Estes,
Espically have him read the book!<p>Good luck!

^^^BUMP^^^^

I've been wanting to chime in on this one for awhile, and now I have the time....and yes, I've gotta believe that reuniting with someone, a "love" from your past has got to be intense.<p>Here is the data for my XW:<p>Years since HS = 24<p>Depth of earlier relationship: on again off again for 2 or 3 years.<p>Reason for breakup: He dropped out of HS and joined the Navy.<p>Contact since breakup: Once or twice during OUR 15 year relationship.<p>Contact re-established: She went to a LU-AU in her hometown on a weekend I had to work to finish important project.<p>Has WS said she can't forget OP? They're getting married in 9/02.<p>Duration of A: About 3 years now.<p>Do WS and OP live in different locations? Yes, neither lived in her hometown, but they both do now.<p>Reason for end of A? N/A<p>Do I think that there is a greater risk of WS choosing to leave M for OP if the OP is a HS sweetheart: NO FREAKIN' DOUBT!!!!!<p>What's so amazing to me is that XW and I are both professionals and her new man is a tatooed baffoon who paints, does odd-jobs, cheats on his taxes, does drugs and is UGLY!!!<p>[ January 18, 2002: Message edited by: catamount82 ]</p>

Cat, I hear ya, its totally senseless. Has anyone found a good book on the psych of first loves? is there some chemical that is released that causes them to go insane 20 years later? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

catamount82, hello. I see by your member number that you are an "old timer" who come to MB way before I did. Thank you for your input. I am really sorry that your situation turned out the way it did. I wonder if your xW will really go through with the marriage to someone so different than she is. <p>Estes

Angling,<p>Actually .....<p>Did you see FarAway's post on page 1 of this thread? You are right on about the psyche of first loves. Here is a link to the book she referred to.
web page<p>My DIL's OM is like catamount82's xW's OM in that he lacking in so many ways. He is promiscuous, financially irresponsible, an opportunist, and a liar. Why would a WS leave a M for someone like that?<p>Estes

thanks estes, I looked at the site and I don't know if I could stomach it to tell ya the truth. But it might help answer some of my questions, so i'll see if I can get it thru an interlibrary loan. geez, I wonder what would happen if I looked up my HS lover!

Thanks to everyone! I have found this thread to be very enlightening and it has quelled a lot of the mystery of my situation. I acknowledged my role in the breakup of my marriage very early on, and tried to make it work. Denial on the part of the WS makes that a "mission impossible".<p>The allure of a lost "lover" must be so sweet, so intense, but, like so many other things here, I think it is probably fantasy. Just the fact that the WS spends the majority of their adult life happily married and returns to what amounts to an adolescent relationship speaks volumes.<p>We all have to pay for our mistakes, I just pray that the WS's can pay (through shame and sorrow) while they're here on earth so as not to be sentenced later.<p>Hope this isn't too deep.<p>Regards,
Jay<p>[ January 19, 2002: Message edited by: catamount82 ]<p>[ January 19, 2002: Message edited by: catamount82 ]</p>

Katie Scarlett...<p>How does one self-diagnose manic depression? Any idea? Does a professional have to spot it?<p>Some of the descriptions you were giving struck a chord...

Hello TTF,<p>Until Katie responds, here is a link that might help. As far as self-diagnosis is concerned, my D is bipolar, and it took two psychiatrists to get the diagnosis right. My WS DIL and her mother are both bipolar. Competent treatment is required to manage this disorder that severely disrupts lives. Bipolar disorder played a big part in my DIL's choosing to have an A to solve her "unhappiness." However, the desperation she feels comes from within her, not from some awful thing my S had done. Alas, understanding that does not negate the damage her choices have done to my S and GS.<p>Bipolar Disorder<p>Best wishes,
Estes

[img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] Self diagnosis!?<p>I have to first say the idea of "self-daignosis" scares me becasue the next rational thought to me is "self-treatment". <p>That said, I "knew" LONG before I was officially diagnosed. I saw movies about it. Read books, etc. You can go to a local bookstore or library and get a copy of the DSM-IV. Look up manic-depression and see if the diagnosis fits you.<p>I had what I called "seasons". That is times when I was up and times when I was down. I originally thought of myself as bi-polar when I was in high school. Later a medical professional listed my diagnosis as having "hypo-mania". WHich is a milder form of M-D. I had never heard of hypo-mania, but it seemed to fit.<p>It's possible to self diagnos, but I HIGHLY recommend that you have a professional do it. I was once diagnosed (by a CSW) with major depression. He just saw me in a down swing. He sent me to a psychiatrist to get anti-depressants. Turns out anti-depressants are really really bad for people who are bi-polar. Who knew!?<p>Anyway, be careful! Good luck!

I should add:<p>There is no "test" to tell if you're suffering from this illness. Mental illness' are discoverd through patient reporting. So MANY peple to undiagnosed. For a long time I could chalk my symptoms up to "bad grades, fight with boyfriend, seasonal affected disorder, etc." So if you're feeling like I described earlier I suggest that you <p>1. Write down any symptoms that you notice (even if they seem inconsequential)
2. See if you notice a pattern
3. See if you notice anything that makes them better or worse
4. Note how long symptoms last
5. Keep a journal<p>When/If you seek medical attention they'll ask you these type of questions and in the moment it's really hard to remember when it was that you felt bad and why. So it's better to have a log or "mood journal". Also keeping a journal or diary on a regualr basis really helped me to more clearly "see" the swings. For example my handwriting is totally differnt when i'm cycling than it is when i'm not.<p>There have been times that i've been able to sense an "episode" coming based solely on my handwriting. Strange by true. It's like I become another person and I don't notice.<p>Thankfully, now that I know the symptoms I can take proper action before things get out of hand.