My wife cheated with a married man.. her boss where she works. He is old enough to be her father (she's 24 and he's in late 40's to 50's). His wife is in recovery from cancer (had a tumour in her stomach removed, they think they got it all) but she is not 100% yet. I feel she deserves to know (I found out by a 'returned' email as the send to address was wrong). If the role was reversed and she had found out, I would expect her to tell me. The question is, should I let her know her husband is a cheater (they have 2 teenage children) or not? And if so.. how should I go about it?<p>This relationship started mid-December and lasted till end of January when I found out. They had set up intimate 'meetings' at hotels twice, and had a 'dangerous' oral encounter once in a stairwell at another hotel... I can't believe she turned her back on me, but she did have emotional needs that I wasn't meeting.. we're working on our relationship and its very hard but is going well.. complete honesty from now on is the focus.

The best thing to do is tell the OM that you are going to spill the beans if he does not!

So sorry for the pain you are obviously in. This is just my opinion, but I think you should focus on your marriage. This woman has enough to worry about right now with her cancer (my mom just went into remission of lung and brain cancer, so I know how trying the whole thing is). My husband had the undeniable desire to tell my O/MM's W about the affair, but chose not too. We kind of decided that it was for them to deal with and she would find out on her own if he continued his destructive path. You could let this OM know that any further unacceptable instances and you will spill the beans, and even suggest that he talk to his wife to repair his marriage. Really, it's your choice. Personally I believe you could spend your time more productively if you put all your energy into rebuilding you and your marriage.<p>I hope this helps some. I wish you well.

Thanx for the input. The thing eating me the most is that I WOULD want her to tell me if the situation was reversed and feel that because of that I 'owe' telling her.<p>I ended up sending a 'typed' letter to her acting as though I was a 'friend' who saw them come and go from the hotel on one of the nights. I signed it 'anonymous'. I have heard from my W that the OM has stated his SO is very upset after receiving the letter. I don't know if he spilled the beans or not to her.. I hope so as I was very vague in stating what occured. I think he needs to be the one to tell her. This is something they have to take care of. If he was so concerned about her health and happiness, he wouldn't have done what he did.<p>Is it unnatural to want to ruin his life?

you did the right thing, there is an absolute moral obligation to reveal affairs, otherwise we do not have a civilized society, just dog eat dog (some say it is dog eat dog, oh well).