Hi all, <p>I think my love bank is close to bankruptcy, I just couldn't take it more and left tonight. I couldn't possibly stay and wait for H and D to come back from MIL's, H's very presence would make me scream. I'm dead tired, all ripped inside, barely function. No, I don't need anti-deps, I need peace, my inner peace. <p>So, what happened? Contact continues, and it's not only at work, which I can't prevent (they work together), but also whenever I turn my back - if I'm on business trip, giving courses, or whatever may involve longer hours for me - he is with her. Even with understanding for her ilness (ovarian cancer, stage 3), I just can't put up with that. I discover lies everywhere, not even well hidden. If I push it, he creates diversion- blames me, yells, angrily refuses to talk, discuss... nothing. It's OK if I keep it quiet. <p>The worst part is that literally ALL his family supports him/them. OW is practically part of the family, they communicate with her, and I'm NOT ALLOWED to come to MIL's place - H said MIL is so angry at me for expelling OW form FIL's funeral 10 weeks ago, that she won't let me into house, nor speak with me except for what she needs related to D! Great! I think that needs no comment. <p>BTW, I didn't expell her, just whispered to her ear "Thanks for coming,you didn't need to, but now you can just stay... ". That was when she came to give condolences to us. D didn't want to shake hands with her, so later, next day, H was furious and yelled at both of us, literarly screaming that we're ugly [censored], for not wanting to have any business with her at the funeral. Of course, she spead the word, complained everywhere she could, so my MIl has excellent excuse for not wanting to see me any more (BTW, she was always looking for one, ver since I came to the family).<p>H is typical conflict avoider, so, that's ok with him. If I try to discuss, and say I'm offended, hurt, and expect him to protect me and his family, since he decided 10 months ago to come back to me and D, he avoids, or again create quarrel. <p>So, tonight, D told me that BIL is at MIL's and she would like to see him, either going alone or with us, I said OK. But, while I was in nearby shop,just buying handkerchiefs and shampoo that we ran out of supply, THEY LEFT for MIL's! That is fourth time that he took D and left for MIL's never asking me should I maybe go with them. Simply, he leaves me at home, like I'm contagious! And it's perfectly OK with him! I asked him once ok, what if we stand in front of her door and she says you can come in, and you W stays out? H said, I guess I would then stay out too. But takes extreme care never to find himself in such a situation. <p>Sorry, I can't take it more. What a twisted mind MIL must be when she wants me out because I allegidly offended H's OW/whore????<p>I just can't take it any more, I can't.....<p>Please, be there for me...<p>
Adrian<p>
******************<p>38, Female BS
Married 14 (anniv. Dec 26!), together 18
1 daughter, 13
D-day 4/00 (EA), PA probably 5/00
H attempted suicide 7/00, 1 month psych. hospital
H moved out 8/00
H came back 2/01
allegidly wants to work on marriage, but does nothing
***********

Are you sure that the MIL REALLY said that she didn't want you at her house? WH could have lied to you and said that his mother doesn't want you around so that he could continue meeting the OW at the MIL's place without you. Just a thought.

Hi trying.. <p>I haven't heard her telling that, but I've been few times after funeral around her, an she acted as if I don't exist - looked through me, turned her head, avoided me .... <p>The after some time I asked H why is MIL looking through me. WHY?? YOU'RE ASKING WHY?? Because you made a scene at the funeral, you expelled OW, and she just came to give her condolences, everybody in the family are angry at you and don't want to speak to you any more! <p> And really, no one of the ever spoke to me after. H even watch carefully if someone of them calls (we have caller ID tel.)and if so, he answers the call. Frankly, I have no wish to do it myself, anyway. <p>Are they all nuts??<p>Adrian

adrian,<p>what about your daughter...will she be worried about you? do you have any way to let her know where you'll be? can you make H leave and you and your daughter stay at home? i'm so sorry you're hurting so badly. some in-laws just do not have a clue.
allison

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Adrian:
<strong>Are they all nuts??<p>Adrian</strong><hr></blockquote><p>If they are, then YOU are married to my H's brother!!!!<p>My IL's are exactly the same way!! WH has even taken OW to ALL his family (traveling to other states to do this) and they have ALL welcomed her into their family!! Never mind that we've been M for 20 years!! He has filed for D. but NOWHERE NEAR "done" yet.<p>They NEVER liked me. Never. I never liked them, either! Not after the first time each LIED TO me and ABOUT me. I am DONE when someone is too BACK-STABBING to come to me to my face. I spent 20 years trying to keep them from DESTROYING my H (which they had almost done before we met), and our M. Now he's got THEM and OW, and apparently there's a *wonderful* time being had by all......or is there?<p>According to WH, he recently "realizing a lot of things, I'm having my eyes opened...." about (specifically) SIL (brother's wife). Now that I'm not "buffering" his interactions with them, he's SEEING them for what they REALLY can be like.<p>I'm just letting it take its course. I think if you do the same, these NUTTY people will eventually turn their wrath on HER as well. It isn't YOU.....they just can't "relate" on a normal level with anyone (IF they're anything like MY IL's!!), so just let them have her, and let her have THEM!! THEY WILL "turn on each other." <p>Lupo

Sounds like a family you do not need. What a shame that they would treat you that way.

who care about the stupid mil, mine hates me now too, I really don't care, if they support adultrery and the breaking up of families, I do not need them. My H's and my mil on his side is just his dad's 4th wife... I think it is her 3rd or 4th marriage too, I understand... but netiher of them seem to have much respect for marriage. thanks for listening... but swhen people do not respect your family and even in their own son's presence they should defend you... you are the mother of their grand daughter... and their dil... I am sick over familites like this. Don't let them bother you, they are the ones with the problem. thanks, l