Hi folks .
I have been talking with my w/s about our relationship over the past few weeks . Good conversation , but 1 thing I had noticed we keep going over the things I have done wrong .
Today w/s meets with her lawyer and discusses what she wants. She tells me she is very troubled by this , she doesnt know what she wants . Last night we spoke again and its about what I have done wrong. So this am I faxed her a question . Have you intentions to reconcile or at least make a attempt to see if it can be reconciled?
Basicly spit or get off the pot !
she faxes back she wants to talk about this face to face that she is having to hard of a day . Why cant they just answer a simple yes or no . why do we have to have such a smoke show .
Any one want to take a stab at this . Thanks in advance. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

That's the magic question. My wife says she's still confused as well. She doesn't want to make promises she's not sure she can keep, etc.<p>I think once they commit to trying you're half way to recovery. The hardest part is being there in the wings while they work through their emotions. I'm trying to stick it through but it's a long uphill battle.

C B, <p>Personally, I believe they really don't know what they want so they stall and eventually may become cake people. They fear the OP won't be able to meet all their needs, and yet they know you have in the past.<p>Jo<p>[ January 25, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Hi,<p>Funny thing about this fog, my H wants to talk in person also. Must be the fog on the phone? Maybe it reminds them of their ties with the OP via the phone? I don't know it is very confusing. <p>So I have to wait for the right time, mood, sun position, etc to talk with H about his stuff. Very hard to do. Is this intentional? I asked, he said no but it doesn't make it any easier. <p>JMHO,
L.

Dealing with all of the legal wranglings puts reality into their world - they finally have to make a decision about their lives because now they have to answer to something that has real consequences - the court. They can't manipulate the court like they can manipulate by finding ways to keep us around.<p>If she doesn't know what she wants - you come up with what you want and let he comment on that - or if you're not in a hurry, wait for her to come up with somehting - remember time is on your side.<p>Make sure if she decides to come back to have a plan, but otherwise I wouldn't feel sorry for her, it sounds like she needs to take on some responsibility. k

Up front Thanks to all for your input
Responsibility. is not one thing my w/s has taken on . Dont get me wrong she has admitted to her part/responsibility for our problems . but after that she chooses not to .
Example , I asked her back in Oct to get with me and decide on a schedual to have the kids stay at her place that would be agreeable to all. Not done yet . She says that it sits on her shoulders, she doesnt want to hear the answer from the kids . Even though I told her I would help.
The court system / lawyers scare her , she says that she has been dreding this day. she is scared,intimidated. Doesnt Know what she wants.
Feeling sorry for her , You bet I do . After all I do have a part in this that got us here . I listen to her and she says that she is suprised that she knows how to get dressed in am. She asked why in the hell did I marry her in the first place. Her family doesnt agree with her afair and they have chosen to distance themselves from this mess she hates them. I listen to all this and it sadens me and I dont know what to do . I offer help , she wont take it.I guess what I should do myself is distance myself from this mess and if she comes around and wants to talk like a responsible adult then we will talk . Until that time I am going to focus my energy on the kids and myself . But the only hangup I have with that is #1 I miss my w/s #2If I am not trying I feel that I have failed And that bothers me alot.
Let me ask this . My w/s when she comes around she has a big smile on her face ,always in a good mood . I told her that it looks like she is having a good time. she says that her life is no fun, but she chooses to hide her pain . Is this normal? And if your in pain wouldnt you want to try to fix it ? When I made comment about her smiles she told me that I must not know her very well . I guess I dont .

cb<p>not much in the mood to really give you any indepth response this morning but i am struck by a couple of things you said in your post,<p>specifically the "Smoke" and your reaction to her smile.<p>i guess your coming off as believing that she has little or no issue and that the smoke will clear and everything can go back to the way you want it? and her response about the smile is really important and telling information about how she percieves you in the marriage, she just told you that from where she stands. you havnt a clue who she is, that she hasnt been able to be genuine with you, and that is very very telling my friend.<p>youve got a lot of work ahead, and while shes got a lot to, the work youve got to do doesnt have anything to do with her waking up or the smoke clearing, it has to do with you discovering why you cant be trusted with the real her.<p>figure that out and youll have her back, in a way you never imagined