Thanks again for all your posts.. I really appreciate it.. I have been a pretty great wife.. but right now my H doesn't think so or admit it.. he thinks my LBs and not meeting his needs are major problems.. well, it has a lot to do with his lbs and not meeting my needs too...<p>I am gld this thread provoked a good discussion and really appreciate all the good advice.. by the way I have the divorce busting book too but have not cked out the site as much.. I will look at it more.. <p>I think by being open and accepting, yet not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of- and therefore protecting your self respect and even your spouses respect things can be worked on... in my case I just don't know where we are going.. but honesty is really helping.<p>thanks, HONEY

Wow, what great responses! Thanks so much Sheryl for your insight. I feel the same way. I don't think a Plan A is doable in every situation. Good luck Honey and I will say a prayer for you that everything will work out the way you need it to. Thanks everyone for the answers to the question about Plan A.

Honey,<p>RE: I have been a pretty great wife.. but right now my H doesn't think so or admit it.. he thinks my LBs and not meeting his needs are major problems.. well, it has a lot to do with his lbs and not meeting my needs too... <p>This is why you need to get another copy of the SAA book. This is what it is all about. You think that you were a good wife. What marital accord is all about is that a spouse finds out what the other one wants and then makes darn sure they meet their spouses needs in the manner the spouse wants them to be met.<p>Let me explain. If a wife thinks that a good wife keeps the house clean, takes care of the children, cooks dinner etc. and she busts her behind doing these things, she may think that she is being a good wife. So she puts on a little weight, is often too tired for SF, does not like the same friends/activities her H does she thinks it’s ok because she is being a ‘good wife’. Well as it turns out, her he’s top EN’s might be SF, affection, conversation, physical appearance, and recreational activities. This poor wife can clean house all she wants but her H is going to feel neglected and unloved. And the same is probably true in reverse. He is has probably been trying to meet her needs by filling the very ones she is not filling. So they are missing what the other wants by a mile but working at it real hard.<p>If you are given a contract to build a road on the west side of the mountain. But you build a beautiful road on the east side of that mountain, no one is going to care how beautiful the road is. You built it in the wrong place. <p>You have the added problem of your H’s alcoholism and what looks like a sexual addiction. But even with this you should not down play the need to know what each other’s needs are and to meet them.

Marie,<p>You go, girl! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>When I spoke with Dr. Harley, the first thing he advised me to do was go directly to Plan B, given the circumstances that my H had a) left home abruptly; and b) was treating me with the utmost contempt, and moreover, dragging the OW into our personal business.<p>What finally triggered it for me was the realization was that a lot of what they had in common was their mutual enemy: me. If I backed out of the picture and gave them absolutely *nothing* to talk about ... well, you know they old addage of "they eat their own." I think that's sort of what happened. Once I plan B'd and no longer made myself an issue in my H's life, there was no need for them to be "in cahoots."<p>No, Plan A does not work for everyone. Definitely not. Especially if you don't feel like doing it, and cannot do it with a clear conscience.<p>belld

I can plan a without ow in the pic.. if she is in pic.. I am really in plan b.. I cannot compete today she is out of pic.. I have told my H now.. I can forgive the poast and go from here... and start working harder to meet your needs if you can meet mine... WOAH... am I kidding myself... he can be a really great guy...lets see if he can do it again... like he did before...when I fell in love with him and married him. honey