Boy, its been a while since I posted. Since the last time I've posted my world has changed several times. I finally got to the point where I counter filed for divorce. Its been 10 months and my wife has shown no change. Oh - she said several times that she was trying to make it work, but I always caught her in a lie regarding contact. Her trying before was at my assistance. I finally got tired of being lied to and hurt and started taking steps to move on with my life. <P>I haven't talked to my W for several weeks except for about the kids. Yesterday was my day to have the kids. I got a call at my office from my W asking if instead of having the kids, she could come over to talk. She then told me that she wanted to work on us. This is all still very fragile, but we are going to try to take it slow (and go to counseling) and try to move back in together before Christmas.<P>Wish me luck<BR>S&C

sadandconfused:<P>I am glad to know that your ws and you are going to try and make it work again. I sometimes wonder if them leaving is what it takes to make the fog lift. <P>How do you make it through without your spouse?<P>Do you have any pointers on how to be strong?<P>Is it easier for men than women?<P>Jenni70

jenni70,<BR>trust me i have not been a very strong person. i sometimes think the only reason i've made it this far is because of the anti-depressants. The only other thing that has helped is focusing on something other than the A. I took up a hobby that I haven't done since i was a kid. I have heard of others that read or spend more time with church functions - things like that. is it easier for a man than a woman - not if you are me [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I have been very emotional. I cry when i think about the good times or when something reminds of my w.<BR>S&C

Hi S&C,<P>Yes, it has been a while. Progress? Sounds like it. Good! <P>Is it harder for men BS than women? I think men tend to internalize their issues, not talk about it as much. There are a few men here who like to talk but I don't think that is the majority. It is to a man's benefit but hey, women have dominated the talking world for eons!!!! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]<P>I hope your W is coming to her senses. Women can be stubborn. Pride is a bad thing to either gender. <P>I believe you are stronger than you realize. Our inner strength amazes most of us here. <P>Keep us posted as to how you are doing. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by sadandconfused:<BR><STRONG>I got a call at my office from my W asking if instead of having the kids, she could come over to talk. She then told me that she wanted to work on us. This is all still very fragile, but we are going to try to take it slow (and go to counseling) and try to move back in together before Christmas.<BR></STRONG><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><B>Glad to hear this!!!!</B>I'm sending positive energy and prayers your way. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ October 20, 2001: Message edited by: GeezLouise ]

Dear S&C:<P>Well, this sounds like textbook for the process of letting go of your WS and allowing her to come back to you.<P>It took courage to let her go, I know...but sometimes it is the only way for WS to really "learn" what being D will really mean to them.<P>How much better to start with your WS wanting to work on the marriage...although it took a little longer to get to this point...then to have WS stay and lamely try to work on the marriage while OP is still in the picture. <P>Wish we all had your courage [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<P>Good luck...I think you're reaching the end of the first leg of this tortuous journey...hope the last leg (recovery) is not as rocky..but don't be surprised if it is.<P><BR>Faye

Wow, this is great news! I wish you all the best!

I am excited for you and wish you all the best. <P>Wish I had good news too...but am resigning myself to the fact that it won't happen.<P>Take care of this budding relationship. Good luck [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]!!!

Thank you all for the encouraging posts. It is absolutely wonderful how the Lord works. Three weeks ago, I had given up. I found some emails from my W to OM that made it sound like they had their whole future planned. I pulled back away from my W. I stopped giving and doing things for her. I stopped calling her unless it was to talk about the kids. I guess without even knowing it, I was in Plan B - although without a letter. Actually that's not completely true. I did send her the following in an email when she asked why I wasn't returning any of her calls:<P><I>I am sorry that I did not ask you to not call me. It is very painful for me to talk to you. I did a lot of thinking over the weekend and realized how much I was hurting. You don't know how much it hurt not to call you when I found out how well you did on your chemistry test. However, knowing that you told me that you are going to continue to communicate with OM (as you told me Friday night) coupled with the fact that you would not let me see the rest of that email, is more than I can bear. </I><P>We still have a long way to go. She is going to counseling and we will start counseling again next week. We will move in together as a family in early December. It won't be a great Christmas, but it will be a damn site better than the alternative.<P>Again, thank you all. Many of you have helped me during some very bad times - I simply wanted to share some good news.<P>S&C<P>[ October 23, 2001: Message edited by: sadandconfused ]<p>[ October 23, 2001: Message edited by: sadandconfused ]