SnL, yes, I actually understood what you said and do agree with your assessment. It was pretty good actually and glad to see another person sees things the same way as me. Very informative and no bashing, you are getting pretty good. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thinker, thank you for the long explanation. I know you just went through something similar and I remember how difficult it was for you. I am sorry you had to go through that.<p>They do not think my mom will make it. I came down to stay with my dad to help him out, no he is not living with me. We will most likely have to make the decision to take her off life support within the week <shudder>.<p>My H swears up and down that he will be here for me now. I don't believe him. He says he will go to the funeral (which means facing all these people) and that he will come down tomorrow if I need him. He actually was going to come down late Sunday, but we decided against it. Yeah, right. Words, words, words...<p>He has convinced himself through all this that it is hopeless and was just resigning himself to the fact that we are getting a divorce because "I don't want to be with him". But, he's ignoring the OTHER part where I said it is this person I don't know that does A,B,C that I don't want to be with. He doesn't want it, yet he's not willing to fight for it because of the way he feels about himself. Whatever I decide is the law, he has no say in the matter. Such BS. He doesn't like himself, I don't like him. He wants to change but is too afraid of failure, and I just am sick of waiting. He wants any excuse to give up and not try, just so it can be on my shoulders and he can't screw up again.<p>He is totally there for me EXCEPT if he has to talk/see anyone in either of our families - then the anxiety wins. It is totally frustrating. <p>I do not believe he will do these things, as SnL states, it's all words and when it comes down to it - he will run again. So, yes, I still want the divorce and I can't let myself hope for anything other than that.<p>Back to my mom, I just wish we didn't have to wait. If it's going to happen, do it now, if it's not, then give some sign that it won't, y'no?<p>HbH
