First a little background. My W had an affair starting back in October 2000. She asked me to leave in March. Came to me in October saying she was willing to try for the children. At the time she said that she would get a job to help pay off the debt caused by the separation. Things have not been good since we moved back in together. My W refuses to try to regain my trust and says that her being here with me is proof enough that she is trying.
My suspicions abound and we have arguments all the time about it.<p>Well today I talked to my W on the phone. She had just gotten out a meeting with an attorney. Basically the attorney told her that she should NOT get a job because anything she got was not going to do anything for debt. The attorney told my W that she should go back to school full time. My W told me that the situation is this and I can take it or leave it &#8211; she will go back to school full time and that we are only living together and that right now she has no hope that we will ever repair our marriage. This is largely from the fact that I offer her nothing right now because I am an emotional basket case and she does not see that I will ever be able to change. She said that my counselors have been wrong in saying that going through what I&#8217;ve gone through is like post traumatic stress syndrome and that there is no reason for the way I am right now. She went on to say that I have hurt her tremendously over the past year as well as several years before the affair.<p>So basically, I need to pay for everything including her school and work on fixing myself on the ever so slight of a possibility that we may be able to fix this marriage, which she seriously doubts. <p>What do you think? Do I continue with status quo and pay for everything on the slightest chance that things could change or do I cut my losses right now. I have my doubts. There&#8217;s a part of me that says that W&#8217;s attorney&#8217;s recommendation is simply for my W to get everything she can as long as I&#8217;m in a &#8216;fix my marriage at all cost&#8217; frame of mind.<p>--------------------

I would think that by paying for her schooling, it would be a huge love bank deposit from you. It is such a shame that your W addressed the issue to you in such an LBing fashion. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] But by agreeing to pay for it, it would be a great thing to add to your plan A.<p>I would suggest that you talk to your W about the issue. Make a comment along the lines of, "I think it is wonderful that you want to continue with your schooling. I only wish you could have talked to me about it first instead of having to go see an attourney. What could I have done, and what can I do in the future, that would make you feel comfortable in talking to me about these kind of things?". (always try for open ended questions - those that cannot be answered by a simple 'yes' or 'no').<p>At the same time, you sound like you might be gearing towards a plan B. If that is the case, then it shouldn't be your burden to pay for her schooling. If she doesn't want to reconcile (or at least TRY), then she should learn what life will really be like should you D.<p>Think it through. Give it a few days to decide what it is YOU want to do. Do not make any decisions based on emotions. We've all learned how that can get us into trouble.<p>Karen