I know I haven't been on here much lately. The good part about that is because H and I are spending much more quality time together. <p>Our recovery is still going well. We've hit a few bumps in the road (but nothing major like another A). But thanks to MB, we know how best to deal with them.<p>As my title said, tonight marks one year since d-day. <p>I've been triggerring like crazy for the last couple of weeks. I still have so much hatred towards OW#1 and I continue to torture myself thinking about it! This is crazy... she's been OUT of our lives for 8 months now!!! Baby steps. I need to remind myself that this all takes time to go away more, and need to accept that it will never go away entirely. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Because of my triggerring , and my far too good of a memory, I'm feeling a LOT of bitterness towards my H right now. I've done well, and have talked to him about what's on my mind, and apologizing ahead of time for any possible LBing b/c of my 'memories'.<p>As a typical (former) WS, he's forgotten most of what happened. He doesn't remember even 1/2 of the fogese he spoke to me during our separation. I wish I could have that same ability!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I'm still having a problem with the time he's been spending with his buddy guy friend. And I just found out that his friend told a lie to get H out to see him to 'talk'. I'm NOT impressed!! As I'm sure any BS out there can relate to, ANY lie is a trigger, especially after d-day. (his friend just found out he's going to be a 'daddy' - he's a single guy, and the 'mum' is someone he's only known for a couple of months).<p>I have to admit, I'm getting a thrill out of the trouble H's friend has gotten into (heheeh - I'm such an evil ***** sometimes!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ). But since this friend of his is a trigger for me (H used him as an excuse for far too many things during his alien days), I gotta smirk some.<p>It's absolutely AMAZING to look back a year ago and see the changes that have taken place in my life and M. I am forever grateful to this website and to all of you out there that have helped me in my darkest hours. I hope to still be able to help others here when I can. And I have to admit, I can now understand why there aren't as many recovered couples on these boards to help give support --> they're probably too busy applying the MB principles in their M's! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] But that's a GOOD thing! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

Topie!!!!<p>So good to hear your update... So glad to hear your recovery is going well...<p>How are those babies??? I can't imagine two '1' year olds.... <p>My H and I are slogging along... not really in recovery... though he says he has ended contact w/ the trifling B****... he couldn't yet commit to marriage... told me "one piece at a time."<p>So I am in wait-and-see mode... <p>Thumbs-up and I look forward to future happy updates...<p>Cali

Cali: The babies are doing great! Thanx for asking about them [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Their next dr's appt is on Feb 20th, so I can't say for sure how big they are though. I do know that they're both over 20lbs, and last month Jonathan was 30" tall, and Alex was 29" tall. BIG BOYS!!! (not bad for premies who were 6lbs 5oz and 5lbs, eh? hehehe). Their almost 3 yr old brother Eric is about 45lbs and 39" tall!!!. But I'm 5'10" and H is 6'... so the laws of nature pretty much assume we're gonna have big kids! LOL<p>I've still been lurking on here every couple of days, and have noticed fewer posts from you. I consider that to be a GOOD thing. It proves (to me anyways) that things are settling down some at home, so you don't need the same constant support from here. Thumbs up to you!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

Hi Topie I haven't been posting much on here either, so glad to hear your doing well in recovery!!<p>I look forward to hearing of your future updates.<p>
Love Sally

Karen,
I've been thinking about you. I'm so glad things are going well for you and your family [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . It's so hard to believe that your H doesn't remember stuff. I dreamed of that day happening for me. But I guess they all come out of the fog in different ways! <p>Gooooood luck!!! and keep us posted!

Hi Topie,<p>Can't believe it has been that long. We are all a year older and wiser?!??!? Yes, I think so. Looking back I wonder how I survived. But survive we did. <p>Wow what a year. I could done without all the bad stuff. MB saved my santity and I know you were one of the key players in my life here. <p>Thanks for being here for us Topie. May this year bring you happiness. <p>Hugz,
L.

Topie---<p>Your story sounds so good and so inspiring...<p>Keep up the good work...<p>Best wishes for a continuing recovery<p>E

Hi Karen - I think of you often and I am so happy that it looks like you'll make it. I hope I was able to help a bit.

Topie, CONGRATULATIONS on making it this far and doing so well. Your children sound amazing. I'd really like to set a play date very soon. <p>You've helped me so very much in the last year. I thank-you for giving me your time (which is so precious with three young toddlers) and your much needed support. <p>I will keep you in my prayers for continued success and recovery of your marriage. <p>Hugs

Topie,
Good update!<p>Don't worry too much about hating the OW. I find I despise my H's FOW & it's been over 2 years. But, then, since they are co-workers I still see her once in awhile at social stuff, and he sees her more often. I think I have forgiven her, but she's never shown any remorse, she knew what she was doing with my H the MM, I don't see why revulsion towards her isn't the proper response, as long as I don't act on it and turn it into MY behavior [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] . If I didn't ever see her, or know that my H does, I doubt I'd give her much thought. <p>Anyway, triggers do fade. The first year through is the hardest.

Hi Karen!! I was just thinking of you the other day... Glad to hear things are well...<p>My 1-year D-day anniversary is coming up this month as well, and I find myself having tons of triggers. That may have something to do with OC and all that other stuff (did you see my saga on that - LOL).<p>Anyway, just wanted to say hi and say I'm glad the kids are doing well. Your 1 year old's are the size of my 19-month old, and he's a big boy, so I can just imagine what it is like for you!<p>Hugz,
HbH

Sad Sally : It's amazing how as we gain inner strength (a LOT of it coming from support on here), we find we have less worries to post about. There are a LOT of us on here who don't post nearly as much as we used to - and a good number of them are on this thread! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Faith1 : I've been thinking a lot about you too. I am just dumbfounded by the complete 180 your H has taken (a few times!) in the last few months. I read your recent update and the email from your H. What an alien he is!! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] Do you still use icq much?<p>Orchid : You word things so well! It's a beautiful gift. Thank you for continuing to share it with us here at MB. I trust you got over your bout with the flu okay?<p>Elad : Thank you for your well wishes. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>WAT : You have been able to help me a LOT. I've said it before, and I'll say it again ( [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] ), I've always felt a certain bond with you because of the losses of our sons. And the 'weirdness' in common names (albeit different spellings) is cool! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Terrified : You are welcome. I am always here to help you if I can. And I too would love to get together for a playdate sometime. I'm quite cautious about making new friends now (because of OW#1), so fellow MBers are the way to go for me! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Lor (Lor) : I hope you're right about this first year having been the hardest! I admire you for being such a great continuous help on here. I wish I had more time (and energy [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ) to do the same.<p>HbH : Oh yes, I DID read about the OC saga! I couldn't deal with that - not after such a long time with no OW in the picture. But I think that's because I listed that as one of my limits that I wouldn't cross. I admire you for wanting to work things out. Is there a more recent update on here somewhere that I could get caught up with? (I only stick to checking out the GQII board, and even then, only every 3 to 5 days).<p>Karen