jdmac- I want to THANK YOU for your excellent post to jeff4415 regarding his insistence about asking details of his W's affair. I have been in the same situation with my H who had an intense EA/PA with a single coworker last year. I am about the same time as you past d-day - mine was last Valentine's Day- yuck huh? Anyway, dragging the details out of H has been like doing dental work without anesthetic.Like you he has acted as if it is his very own secret that I could not touch. I have found out some things from snooping thru his wallet and confronting him in therapy. I crave to know what he was doing- but then again I used to be a news reporter so I have ALOT of strong natural curiosity. I believe that knowledge is power. However, every time I drag more details out of him it just makes me more upset and prolongs my pain. I am finally admitting this to myself and have vowed to myself to quit having an emotional affair with my H's affair details! Your post really helped me see WHY its sabotaging our recovery at this point.My H is very committed to recovery now and when it comes right down to it that's what really matters. Thanks!!!! lifeismessy

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Life,<p> You are welcome. I am glad someone recieved some small insight into what the need for more knowledge does to the BS. The hunger for more begins to drive your actions, your emotions, everything. And the mental pictures can be very hard to overcome.<p> In the end, what does it really matter? I wanted to save my marriage, so I had to stop wanting details. I finally came to that reality. The deeds were/are done. Nothing I learn will change the details. Only cause me more pain. Hurt recovery efforts. And keep giving the A power over us. Which really gives the OP power over us.<p> I would advise ALL BS to ask, early after d-day, for details they need to know. If WS refuses to be forthcoming, drop it and move on to what you want in the first place....saving the marriage. People tried to tell me those things when I first found this site. I wish I had been able to listen then.<p> jd