Hi Princess,<p>I´ve read your posts and I think you are thinking as many unfaithful spouses. The other man is too perfect, your husband has too many faults, etc. You yourself said that you do not know what you want. With this other guy everything seems marvelous. Just imagine living with him with all the daily problems and routine of marriage. Things do change. Look, your 30 years old now and don´t keep fooling yourself. Your the victim here, more so than your husband. Either make an effort to improve your marriage or marry the Iranian guy, but do something quick.<p>Good lick
Rich

Rich,<p>Thanks for the input. I have thought of that very thing, that if I were to live with my affair, the day to day challenges of marriage would eventually "hit" and I would be as irritated with this guy as my own spouse. Right? Hmmm......<p>If not for our daughter, I would likely not stay married to my husband. My "lover" however is not the marrying kind and has no intention of becoming one. As mentioned, I am a Jew and Iranians and Jews are not historically the best of allies! All of our ancestors would roll in their graves I suspect.<p>Something has to give, I know. I am terrified overall and this has been a great release. Thanks for your thoughtful input.

Princess,
Boy, did I guess wrong on the ethnicity on this thing! Sorry. That aside, you know that you must end this affair. <p>If you want to improve your marriage, tell your husband that you have some needs that aren't being met now and tell him how you would like to see things improved. (the Emotional Needs quiz on this site is a great way to do this). I urge you to work at improving the marriage. But if, after an appropriate length of time and a whole-hearted effort, you are not able to make it work then by all means, seek your happiness elsewhere. (Although I would strong caution against inter-cultural marriages--they are extremely difficult to maintain and inter-faith even more difficult--in my opinion.) You love your daughter...show it by trying to give her a loving, happy example of what marriage should be.

Hi, Princess.<p>I am Jewish and WS, too. I am an immigrant and my OM lives in Europe. He was my old lover and when we met again last year, it all started over, on emotional level, but very intense.

I think if you affair cares about you, he has to leave you alone. He can't give you good advices for your marriage if he is around and wants to have sex with you. He is sweet and caring and gentle and all other things because he is NOT your husband. You know there is no future for you two, but what if you get addicted to the guy?<p>Did I miss it or you never said that you are in love with OM? To love somebody is to want to spend the rest of your life with. I understand your desire for the affair and how exciting it is, but it is going to hurt, right? <p>If you don't want to stay with your H after all that trying and writing letters and asking for change - I understand that, too. But it has to be worked on when there is no OM in picture, because this way you always have your escape from reality and don't face it. I understand you want to protect your H and don't want to say anything to him. By letting our spouses know that we have an affair we protect ourselves. It can really change his mind about listening for your complains and trying to meet your needs. He is not threatened yet, but will be. I know it hurts, too.<p>I don't know how else I can help. I feel your pain. I was in total mess just a year ago and can imagine how I'd feel if I added sex to my relationship with OM.
I wish you luck and strength because to end the affair is hard (read about withdrawal process), but to stay in it won't change your marriage and won't bring you happiness.
FarAway.

You need to level with your husband...tell him what you need from him that you aren't getting. Let him know just how shaky your relationship is. Tell him that if he needs to be willing to work with you (preferably in therapy) to resolve these issues...and respond appropriately if he isn't willing to do so. He doesn't need to agree with you concerning whether there's a problem or not...this is a team effort, and if one of you are unhappy due to relationship issues then it's BOTH of your problem.<p>You H isn't "too good for you"...and I want you to consider something that my therapist drummed into my head. He said that:<p>"No one healthy will ever give you points for self-blame."<p>I have a tendency to sit around and do nothing to better my life while I whine about what a bad person I am. I'm putting a lot of effort into stopping this bad habit. What are your bad communication habits? What are your H's?<p>Your H may think that the problem is blowing over if you tell him what's wrong or that you're unhappy, and then back off because he doesn't seem to respond. At least, he may convince himself that it has...as my SO said to me, "it's scary when the wind starts to blow around your straw house" and he may prefer pretending that everything is OK in order to keep the peace.<p>The keys here are taking action, and having healthy communication habits. Good Luck [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Your husband can learn to meet your needs. It will take time & you will have to learn to meet his needs too but it is worth it. You will be found out eventually & you could lose everything.<p>Do the right thing while you still can.<p>Congratulations on realizing your error. Do the hard work & you will not be disappointed. Your child may grow up in the most loving home possible someday.