Well, I asked WH today to change his passwords for his work and cell voicemail. I was obsessively checking his voicemail trying to "catch" him. Finally I realized enough was enough. If he was going to keep contact, he'd find away. So I'm letting go. I think he was VERY surprised that I was checking them, especially his work one. He honestly didn't know. His password isn't hard to figure out, so I never had to officially ask him for it. Anyhow, I hope this is a sign to him that I am willing to *trust* him and not obsess anymore. This is going to be VERY hard to do. It will take more willpower to not go through his txt msgs, think I might ask him to password protect his phone too. Do you think this is a wise idea to *give* him that much trust? I guess it is hard for me letting go of the control. (in case you don't know my story, WH is very remorseful, had a 2 month EMA with coworker, PA 3x, ended it before d-day, making changes, going to MC, accounts for his time, we talk before, during, and after work, etc.)

YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!<p>Good for you! That is impressive and you should be so proud of yourself. <p>I agree with you 100%.

IMO, this is not in line with Radical Honesty. Dr. Harley stresses that there should be an INTEGRATED lifestyle. I think everything should be an open book and shared. And I think it should be this way whether infidelity has ever been an issue or not. It should just be a matter of policy, which is why it is called that.<p>If you feel you are obsessively checking these things unnecessarily, then that may be something you want to work on, but I think it is two separate issues. One thing you could try is being accountable to him and letting him know each time you check unnecessarily. If you don't like yourself doing this, then that might help deter you.<p>Anyway, I think it's a slippery slope to violate the Policy of Radical Honesty for any reason.