BTW,
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, JDMAC1!!!!!! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birrrrthdaaaay JDMAAAAAAAAC1, you don't deserve to be blue!<p>Speaking of being happy... Is your wife meeting your need for SF? I'm just being nosy, you don't need to answer if I am overstepping... I remember some girls at work were flirting with you for a while there... Does your W know that? If not, she SHOULD be made aware of that... IMHO... Radical Honesty, remember?

ES,<p> Thanks for responding. Well she could have bought the horse out of guilt. But I am not at all sure that is a valid reason. See I had just bought her two horses. One of which she gave to our daughter. No, I think the horse was more of a way to give us something extra in common. Something that we could do together??? Not quite sure of her motives really.<p> BIN,<p> Hmmm. Interesting that you should ask, why four months? It is something I wondered about myself. When she said it, she said I had told her that we should give it four months. I actually said we should give it at least six months of both being committed to working on the marriage. So far she has not been committed at all, so As far as I am concerned we have not started the six months.<p> But, I am not sure it really matters. If she is asking me for four months, and she really tries...
well I have been waiting almost a year for that very thing. <p> As for the money. She only put up a portion(quite a bit though) of the money. A down payment to ensure that the owner did not sell the horse to someone else, until I brought him the remainder of the cash. Trust me, there is no way(barring some OM of course)she has hidden money. Not because I don't give her any, not to mention her own pay, but because all the money is accounted for. <p> As for the SF. Um...well...We have had it twice this month. The last time was last Saturday [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p> I told my wife of the women at work, yes. I have always been up front with such things. Unfortunatly she has never told me when a guy hits on her. As you can imagine, that is much worse now.<p> AWWW [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] Thanks for the belated birthday wishes, BIN. You made my night [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p> jd

JD,<p>give her the 4 mths if YOU think YOU can do it, but be ready to stop at the end of the 4 mths. <p>Call Steve & Jenn and see what they think.<p>from someone who knows you can't keep doing this forever<p>Good luck<p>BTW, I think you did great about the emails, of course asking at all is an LB but there are times nothing else will do

The height of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.<p>I'm not saying give up... I'm not saying Plan B... but aren't we seeing the same pattern over and over?.... she's giving equal and opposite reactions to your every action... <p>Plan B letter >> suicide threat.
You threaten to leave before Christmas >> she promises to "behave".
You threaten to end the marriage >> she promises to "behave".
Any correlation to your flirtation at work and the horses? I dunno...<p>I guess you've read Heartpain's "Musings" post... if not, go read it [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . YOU know your W better than any of us. And Steve Harley could certainly give you some great direction in just one or two phone calls.<p>One more thought.... she's giving herself 3 and 1/2 months to continue her behavior, and then change right at the end... I agree with BTDT on the time issue... I know of another MB'er whose W "knew" she wanted to work on the marriage, set a deadline of 4 weeks out, and waffled herself out of the decision... now there's another deadline... those movable goal-lines is another sign of insanity [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>D [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Sing, <p>Thank you for your comments. At this point I don't care much whether I LB or not. As you and others have said, sometimes there is no other way. <p>Faith, <p>Thank you Lady. I will look up Heartpains post. Believe it or not I do agree with you. At some point I am responsible for stopping the insanity. Which is exactly what it is. Insane to keep doing this. <p>I do not think there is a correlation with the horses to the women flirting with me at work. Maybe it has something to do with some guilt on her part, I don't know. Probably. But, I want to believe that she saw the happiness I had during our visits to her horses, and she wanted to give me one for myself. But perhaps that is wishful thinking on my part, to think she might want to give me some little happiness...from her to me? <p>Whatever the reason for the horse, I don't care really. I already love the big guy. By the way, his name is Ashleys Dream Boy.<p>jd<p>[ February 27, 2002: Message edited by: jdmac1 ]</p>

jd,<p>I've been behind on my MB reading and had some catching up to do. So sorry to hear about the latest episode. I'm hoping she means what she says now and she's following through on her new "commitment". Keep us posted...<p>BTW - Happy, happy (belated)birthday!

Aww, thanks AB. I was a little depressed tonight, your belated birthday wishes cheered me up again.<p> I have been wondering about you. Give us an update when you get the chance, or feel like it. Email me if you'd rather. <p> Hope you are doing ok. Hang in there.<p> jd

Well,
whatever the reason for the extension this time, I agree with sing that you have to start thinking about what you really want and need if the relationship is to continue. For example: no more lies. She said she would work on it, but specifically, what does that mean? To me, it sounds like you need her to be more open and honest with you. To me, it sounds like you need her to dump some of these "harmless friendships."<p>Love buster or not, I think some things need to be communicated regarding what you are willing and what you are not willing to live with if it's going to work.<p>Hang in there. I'm not in your shoes so I can't even try to tell you what to do. I just don't think it is right that every time you say ENOUGH, she reels you back in and next thing you know, she has not really done her homework.<p>Wonder if a call to Steve Harley is in order? You know, to be included as part of the "work" she promises to do?<p>BTW, SO glad to hear that there is no hidden money issue...