I'm posting now to try and avoid phoning him or leaving a message on his pager.<p>Worse part is that I know he would call me and talk to me and make me feel good and loved.<p>But then, after he hung up he would be back in OW's arms and thus the plan B.<p>And I would be left with the same pain and confusion of the last almost six months.<p>I read everyone's postings about the WS being in a fog and how it often shows up in nasty behaviour from the WS toward the BS.<p>So far my H doesn't do that. But he can't/won't give her up. He feels good with her. He's her hero. He's saving her from her nasty marriage. & She doesn't know I am still part of his life and doesn't go through this torment everynight he's not with her.<p>I wish I could live in her head for a while - ignorance would be bliss for a while.<p>I really don't know if plan B is the way to go. But how long can this go on and still leave a chance to get over the horror of having him leave you to go to her and knowing what they do, and having [censored] on his breath when he comes back and holds you in his arms and tells you he loves you?<p>Obviously Plan B is the way to go.... but it is so so lonely. And all my friends have gone to bed.<p>Sorry for going on... just needed to whimper somewhere to someone. Glad you're out there.<p>Laurie

now that I've smoked and drank wine for two hours, I'm feeling tipsy, nauseous (?) and very sorry for myself that no one has responded. Too whiney of a posting I guess!<p>Good night all, talk to you tomorrow.

Hi Rof,<p>I know it is hard. Finding things to keep you occupied during this time is very hard. It is much easier if you could become a fly on the wall of OW's place and spy on them!!!! LOL!! <p>There is another post about how much the BS is able to do now that the WS is out of the house.
Take a look at it. I haven't read it yet but it might have some helpful hints. I know that when my WS moved out, I hurt for a while. Then I started to enjoy my 'freedom' . No one being grumpy at me, telling when to go to bed, what to do etc. and it was easier to keep my house clean!!! <p>But what we are willing to give up for love!!! hm..... ya gotta wonder.... is it really that bad with them out of the house? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>The WS missed us, more than we missed him actually. My son used to ask about his dad, then asked less and less. When H came home, our son asked 'when is he leaving?' Makes you wonder. H had to field that question. <p>L.

Hi ROF,<p>What was the wine? I've been enjoying a crispy white from the Luberon lately - probably cause I was there on my vacation this year [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] It's a very beautiful valley which sits below Mont Ventoux lined with Cedar trees and vines. It's most famous for the Red wine, not so famous for the whites. The grape is commonly Syrah - a very unique taste, one that I like.<p>If you call him during your Plan B, you're not giving him the chance to miss you. And he needs to do this. Stay strong for you - and next time, if the wine is chilled why not invite all of us [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] we could all keep you company [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>take care,<p>- Freddy<p>[ November 06, 2001: Message edited by: Freddy ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Freddy:
<strong>If you call him during your Plan B, you're not giving him the chance to miss you. And he needs to do this. Stay strong for you - </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Hi, ROF,
I'm sorry too, that I didn't see your post last night, but that was way too late for me!<p>Freddy is right. If you're in Plan B, you need to NOT talk to him. He misses you, believe me, he does! They can only fool themselves for so long in thinking that they are carving out a "new, better" life. That's what my WH told me! He's going to have a "better life." Yeah, right. Whatever. Know what he's doing now???<p>He works for the same co. he worked for in our city, only he HATES that store!! Hates the customers, hates the employees he works with, hates his work hours! The list goes on.<p>He left cause "I didn't let him have time with his family..." Know what? He hung around with his bro for awhile, but NOW, his bro's W and he have had a falling out and HE can't stand HER and SHE
"hates him" (his words). SO needless to say they don't see much of each other anymore. His bro. and W got him hooked up w/OW, so I know they all thought they'd have ONE GRAND TIME together! Didn't happen. Now? He's got NO ONE. Well, except for OW. And she works midnight shift, sooooo, she sleeps (in her bed alone) and he goes to work. He sleeps (in her bed alone) and SHE goes to work. Yeah! What a great life he found!!!<p>Well, that was way too much about me! But I wrote it to make the point that we don't know how God is going to move to make WS's lives' miserable and make them miss us, but be assured it WILL happen. That's what Plan B is supposed to do! <p>I know it's difficult for you, too. But this is a great time for you to do stuff FOR YOU! When everyone first started telling me that, I coudln't understand it. But I started taking bubble baths every night, to kinda "pamper" myself. It helped! I started cleaning out closets and stuff I never had time for....I started shopping and browsing at odd time (times I normally would have had to be home, fixing HIM dinner, or just hanging out, watching HIM watch TV!) See where this is going? Use this time for stuff YOU want to do! Stay busy. It helps with the loneliness. You CAN get through this. <p>Think of this as just a "test" for you. It's a test, to see how long you can go (or who gives in first!) to call the other. I want it to be my WH who calls first! This way, I KNOW he misses me and is willing to leave the A and be ready to open the lines of communication about our M.<p>Until that happens, there's not much hope of restoring your M. And that's the ultimate goal. The restoration of your M. If you keep that goal in your mind, in front of you, like a prize you want to win, you can get through this.<p>I talk to a counselor who told me this: "there's so much riding on your actions. DOn't blow it." She's right. ANd I remember that every time I WANT to give in to the wrong actions. We're all here to help you. We understand. We can do this together.<p>God Bless,
Lupo

