WHs I apologize for taking your situations so personally. No excuses. I used you to say things that I wish I could say to my WH...knowing they are big LB's--I do not say them to him.<P>I am a BS who loves her H very much...who has always loved him and have never in my life felt such pain or betrayal. I have pushed that pain down...down..down so that I could deal with our situation...<P>Everything that I thought was true became a lie. Everything I believed in became a lie.<BR>My whole married life was turned on its ear.<P>When I read what seems to be such callous, cavelier words, my pain just rises to the top...<P>I know I hurt my H with my anger and frustration. I believe that I broke certain marriage vows as well...but I truly believe in <I>for better, or for worse</I> and when I said <B>I DO </B>, I didn't mean <B>I'll try</B>, or until the next best thing comes along...or until I just can't anymore...<P>So I apologize...and I will refrain from posting to you because I can't seem to get past the pain...I take it too personally.<P>Respectfully,<BR>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

Cal--Take some time here and take a breath. Go cry, eat some chocolate, throw darts, kick the dog (no not really). It's okay to have a bad day. Everyone is intitled.<P>We all have our pain. And I'm sure at times, each one of us can't imagine anyone else's being worse. I was just now thinking about how angry many of the people sound here. And that's okay, there is lots to be angry for! But I wondered how productive it was to healing and moving on. I've been lucky to have a husband who has been so good at doing just that.<P>I think all of us are going to hang on to feelings for a long time. In 25 or 30 yrs, you may have "gotten over" the hurt, but there will be bits and pieces still in you. Just as there will be bits and pieces of love for the OM in me for a very long time. Holding on to these things so totally are comforting because they are what we've come to know. But they really don't help us in the end.<P>Maybe you're reluctant to let go of your anger. I'm reluctant to let go of my memories. But it's something we all are trying to do and moving at various stages. <P>Just be gentle with yourself. It will help you be gentle with others too. Allow yourself mistakes and bad days and moments of anger and it will be easier to allow others their's also.

Certainly no offense taken here. I ditto snobird, go do something that will make you feel better - take a bath, have some hot cocoa, whatever. We are all here to learn,, and sometimes learning means hearing things you don't want to hear. That at least is the same whether you are BS or WS. (cyberhugs)<P>------------------<BR>When we walk to the edge of all the light we have, and take that step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen - there will be something there for us to stand on, or God will teach us how to fly.

Cali, sorry you are feeling so down. Don't stop posting, please. We need to hear your words of wisdom and feel your pain. It helps us all. <P>some WS's NEED to hear what you have to say, others that may take offense, well, they need to lighten up a bit.<P>Sometimes, yes, you do get a bit out of hand, but coming here and apologizing says it all. I know I for one, would much prefer you come here to vent then to unleash on your H... Of course, I am the BS, so I may be biased here.<P>You are learning to deal with your anger, that is awesome!!! You need to learn how to display your feelings w/o so much fire. Practice here, then take it home to your H... Don't stop posting or else the lesson may get cut short... <P>HbH

Hey Hurt...<P>No, I'm not going to quit posting...are you kidding...what would I do for a writing outlet then???? (other than maybe writing that book I keep saying I'm gonna write???)<P>But, I need to give myself a break from unrepentant WS's...a couple of them really grind my gears...<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I><p>[This message has been edited by JustPlainCali (edited September 26, 2001).]

Cali, <P>Your gears grind pretty well!! Your insights are keen and your wisdom accepted. I know, as a WS, I have gleened much from your thoughts and feelings. <P>As I saw on Star Trek, The Movie...a quote from Spock...<BR>"The needs of the many, out weigh the needs of the one"<P>There are many more people here that need your words and thoughts. Don't ever let the personal views of one or two unrepentant people allow you to stop helping others. They will come around, in time. <P>Trueheart

JPC,<P>I don't think there is any harm in your posts. I belive your views are important to all of us. I know they are to me!<P><BR>

Trueheart!!!!!<P>I was tempted to use that same quote to emphasize the importance of the institution of marriage to all of us during the discussions last week. That we all are hurt if marriage becomes "disposable". Alas, I am just too darn slow.<P>Jeffers

Cali:<P>I can understand your frustrations with unrepentant WSes ... as a former WS (and BS), it is equally frustrating.<P>You do what you can, when you can.<P>Know that there are many of us that appreciate your participation here. You have helped many.<P>So, a deep breath, and then take it one day at a time, one step at a time. Eventually it takes you somewhere as long as you're working at it.<P>Remember the old maxim: "The hurried-er I go, the behinder I get."<P>So, go read Desiderata, relax in a hot bath ... whatever best helps you unwind for a bit.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Jeffers...<P>Never too slow!! I just got on the puter first...LOL!! If more people "decided" to live their lives with this belief, there would be alot less need for psychologists and a lot less people doubting their own worth! People, as well as marriages, are the disposable things, and that is the saddest part. Our feelings, emotions, wishes, desires...those are the things being discarded!! Yet, we try to teach our children the values to live by? No wonder we grow up confused!!<P>Thanks for the response, Jeffers!!<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart<P>------------------<BR>True