Hi, folks it has been a while .
We are getting close to our second day in court.
My ws has started to talk more than ever, About our relationship . Its been great I have learned alot. I have a friend who has been through a seperation with her husband and they are both on the road to recovery. She has given me so much help and she has offered to talk with my wife . My ws said she wants to be introduced to this women and she would like to talk with her . My wife says that her lawyer wants to sit down and go over what she wants . My wife says she doesnt know what she wants! I asked if she would want to put the divorce on hold ? would that help? She says she dont know what she wants.
My wif also says she is not having the good time that every one thinks she is having . It has been real hard for her. But she hides it well . She always has a smile on her face and in good spirits . It kind of hurts the kids and I when we see this . But she says that what good would it do to show people I am in pain?
I asked my ws if she has anyone out side of this circle that can help , listen , offer advice, she doesnt . She says it must be nice that I have found people that will give me advice , listen , help . I have offered to get her a computer so she can get on MB, also councelor , and introduce her to my friend . But I am warned that by doing that I am trying to control her . Not my intention.
I am told to be patient . I am trying
What do you folks think?

It doesn't hurt to offer, just don't push it. Maybe you can say, if she ever wants _____ then you can provide her with it. K

Just a bump

It is not uncommon for people to second guess their decision for divorce. It sounds like you are doing all the right things - having your own support group and listening to her. Who says by giving her computer and other ways of support is controlling? if she is saying it then stop offering. If other people are saying it but not her than keep offering her support. She is confused and really may need to figure it out on her own, but if she is asking for help from your support system, I say give it to her. Just give her the name and number (MB counselor and your friend) then leave it alone, don't follow up and ask her if she called or when she is going to call etc.

Thanks mmmm, notheard for your input
as far as not offering support my councelor suggests that I not be specific about what I will support her with just say I will help all she has to do is ask .
I feel that I am better off to tellw/s what I can and willing to do but I do believe that she has to ask for it . She has already said how would that look if people seen her getting help from me . I told her who cares I am your husband .

CB,<p>I'm glad to see you are still here. I've been wondering how you are.<p>As for the computer, perhaps you can couch it by saying that it would be a great way for her to keep in touch with the kids and---btw--there's a great website...<p>I hope she postpones the divorce until she is sure that is what she wants. Money down the drain, hurt feelings...especially with children involved, I would be careful in my actions. A divorce is very traumatic for them. More than Mom's staying in her own place for a while until she decides what she wants to do with her life. I hate for kids to think divorce is so easy.<p>Hang in there. We're here for you.

Yes she does have her own place , but I call it a expensive PO box she goes home every night to om . yep the kids know it also and if she isnt at her appartment when the kids go by or call she always has a excuse .
I dont believe that she will ever decide what she wants until she gets off on her own. And really puts in the time trying to figure it out .
She talks of the pain she is in and her indecision but then goes home to om . Some times I think that she is talking out of both sides of her mouth .
Its good to talk with you didallas .

Sounds like she wants to make sure "Plan B" stays put--that would be you and the security of your marriage---until OM either spits or gets off the pot. <p>I agree, she's a big old girl now, she has to make her own decisions and she will never make them as long as she's using you and om as crutches.<p>Is it time for Plan B? (MB style, I mean)

Diddallas
I love your straight forward advice it makes sense . You hit it right on the head my wife has never been any one who makes things happen . she always was along for the ride . I am afraid that if i get a serious plan b that she will go to the other crutch. I am in that bs dilema I just dont want to let go .