I've been married 11.5 year and have 4 children.
My husband has been unfaithful since the beginning of our marriage (off and on). He already has a child (10 yrs. old) from one of his affairs. It's always been up and down with us and time seems to go by so fast I didn't realize how much I've been through in this marriage.<p>Any way, He's currently involved with another woman. I found out months ago but he denies it although I've spoken to the OW on several occasions trying to convince her to back off (didn't work). He won't come out and admit it but his actions tell me the truth. It seems like every Friday he's with her because he doesn't come home at all those nights. <p>Now I've confronted him on several occasions and he seems to think its funny. I told him I'm tire of chasing women away and he chuckled. <p>Then there are times when he's home and he's as loving as ever. Everything seems perfect, he pays attention to me and the children, we do things together, he even tells me that everything in his life is perfect, but as soon as he speaks those words everything goes sour. I don't understand what's going on.<p>I've read several article on this site and Q&A columns. Some things help me but when it comes to Plan A and Plan B I need some help.<p>How can I do Plan A when he won't admit the affair? and how can I get him to admit the affair?<p>Right now I'm at the point where I just want to give up. The pain is unbearable.<p>Can someone please suggest some solutions?

I think you need to set some boundaries in your marriage but the tough part is following through with the consequences if those boundaries are busted. <p>Since trust has never been rebuilt after the other affairs start with boundaries like: call me when you get to the office, call me when you leave. Come home right after work. This is a totally unreasonable request for someone who has been faithful. But for someone who has already had one affair this request is totally reasonable. Tell him you want to work on the marriage and this is what will help rebuild the trust in your marriage. In other words, you are not doing it to punish him but rather to improve your marriage. <p>There is absolutely no excuse for staying out all night in a marriage. <p>The thing is you set the boundaries in love, then when he breaks them (and he will) you set the consequences in love like a separation. <p>You can't make him admit to an affair. You can tell him spending the night out is unacceptable. but only you can follow through with the consequence by showing him it is unacceptable.<p>I am sorry you are here.

Please read "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson. It will open your eyes. Right now your H has no reason to change anything. He has you there running the house and raising the kids and has the nice "Olan Mills" family to point to and hold up for respect. All the while he gets to do whatever the heck he pleases because you allow it. You have made it your job to "chase the other women away". That is not your job.
Your job is to respect yourself enough to figure out some boundaries for your life. <p>PLEASE GET THAT BOOK THIS WEEKEND. It literally could change your life.

Thanks for the advice to set boudaries but I've been in this situation for so long that I don't know how. I guess I'm afraid to. I've known all along that I'm allowing this behavior and I'm trying to "Let go and Let God"
I just feel afraid to make anykind of move.
It's like I'm frozen<p>I get these emotional burst where I feel the power to do something but I never stick to it because I love him so much that whenever every thing seems to go back to normal my hopes get high again and it's the same pain over and over again.<p>I will read the book "Love Must Be Tough" <p>Thank You both

Sounds like co-dependancy to me.