnership act) it's a program to train you on the job or in school. Check at the unemployment office.<P>--last thing, check with local accountants for a debt counseling program. They arn't that expensive. H and I pay only $50 a month. They will work with your bill collectors and could possibly stop the reposssesion of your house. It stopped ours!<P>I hope these tidbits help you. If you have any questions just ask.

Can you possibly watch other people's kids who need day care? I know my day care provider makes a fortune off of me. That way you are home with your kids and still have an income?<P>Just throwing out suggestions...<BR>Praying for you<BR>Debbie