Hi ROF
Sorry you are feeling badly. Hey we are all here for you really we are. We all know how bad this sucks. Look at the positives though I know it's hard but there really are some. You can do whatever you want. I'm sorry I am not very familiar with your story do you have children?
Listen if you are in Plan B and that's what you want you have to stick to it. Please please don't call him or page him unless it's absolutely an emergency.
My H and I were separated 7mos. and he just came home a week ago. During one of our conversations I had ask him when I wasn't calling him why did he call me. He said that when he didn't hear from me he worried about me and wondered what I was doing and why I wasn't calling him. So don't let him fool you he does care and worry about you. Can you just get through another day without calling him? I know it's hard but it wil get easier. I went back and forth from Plan A to Plan B back to Plan A. Do something for yourself start putting you first.
Take care and keep posting.
<<<Hugs>>>
C

Good morning,<p>Sorry for the self pity puddle last night. <p>Reading you postings this morning gave me so much more strength. I thank you all so much.<p>I managed not to call or page him last night. But did send an email. I'm thinking maybe I should run over to our house and delete it before he gets home today. - just kidding!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>There is another post about how much the BS is able to do now that the WS is out of the house. <hr></blockquote><p>Orchid - laughable thing is - I think the post you are refering to is mine! I've been trying so hard to view the positive things happening - but just wore out last night! Living alone half the week - (we share custody/he still lives in our house) isnt all bad, but it can be awfully lonely after spending so many years as part of a unit. I am so programmed to that life style. I hope he misses me. Most of the time I figure he does - it just doesn't seem like it would be too strong of an emotion when he's experiencing these tough thoughts "all tangled up, naked in bed" to use the words of the OW as she described one of their tough nights.<p>Yuck - gotta get that one out of my head & get off of the pity ride this morning!<p>Freddy - thank you for your appreciative thoughts of wine. Mine last evening was a Gamay Noir from Ontario - slightly chilled because it was cool outside & I dont want to smoke inside.
Next time I will send an open invitation to all - we can have a cyber wine tasting! Thanks for the reinforcement. I know he has to miss me. His tolerance seems quite high though!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Until that happens, there's not much hope of restoring your M. And that's the ultimate goal. The restoration of your M. If you keep that goal in your mind, in front of you, like a prize you want to win, you can get through this.<p>I talk to a counselor who told me this: "there's so much riding on your actions. DOn't blow it." She's right. And I remember that every time I WANT to give in to the wrong actions. We're all here to help you. We understand. We can do this together. <hr></blockquote>
Lupolady,
I am taping your words to my computer screen - maybe to my phone too. DONT BLOW IT. DONT BLOW IT. Focusing on that will do much more than focusing on loneliness. I will keep my eye on that goal - thank you.<p>Cybil - thank you for you posting. That was my intention - to phone only in case of emergency - or urgent child situation - and to use email for less time sensitive child situations. My history - we have 2 children. 11 and 19. 19 pretty well moved to his grandmothers - my mother - after learning of the A. He just couldnt deal with such a thing at his age. I moved out two weeks after D day (May 16 2001) - quick as I could, as agreed with WS - because he planned on moving in with OW immediately. In my state of shock - I believed him & hoped that if I left the house he would have the space and time to work through his thoughts - and, I couldnt bare the idea of being left.<p>So, its been about 6 months of living apart, but still being very close, sleeping over sometimes, visits, dinners, lunches. WS not seeming to get any sort of grip on the situation though - and the mountain of baggage is starting to look insurmountable.<p>I'm amazed that six months after the initial blow - I felt just as bad again last night - this morning is better though - I guess I am making progress.<p>thanks for the hugs.<p>______<p>this is the first time I've used the 'quotes'. I hope they worked,<p>have a good day all,
Laurie<p>[ November 06, 2001: Message edited by: runningonfaith ]</p>